


Epiphany

by ToxicBabes



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Acceptance, Coming Out, Crushes, Fluff, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2019-10-16 04:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 59,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17543114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicBabes/pseuds/ToxicBabes
Summary: A story following Jäger's realisation of his sexuality, his daily throes in the workplace and his burning attraction towards his best friend.





	1. The First Spark

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm all like "I NEED TO FINISH THINGS BEFORE UPLOADING" on my Tumblr but because I've got dumb bitch syndrome, I'm going to start posting this. I also started watching The Office (American version) and it's sparked a lot of inspiration for the humorous aspect of this story. 
> 
> This story itself basically follows Jäger and focuses on aspects like his sexuality, his personality and his relationship with other operators in Rainbow.

Jäger lived his entire life reading off the wrong script, forced to improvise yet not quite knowing how to. His uncle noticed it from a young age and soon enough he realised it himself. Simply, he was different. For him life felt like one massive inside joke that  _ everyone _ knew about except him, every interaction was a matter of trial and error, doing the wrong thing then spending hours pondering what was the right thing to do. If life was an orchestra, he would be playing off the wrong time signature and the wrong key. 

School was a train wreck. Kids, being merciless, preyed on his differences. They stole his figurines, hid them and laughed when he wailed, then as they got older, they poked fun at the fact that he had barely any friends and spent a majority of the time with his nose in books, reading about planes and helicopters, whatever intricacy he could find and delve into. Except as he grew older, the kids only became crueller. They found out his uncle was his only guardian and from that point on the wound in Jäger’s heart never seemed to heal. He was the boy with no parents, the weird one, the one no one wanted to be paired with because he was impossible to work with. Life quickly descended into a miserable mess, days of school missed because staying at home in his uncle’s apartment, watching documentaries or reading was much more comfortable than the daily terrorism he received by just existing in school. 

His uncle noticed his turmoil. Moving schools helped to an extent but didn’t solve the issue that Jäger couldn’t quite find the rhythm with his peers. His interests weren’t common at all, and the depth he went into them was another story. 

Now if one were to ask him who his best friend was, Jäger would say no one, but the hidden truth was that he considered his uncle to be the closest companion he had in life when he was young. He was the one to teach him how to be the bigger man and walk away when his tormentors provoked him, he was the only person in Jäger’s life who would spend the time actually listening to him ramble on about  _ stupid  _ planes and helicopters, the only person who ever encouraged him to continue when he fell quiet realising he had talked for five minutes without even a pause. 

Jäger found his heart aching for another fulfilling conversation, it never felt quite right over the phone. They hadn’t talked properly in months, only the occasional text here and there, maybe Jäger would send a photo of a project he was working on and his uncle will always send him a photo of the helicopters from his workplace. 

The career he grew into was often lonely. At first joining Rainbow seemed like a dream. They had the funding to support a workshop which was readily available and Jäger was left to his own devices, allowed to make whatever he wished. Yet being away from home, from his remaining family had him isolated. His own teammates, while all kind to him, could never provide him with the same satisfaction. IQ was always sweet to him and he admired her intelligence, Blitz like usual was friendly towards everyone and Bandit often channelled Jäger’s competitive side. Sometimes they stepped on each other’s toes and they never sought each other unless necessary but Jäger trusted Bandit to watch his back.

With an international organisation like Rainbow meant Jäger came in contact with people from all over the world. Different backgrounds, different thinking processes, opinions, all of that. It was easy to cause friction and Jäger sensed this, his unwarranted advice often created hostile silences and it was a bad habit he couldn’t break no matter how many times IQ kindly reminded him butting into conversations isn’t something widely accepted, even if he had well intentions. He had grown too accustomed to being the smart one, the guy who had solutions to whatever was broken and could fix it within a second. Rainbow told him he was only put into a room with many people who could do just that, people who didn’t need his input because they had already figured out those solutions he offered.

When he first met Mute, he found himself intimidated. His British counterpart was much younger, in fact, the youngest out of everyone yet the smartest. He had a mind like no other, saw things in a different light and Jäger was grossly jealous of him, watching how he had developed Vigil’s video disruptor. The device itself was so streamlined, yet designed with complexity. He saw the schematics of the inner workings, from the circuit board to the casing, and while he would never admit it, he thought it was a work of art. Then there was Mute’s signal disruptors, the so-called Moni that he loved so much and spent hours testing out new prototypes. Jäger didn’t think it was impressive, in fact, to him it seemed simple. Yet it was powerful. Any gadget that was remotely controlled were deemed useless when caught within range, drones and surveillance devices were denied and not only had it been used on the field but within Rainbow itself, set up during confidential meetings to prevent information leaking to outside sources.

Their paths never crossed, Jäger was thankful of that. His Magpies never caught Mute’s attention, as their devices were so different that it was like comparing apples to oranges. Jäger much preferred his apples, and Mute was happy with oranges. There was the occasional time Mute drifted to his workbench, eager eyes glancing at what he was doing and a couple questions asking what this did, what that was for, why this was a certain way. Jäger was happy to explain, but did so feeling completely on edge as if he was being scrutinised over his choice of colour in the LEDs, or why he liked to use a combination of red and blue wires in comparison to Mute’s use of black and red. 

Instead, Mute raised a brow and carefully picked up the partially assembled inner workings of the device, studying it in closer view. Jäger felt his fists clench at his sides, his jaw tightened uncomfortably as he imagined what would happen if Mute was to drop his work- if he did, Jäger would be tempted to take him out the back and put him down. He didn’t. After inspecting it, Mute put it back down safely. “Your soldering is amazing. I wish I could be that precise,” the younger man had complimented him, offering him a gentle smile. 

Baffled for a second, Jäger stared back at him then felt himself grinning, caught off guard. His hand reached for his nape, playing with his hair. “Uh, thanks,” he mumbled and finally felt himself at ease being in the presence of Mute, realising peaceful coexistence was possible and he didn’t have to run miles away from him in fear of judgement, because Mute would never judge him in the way he feared.

Once he had that settled, he had his own inner thoughts to deal with, his own feelings of inadequacy that plagued him. The Magpies were never good enough, it was a matter of time before someone better came along and made a better gadget, by then he would be made redundant and just another soldier that could wield a gun. He had spent countless nights slaving over the numbers, the figures that clouded his head, his eyes, dampened his cheeks and darkened the circles under his weary eyes. It couldn’t get better, not without sacrificing one thing or the other. 

He watched time and time again, witnessed it during every training session. The ADS always intercepted two projectiles without fail, yet despite that, Jäger always found his heart sinking at the third flashbang to come. When it came to Fuze’s cluster charges, Jäger knew he would be moody for the rest of the afternoon. It angered him. Not Fuze, definitely not the man himself, but his own device. Even with the possibility of intercepting a third, Jäger knew he would have to make drastic changes. 

“It’s balanced,” Fuze had told him when they discussed it over a couple drinks. “Perfectly so. Small, yet it does its job without fail. I don’t see why you are so keen to change it.”

For Jäger, his life was a constant cycle of jumping one hurdle then trying the next without ever taking a moment to pause and think of his achievements. He reflected during that conversation to realise his gadget was rather remarkable even if he didn’t consider it to be. It defied the expectations of his peers and superiors who told, who challenged him that it simply wasn’t possible to build something so small and accurate. He appreciated Fuze for that comment and him as well, how he was always able to see things as they were. 

“Your device is not… divine. It cannot do everything, in the same sense I cannot make my cluster charges heat-seeking,” he went on to say, managing to make Jäger chuckle at the terrifying thought of grenades that could sense people via heat signatures. “It’s not possible for it to intercept everything. You could build an ADS that could intercept, say, ten projectiles and still not think it to be good enough because some asshole brought eleven grenades with him. That doesn’t mean the ADS you’ve built isn’t great, in fact, even with your current prototype it is the most spectacular thing I’ve seen. I’m telling the truth, Marius. What I’m trying to say here is that you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

That conversation left Jäger with his heart fluttering, head feeling light and cheeks sore from smiling. He had always considered Fuze one of his close friends he had made at Rainbow, perhaps closer than his own teammates of the GSG9. They could talk about anything, or, Jäger felt he could if he wanted to. Yet they never did. Most conversations were about their hobbies, childhoods, a Netflix series they wanted to share. Part of Jäger wanted to be closer to him, he yearned for the kind of deeper connection he never had with anyone else. 

Was this mere friendship he desired?

Jäger never thought about it in that way, not until it came up when he spoke with Bandit. Bandit always felt like a long lost sibling to Jäger, someone who could piss him off and annoy him in every way possible yet he could never find it within himself to even think of hating Bandit. Alike each other, Bandit was as haughty as Jäger prided himself on his smarts. Despite that, Jäger looked up to him as if he was the  _ wiser  _ older brother, even if he thought Bandit wasn’t the brightest bulb amongst them.

“Dude, do you even like girls?” Bandit asked him one evening, cracking open his fifth can of beer while Jäger was nursing his second. “Like I’m not suggesting you’re a fa- I’m not saying you’re gay but like… you’re not very responsive when it comes to girls in general.”

“Of course I like girls,” Jäger had begun, brows furrowed. 

“Like who?” A considerable silence followed and Jäger’s mind blanked, he couldn’t think of any woman he knew that he felt attracted to. “Hey, I’m not judging you, man. I like dick myself. I’m just trying to help you out, y’know. Jog your mind.”

Mind churning over the thoughts, grinding out every fine detail, Jäger still couldn’t reach a conclusion. He slugged down his beer, crushed the can and pushed it aside while Bandit slid him over another. “I don’t know,” he said, voice barely a mutter, a dash of embarrassment hidden behind it due to the fact he was genuinely considering this, his attraction- or lack of- towards women. “I mean, I’ve kissed a girl before, if that counts.”

The information piqued Bandit’s interest and he raised a brow, swallowed his mouthful of beer and lips twisted into a nasty smile, the kind that made Jäger wish he kept his mouth shut. “Oh?” His voice was laced with a gross curiosity. “Tell me about it. Tell me how you got a girl to kiss you.”

Jäger recalled the details as if it happened yesterday. “My uncle sent me to this summer camp, for like young people interested in STEM careers. It was some science thing, lots of math and learning… I actually had a really good time-“ he paused, realising he had gone off a tangent. Oddly enough, this time Bandit didn’t snap at him to get to the point. “But uh… there was this girl. I can’t remember her name, but she liked me. A lot. We were only on first name basis but she was really interested in me, she talked to me during lunch and sat with me when we were having our evening meal.”

With a snort, Bandit muttered, “that’s cute.”

“We were doing this group activity one day, some outdoors thing to do with engineering and teamwork. During our break, she…” Jäger paused as someone came in and his eyes drifted, tracking Jackal who just entered the room. Patiently, he waited and waited, perhaps in hostile silence, until Jackal realised he had interrupted something and promptly left the break room. “She took me behind the trees and she kissed me. There was a lot of tongue, it was wet… and gross. I didn’t really enjoy it, now that I’m thinking back. And she had braces too, it felt weird.” He hummed under his breath and scratched his stubble, not noticing how entertained Bandit was by his tale. “We kissed for a good thirty seconds, I’d say- or she was kissing me, I didn’t really know what I was doing back then. Someone caught us, they called us out and after that, her friends teased her until she didn’t want a single thing to do with me.”

Seeming concerned now, Bandit furrowed his brows and put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay? Man, that’s fucked up,” he said and trailed off, eyes still studying Jäger’s nonchalance towards it. “You aren’t bothered at all?”

Jäger shook his head. “I’m used to it,” he said with a shrug and reached for another crisp. “I mean, it hurt for a bit. I cried like a bitch but I’m over it, I guess.”

“Right, okay.” Bandit collected his thoughts as he took a sip from his can. “Have you kissed anyone since?” His words were careful, eyes squinted in hopes he wasn’t rubbing salt into a wound he wasn’t aware of.

“Yeah. A couple of times from when you set me up with those girls at the bar, remember?”

“And what did you think of that? Did you like it or were you also grossed out?”

Aside from the fact he was somewhat drunk during those instances, Jäger tried to remember if he enjoyed it. He ended up shrugging again. “I don’t know!” He repeated himself, growing exasperated when Bandit let out a frustrated sigh. “I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t hate it and I didn’t like it either, you know I can’t stand the smell of perfume.”

“Were you even  _ remotely _ interested in the girls I set you up with?”

There was a pause then Jäger shook his head. “I mean, they all seemed kinda ditsy to me. I’d like someone smart to talk to-“

“You mean someone who understands all your engineering mumbo jumbo?” 

“I mean, yeah. That. Talking to someone tends to be more enjoyable if they can follow the conversation, or am I wrong?”

Bandit nodded in agreement then pressed his lips together into a thin line as he thought. “I’m not trying to suggest anything or anyone but that Russian, Fuze or whatever seems like the perfect fit for you. You two are good friends, aren’t you?” His tone was teasing, brows arched in suggestion.

Flushed hot with embarrassment, Jäger fidgeted. “Yeah, Shuhrat and I are pretty good friends,” he mumbled then shook his head. He couldn’t think of any possibility that he was attracted to him, he denied it. “I really don’t know, Dominic. I need time to think.”

Amused, Bandit let off a soft chuckle. “And to think you’re almost forty and you haven’t even considered once in your entire life that you don’t like girls? Jesus Christ…” 

Too flustered to retort, Jäger only shot him a dirty look and returned to snacking on the share-bag of crisps, leaving the oddly coloured ones for Bandit to eat. 

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Bandit then began once more, the classic shit-eating grin he always wore when he taunted him. “Are you a virgin?”

The chair legs screeched along the floor as Jäger stood. “Fuck off,” he muttered back and left with his half-empty beer in hand.

  
  


Since then, Jäger held that conversation at the back of his mind and seriously considered it. He spent hours in the workshop, tinkering away at a side project while he reflected upon himself, perhaps too deeply, on the question if he liked men. For quite some time he thought about his own teammates. Obviously to him, he had always seen Bandit to be more of a brotherly figure and had zero attraction to him but after realisation, he saw many attractive qualities in him- his groomed beard, the spark of determination in his eyes, his humour. Then there was Blitz, often described as handsome, a bright smile that could blind and a sculpted body that made him into a human embodiment of a Ken doll. Jäger always chuckled at the thought. His mind trailed onwards to IQ and he adored her as if she was a sibling too, yet found her to be remarkably beautiful.

The more he thought about it, he uncovered some more. With IQ, Jäger always felt content and comfortable. There were no awkward feelings between them, no tension due to underlying thoughts, they got on like two peas in a pod. With Blitz, on the other hand, Jäger found it difficult to connect with him. Perhaps he was distracted by his attractiveness, or intimidated by it, but either way he knew there was something about his teammate that made him retract into his weird, little shell. Simply, he did not see him to be like a sibling like he did with IQ.

Along with his newfound discovery, he found himself staring a little more now. Sometimes at Mute, admiring his boyish and youthful face or at Fuze who was always present at the workbench across from him, brows furrowed in concentration and wearing his tight thermals that hugged his muscles. In the dim light of the workshop, his hair looked almost black, brushed neatly back and styled with a little product. During their break, they moved outside and sat by the open fire-exit and Jäger saw that his hair was actually a deep shade of brown, locks thick and wavy. He hadn’t noticed it until now. His lashes were long, curved and dark, complimenting his inquisitive gaze. 

Their eyes met for a brief moment, sending alarms ringing in Jäger’s head to stop drifting and look elsewhere. He sipped on his coffee and almost choked, producing a strangled noise that piqued Fuze’s attention. Fuze chuckled under his breath, withdrawing his gaze back down to the packet of biscuits he was snacking on, then he offered one to Jäger who gladly accepted, not a single word said in the comfortable quietness of the side alley where the afternoon sun could reach them along with a cool breeze on the back of their necks. Jäger chewed and his thoughts churned in his head, his foot drawing circles on the grass and hair ruffling in the wind. Then he shifted on his camping stool and looked towards him.

“You have a girlfriend?” Came the sudden question, escaping from his mouth like a rabid animal on the loose. Of course part of Jäger didn’t mean to ask, but now he did and he was forced to commit to it. 

Fuze seemed caught off by the question. When it came to breaking silences Jäger tended to mention something to do with the workshop, a sudden spark of an idea that emerged in his tangled thoughts. There was a pause where Fuze gave him a confused smile. “I had a few in the past,” he answered, voice quiet and tone coy as if it was something he was embarrassed about. “You?”

“Uh, yeah. Something like that as well,” Jäger improvised- no, he lied, because admitting he never had a romantic relationship in his entire life was more embarrassing than having numerous failed ones. He wiped his hands on his jeans and plucked his coffee cup from the ground where it sat on the damp grass. “Wanna go back inside? It’s cold.”

“It’s because you’re so skinny,” Fuze teased him and followed after, a fond smile on his face when Jäger shot him a look.

“Barely,” Jager retorted, almost turning his nose up at the idea that he was slim. He thought of himself to be quite muscular, though, in comparison to Fuze who easily had ten kilos on him, he looked sinewy.

They returned to their workbenches which were adjacent to one another, in perfect distance to maintain a conversation and do their work at the same time, but often they were too absorbed to talk about anything in length. For Jäger he could go hours without human contact or food, working away at whatever gadget he was tinkering with a fervent concentration that was almost like a trance which no one dared- or cared to interrupt. Though Fuze did. Reminders to drink something, he dragged him off for lunch or dinner, suggested breaks when he knew Jäger was on edge due to one thing not working or the other. Those simple actions told Jäger that they weren’t merely colleagues but friends and after some thought he found himself left with warm feelings bubbling in his stomach, tingling at the ends of his fingers. Fuze cared about him and there was nothing more thrilling than that.

  
  


Downtime at the base wasn’t always spent doing productive things. While everyone got their paperwork done, attended training, maintained their fitness, there were times when base became a recreational place where a number of bored adults were cooped up in. For Bandit he spent ridiculous amounts of times taking the keycaps off Jäger’s keyboard and rearranging them to spell an immature message or attacking the fridge in the break room to see whose lunch looked the tastiest. Everyone knew Thatcher always snuck a game of Candy Crush during his breaks and it was rare to see Dokkaebi  _ not  _ playing games on her laptop.

That dreary morning, Jäger signed in to his desktop and looked down at his keyboard to see that Bandit had rearranged the keys to spell ‘gay’ And with a roll of the eyes, Jäger pretended he never even saw it. He responded to a few emails then opened up the blueprints of a recent project to make adjustments. A good hour had passed before he was interrupted.

“Marius, are you busy?” IQ’s voice asked from several feet away from where she worked. He paused and looked over. “You think you could give me a hand?”

Curious he wheeled his chair over to find a small bottle of nail polish opened on her desk. She had painted her left fingernails, presumably wanted him to paint her right nails. From experiences before, the both of them knew she was terrible at using her non-dominant hand. Seeing as if would be good to take a break, Jäger nodded and picked up the small navy bottle.

“What’s the occasion?” He asked and took her small hand into his grasp, holding it gently. He wiped off the excess polish on the lip of the bottle then began to paint her thumbnail, taking care to fill as close to the edges as possible.

“Nothing, just planned to go for a few drinks tonight with someone and wanted to look nice,” she told him, seeming satisfied by his job so far. He always had a strong conviction to please, and with the added perfectionism the two of them possessed, he knew he would be sat here for the next hour waiting for each layer to dry then finishing off with a top coat. He was never one for sloppy work. 

Jäger finished painting over the nail of her pinkie finger then put the brush back into the bottle, twisted it shut and he sat back. IQ looked at her hand and smiled, admiring how the colour complimented her skin tone. For a few seconds, he watched her, fingers fidgeting at the loose threads where his jeans were torn- he ought to get around to repairing or replacing them- and his lips pressed into a thin line. “Monika, can I ask you a personal question?” 

Her brow twitched upwards, furrowed slightly in concern and she gave a hum to indicate yes. 

“Do you think I’m gay?”

A complete silence had eclipsed the room. The sound of Blitz typing came to an abrupt halt, the white noise which the two of them completely disregarded to be someone else in the room. Jäger watched as IQ’s eyes glanced over his shoulder, then returned back to him and she offered him a little smile. The clock hit five past, precisely three minutes since the last layer. Jäger reached for the bottle of nail varnish and opened it, then took her hand once more. “I… uh, never really thought about it, to be honest with you, Marius,” she told him and studied his concentrated expression while Blitz’s typing resumed, more hurried now to mask the fact he revealed himself to be eavesdropping on their conversation. “If you are, there’s nothing wrong with that. Dom likes men too, everyone is fine with it. Don’t be scared to tell us.”

Her words were carefully selected yet reassuring. “I don’t know yet,” Jäger murmured back as he dipped the brush into the bottle. “We talked about it, I’ve just been thinking. Do I…  _ seem  _ like it?”

He paused to look at her and it seemed the question was quite the challenge. For a second her expression seemed to indicate yes, then no, and then she seemed completely unsure. “Maybe? I mean, I used to think you liked Emma when you worked with her on those drone projects,” she said and brought Jäger’s mind back to the failed prototypes and attempts at new gadgets, the countless hours the many brains of Rainbow spent trying to make their dreams of invisible, flying drones a reality. He smiled in amusement, while he liked Twitch and her creativity, he never saw her in a romantic or sexual manner. “But overall you’ve never shown much interest in women, nor men so I’ve never had any suspicions that you were gay.”

Jäger gave a shrug and considered her response. It was true, he never had eyes for anyone else and spent most of his time hidden away, playing with intricate mechanisms rather than socialising- and when he was he was likely sticking to the people he knew and were comfortable with, people he merely saw as colleagues and friends. The only individual that stood out to him was Fuze, someone who he looked forward to seeing, someone who understood his mind, his  _ language  _ and held the same enthusiasm when it came to their shared hobbies. There was something more he yearned for, perhaps it was the physical intimacy of being with him, being loved, but a gut feeling told him that most friends didn’t feel this way about one another, he wasn’t sure if regular friends enjoyed each other’s presence so much as if they were destined to be together.

Along with Jäger’s curiosity of being loved, he knew he would rather have no one else than Fuze. At the same time, his newfound attraction to the other man came with fears of rejection. He didn’t want to lose a friend, not a friend who connected with him so deeply. It pained his heart to think what would happen if Fuze became repulsed by his attraction, Jäger wasn’t sure if the risk was worth it. 

The sound of the door squeaking on its hinges derailed his train of thought. He was applying topcoat when Bandit entered, eyes narrowed from weariness and he appeared to be wearing the same clothes from yesterday. Hungover, tired and cranky or not, it never prevented him from being the cheeky bastard he always was. His shifty gaze caught Jäger painting IQ’s nails with an uncanny concentration, and immediately he smirked.

“Do me next, Marius?” He asked teasingly with a chuckle and he sat down on Jäger’s chair, knowing how it bothered him when others snooped around his work. Jäger turned to look at him as he screwed the bottle shut, brows furrowed in disapprovement. “How’d you like that message I gave you?”

Standing now, Jäger cocked his eyebrow and grasped the back of the chair, wheeled Bandit back before he could start typing and messing up his documents. “Mike’s gonna have to talk to you again about workplace harassment, hm?” He asked imposingly. “Or should I go to Six about it?”

Feigning innocence, Bandit blinked up at him. “What? It’s only the truth.”


	2. Break Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger comes to terms with his attraction to his best friend and Bandit indulges in telling him the gross details of a relationship.

Schedules were the very essence of Jäger’s existence. He did things periodically, did them on specific days and specific times, and he preferred it that way. His days were predictable, repetitive yet easygoing and he always maintained it whenever he wasn’t deployed on a mission. He no longer needed his alarm clock, he naturally blinked awake at half six o’clock and lazed in bed for fifteen minutes until he forced himself to get up. Breakfast was exactly two eggs, beaten with a splash of milk, scrambled until fluffy, on top of a piece of toast- though today Jäger craved something sweet. He slathered some jam onto the toast and left the eggs on the plate, rummaged in the fridge for the bacon.

As he ate he drew his eyes to the rest of his house, he found it too spacious. The place would be much more enjoyable with another person. He had always considered getting a roommate but knew how much he disliked it when people messed with his living space. He liked things a certain way and having someone who didn’t understand the importance of that to him wouldn’t end well. Maybe someday he would find someone, he thought wistfully and returned his plate to the sink.

A strange feeling overcame him that morning. As if his body was simply moving on autopilot but his heart was elsewhere, looking forlornly towards the idea of finding a companion. These things wouldn’t come quickly, Jäger tried to push away his thoughts and got ready for work, the usual blue jeans and a hoodie.

There was a cold draught in the garage, he wasted no time getting the car started. Heated seats, plush leather, the air freshener that made everything smell new. As Bandit always described, Jäger’s ride was _pimped_ and he took pride in that. If he was going to be stuck in traffic for an hour trying to get to the base, he might as well sit comfortably with a nice stereo, listening to tracks from the eighties. Base came into view by eight, multiple large towering buildings with multiple stories, drab and not eye-catching whatsoever. Gym, workshop, living area and as well as the workspaces. Rarely did anyone actually live in the dormitories provided, most who joined Rainbow eventually bought property or rented a place to live in privacy.

As always, they met around nine o’clock in the gym. Sometimes IQ preferred to exercise with others, Blitz always complained running outside was far superior and Bandit often overslept, leaving Jäger to start his regiments by himself. Seeing it would be another usual day, Jäger started on the treadmills and set it to a steady pace to warm himself up. He brought his gaze to the expansive windows that spanned across the gym wall and watched the tiny black specks of recruits slowly run laps. The whole routine was rather braindead, he could close his eyes if he wanted to-

The treadmill jolted to a higher setting. Almost tripping, Jäger snapped open his eyes and reached for the handgrips. Next to him on the other treadmill, Bandit was cackling, hand clutching his stomach.

“What happened to the health and safety policy of not breaking people’s wrists?” Jager asked, his tone disgruntled. At this time in the morning, he had zero energy to deal with Bandit’s antics. “Keep laughing, yeah, wait till your career gets destroyed because you can’t act your age.”

The threat only spurred on Bandit and he looked him up and down as he leaned against his own treadmill. “What happened to the health and safety policy of keeping your eyes open when you’re using the equipment? You wouldn’t shoot a gun with your eyes closed, so you shouldn’t be running on a treadmill with your eyes closed,” he said, clearly taking the piss and he grew more gleeful when Jäger scowled.

“Right, because I’m at risk of murdering someone when I’m operating a treadmill. Sure, Dominic.”

“Treadmills kill many small children every year, the statistics are devastating,” he said and nodded, brows furrowing to feign emotional pain. Jäger put his hands on his hips and looked at him hard, waited for him to make his point. “I’m sure Baker wouldn’t want to have a chat with you over misuse of equipment… I’d hate to have to report you for the safety of the people here, you know I care a lot about that kind of stuff. It just hurts my heart when I see things being misused, reminds me of that one time-”

“You misused an electrical device and partially disabled your brother, destroying his career and your relationship with your family?” Jäger knew where to hit hard and caught him off-guard. There was a horrific pause between them, Bandit’s smile deflated and he blinked back at him. Something was off. Jäger couldn’t pinpoint it, not until he saw the time. “What happened to sleeping in? Isn’t it a bit early for you?”

Bandit glanced at the clock then prodded the buttons on the treadmill, suddenly quiet. “Uh… Elias suggested I should cut down on the drinking, so that’s what I’m doing. I don’t sleep through my alarms anymore,” he said and began to jog at a slow pace. He prodded the buttons more and they ran in silence for a while, the sound of sneakers pattering against the belt over the faint sound of pop music in the background. “I guess we’re both being different today.”

“Hm?”

“You’re wearing red. You always wear green,” Bandit pointed out and looked over at him. “Anything special happening? Is the world ending?”

“No. I just felt like it today,” Jäger mumbled then shrugged, looking down at the red hoodie. He recognised it to be Blitz’s, borrowed after Bandit pranked him precisely eight months back when he put a bucket above the door and Jäger happened to be the unlucky victim to open that door and have ten litres of dirty mop water drenched upon him. Oh, how he would never forget how Bandit’s nose cracked against his fist. “I think I suit green more, though.”

“Green’s your colour,” Bandit agreed with a nod. “So… what’s the situation now? Do you like the Russian or not?”

Jäger made a face. “Yeah, I think I do,” he admitted then bit his lip and let his mind churn his thoughts some more before he glanced over at him. “I just don’t think he likes me back, y’know, in the same way.”

Bandit wasn’t phased. “Even if he did, would he show it? I mean, after all, he is Russian. They’re not big on waving rainbow flags around,” he said and Jäger considered it to be true. “Just let it… develop some more. Flirt a little, maybe it’ll bring him out of his shell. If he likes you, he’ll get the message.”

“I don’t know how to flirt.” Jäger’s lips pressed into a thin line.

“Watch and learn, I guess…”

 

* * *

 

 

Jäger tried to recall the interactions between Bandit and Blitz. Bandit always approached as if he had something hidden up his sleeve, in a sleazy way that would have Jäger suspicious, and a grin on his face. Mischievous brown eyes looked him up and down then he would lean against the desk, he’d pluck something up and fiddle with it, talk to Blitz in a way that seemed like he wasn’t wholly invested in the conversation, he was baiting Blitz to latch on and keep him talking. Blitz always responded with enthusiasm, but Jäger knew the both of them were hopelessly pining for each other with no end in sight.

When it came to Blitz initiating things, Bandit always paid him full attention. Jäger knew for a sure fact that Bandit absolutely hated watching comedy shows, yet he had been watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, cramming every episode just so he could understand the references and talk about the show with him, as well as make corny jokes back. That was some commitment and Jäger wondered if Blitz knew that Bandit only watched the show because of him.

There was always a strange tension between them, which was why Jäger never enjoyed being witness to their interactions. In ways, he felt as if he was third wheeling. Like static, there was an odd feeling in the air when Blitz and Bandit came together, and Jäger couldn’t really pinpoint what it was.

Post workout, Jäger hit the showers then went to the break room to prepare a drink with a recovery supplement. _Maintaining the guns_ , he thought to himself as he slugged it down on the way to the workshop. He entered and settled himself down by one of the desktops, the usual desk he went to at the back. The workshop was quiet today, Twitch was nowhere to be seen, likely with IQ, and Jäger looked around for Fuze, disappointed to see he wasn’t here either. It was just him and Mute this morning, the two of them clacking away at their keyboards without sparing each other a thought. Jäger stole a few glances, eyes occasionally flicking past his monitor to look at Mute who was concentrated and typing at a ridiculous speed.

The door slowly crept open and Jäger perked up, hoping it would be Fuze, but was greeted by Smoke grinning like an idiot and putting a finger to his lips not to announce his entrance. Like how a cat crept up on its prey, Smoke carefully tiptoed up behind Mute then pounced on him, attacking him with a hug.

“Jesus- What the hell, James?” Mute broke up in a fit of giggles and hands moved up to clasp over Smoke’s arms which crisscrossed over his chest, an endearing straitjacket. Was this courting? Jäger was intrigued.

The sight of Smoke peppering kisses all over him was enough to induce vomiting out of sweetness. Jäger tore his eyes off them and back to his monitor, he clicked print then waited patiently for his document to come through. He sat back, clasped his hands together and couldn’t fight the overwhelming urge to watch in sheer fascination. He furrowed his brows and wondered if his presence was known. Oh, god. They began to kiss, the wet snogging making Jäger cock a brow in surprise and by then he realised his document would be finished printing. He stood up, his chair making an abrupt noise as it sprung back up, but it went unnoticed.

It was amazing how oblivious they were. Smoke knew for sure Jäger was in the room, he simply didn’t care. Stood by the printer, barely twenty feet away from the elaborate demonstration of love, Jäger watched some more and leaned against the rumbling printer. Is this what it was like to be in a relationship? Eating each other’s faces for a good and healthy hour of each day, surprising one another to shower them in joy and laughter. _Gosh,_ he thought to himself and realised he was really missing out.

The door opened silently once more. Usually, it was closed completely, no one could enter without making the noise of the lock clicking open but this time it was left ajar. It was Fuze. For a second he paused at the door, his eyes first cast upon the two lovebirds making out, then moved to Jäger who was watching with an innate curiosity, engrossed. Jäger met his eyes for a second, embarrassed to have been caught ogling and Fuze was equally as confused as to why he would want to watch two grown men make out in the workplace.

“Good morning everyone,” Fuze announced in a voice louder than how he would usually speak. His voice was always soft, raspy in a way that Jäger adored.

Mute flinched and immediately pulled away, flustered as he turned around. “Morning, Shuhrat- And Marius… didn’t see you come in, mate.”

“I was always here,” Jäger responded bluntly.

“Yeah, he was here when I came in,” Smoke added, his hand lingering on Mute’s shoulder and he looked at them with an unabashed smirk across his face. “I better get going. Liu wants me to help set up his Tinder profile,” he joked and leaned down to peck Mute once more. “I’ll see you later, babe.”

Pet names could send a shiver up his spine but Jäger managed to keep that reaction internal. He reached to grab his document but found that nothing had come out of the printer, he’d been standing there for a good minute for no reason. Perplexed, he peered in to see if anything had gotten jammed. Fuze approached him.

“What’s up?”

“I was printing something. It’s not here,” Jäger answered and scratched his stubble. “I swear I clicked print, maybe it’s jammed.”

Before he could open up the machine, Fuze laughed and pointed at the red flashing LED. “No paper.” He opened the tray and put in a new ream of pages, shut it then clicked the button to resume printing. Neither of them were going to talk about what happened and Jäger would rather die than to explain what business he had watching Smoke and Mute make out like they were in a softcore pornographic film. “Red, huh?”

The papers began to print slowly, each page whooshing out and the machine kept clicking on as fast as it could, limited by its age. The thing could be older than Mute himself, Jäger entertained himself with the thought. “Uh, yeah. I felt like a change would be nice,” he said and nodded, hands stuffed awkwardly into his pockets.

“I think it looks nice,” Fuze said with a little smile as he put the kettle on the boil and put an ample amount of instant coffee into his mug. Jäger blinked back at him, heart skipped a beat and he wondered if he was dreaming. “So, anyways. I was thinking last night about the…”

Alarms rang, blaring hot and red in his head. Every executive function came to a crashing halt. _He said I look nice,_ the thought kept repeating over and over, leaving no room for anything else and all he could do was blink back at Fuze, watch his lips move but not process a single word he was speaking. Despite the fact he wasn’t listening, he kept nodding. _Does he like me? Maybe he doesn’t, it was just a minor compliment. He’s just being nice, I don’t actually look that good in red. Dominic said green’s more my colour-_

“But it’s just a thought, a theory. I don’t know if it works in practice yet, it’s something I’m keeping in mind.” Fuze took a pause and narrowed his eyes at Jäger, then made a face. “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“No! It’s a good idea,” Jäger cut in, lips twitching into a smile. “It’s uh… innovative. We should try it someday, definitely. I’d be up for that.” Except he had no idea what he was approving or what he was getting himself into.

Fuze’s expression lit up and smiled back, a smile that made Jäger weak in the knees and his head whirl. What a stunner. “Well, I’ll not keep you any longer. We should get some work done.”

Agreeing with a nod, Jäger went to leave but Fuze stopped him, grabbing his sleeve. “Marius, you’re missing something,” he said. He took the small stack of printed documents out and handed them to him with a chuckle.

This kind of embarrassment was something else as if someone had dunked gasoline all over him and lit him on fire. Jäger felt heat skittering over everywhere. He took the documents and laughed at himself, although nervously. “Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

They didn’t have lunch together today. It was certain by now that today was not the usual, the series of odd events had told Jäger he shouldn’t expect anything normal to happen at all, because, for all he knew, Bandit could’ve chosen his lunch to steal today and maybe one of the recruits might end up shooting each other with live rounds at the shooting range. There was quiet chatter in the lunchroom when Jäger strolled in to look for the pasta he prepared the night before. Nose in the fridge was Bandit and a curious Doc observing him from the distance with a large mug of hot coffee while he spoke with Thatcher.

Jäger approached Bandit and watched him open a plastic tub, sniff it, close it then put it back. He never liked tuna. He reached for the next box, labelled clearly ‘MARIUS STREICHER’ in large block capitals, the bright red marker to make it clear this box of carbonara belonged strictly to only Jäger. Pleased with his selection, Bandit closed the fridge and turned to be faced with Jäger looking him dead in the eye.

“Oh, hey.” Bandit swallowed thickly and there was a sheepishness to his voice. “Was just gonna heat up your lunch for you. I… I prophesied you’d come exactly at-“ his eyes flicked to the clock. “T-two… two o’clock.”

“That’s kind of you,” Jäger said and gave him a stiff smile, took his lunch back and turned to the microwave. As he waited for his food to heat up, Bandit went back to digging in the fridge. “Elias has a chicken salad with a balsamic honey vinaigrette every Wednesday,” he recalled, then realised how strange it was to memorise a colleague’s schedule.

“That sounds delicious.” Bandit reached for Blitz’s lunch. “I’m sure he won’t mind if I take a bite… fuck me, this looks great.”

They settled down at one of the desks. Bandit wolfed down the stolen lunch, making a face of sheer bliss at the flavour of actual food. Anyone would think a salad tasted like heaven if they lived off a diet of fast food and junk. Jäger stared at him, then averted his gaze to the rest of the break room. He picked at his pasta, uninterested and glum.

“Where’s the Russian?” Bandit asked and while he thought Jäger wasn’t paying attention, he tried to stick his fork into his lunch.

Ten steps ahead of him, Jäger pulled his bowl away before he could even touch the tip of his fork to the pasta. “His name is Shuhrat, and he’s at the dentist. He’s getting his filling redone,” he muttered back and forced himself to eat a mouthful of his food. After a pause, he returned his eyes to Bandit who blinked back. “What’s it like being with a man?”

The question made him chuckle. He washed down the salad with a mug of lukewarm coffee and hummed as he thought. “Well… he’s got a penis. You’ve got a penis. Sometimes he puts it in you, or you put it in him. Pretty fun, if you ask me,” he described and made Jäger ever regret asking anything. “The best part is when he has repressed feelings about his sexuality and he ends up ghosting you after two years of being together… asshole called me yesterday, he can get fucked- right, I’m off track. What was I saying? Oh yeah, no tits. There’s no soft and squishy bits like girls do. In our case, since we’re all fit men, everything’s firm, rugged. Manly.”

Now intrigued, Jäger leaned forward. “What else? I mean like, how does it feel?”

“Uh…Cuddling is great, especially when you’re the little spoon. It feels so protective and warm, I love getting spooned. Sometimes you might hold hands and someone might call you a faggot but that’s just part of the growing process, you get used to it. Oh, and your first time is going to be a bit uncomfortable. It won’t hurt but it’ll feel a bit weird, then after a while, it feels pretty great. You just gotta relax. Don’t be clamping down like you’re trying to restrict blood flow to his dick, that’s a turn-off,” Bandit spoke with his mouth full and Jäger had to resist every urge to look down at his salad-filled mouth. _Mmm… balsamic honey smells good._ “If he plays with your ass enough, you can have an orgasm that makes you fucking pass out. My ex was great at that… fuck, I need to call him back some time.”

Brows furrowed, Jäger swallowed his pasta and put the lid back on. “You’ve just turned me off my lunch.”

At the table next to them, Ela gave Bandit a long, hard look then took her cup of coffee and relocated to another table with Dokkaebi. Now that was a conversation no one would want to overhear, and Ela happened to be their unlucky witness. An unsettling pause dragged on between them, Bandit’s eyes darting across the room and Jäger followed his line of sight to see Ela whispering in a way which could only insinuate gossip.

“Wait, does she-“

“Yes, she does,” Jäger confirmed and took in a deep breath.

Another silence. He decided to watch Doc pause his conversation, pick up his ringing phone and answer it. He couldn’t hear what he was saying but from the growing weariness in his face, it was likely Montagne calling about a recruit needing him at the med bay for whatever ridiculous reason. As if he had lost the will to deal with it anymore, Doc downed the rest of his black coffee and made the face that told Thatcher ‘ _it happened again.’_ And he left the break room briskly.

Then across the room, he spotted Smoke and Mute at their own table. Mute was talking enthusiastically about something, even gesturing his hands and in front of him Smoke was listening, leaned forwards and eyes looking up at him as if he was the most amazing thing he ever saw. Seeing the two of them was depressing, but they sure did look deep in love. Maybe someday Jäger could experience something similar, and he looked forward to that time.

Bandit’s face contorted with discomfort, he made an odd noise that captured his attention and his hand moved to rub his stomach.

Jäger cocked a brow at him. “You don’t look okay.”

Nodding in agreement, Bandit slid off his chair. “Yeah, that doesn’t feel right… oh fuck.” He cowered over and his face turned a sickly sheet white, pallid as if he had seen a naked Kaid. “Oh god, I need to get out of here.”

Sneakers squeaking against the floor like he was in a basketball court, Bandit made a break for the doors. He was always a fast runner, but never in Jäger’s time at Rainbow had he seen him move so quickly, not even after he had pranked Thatcher by replacing the sugar in his tea with salt. The sound of the doors slamming against the wall had caught everyone’s attention and brought the room to a standstill. There was a murmur of laughter at the bizarre moment then just seconds after his departure, Blitz entered the break room with a pleased look on his face.

It was terrifying to see Blitz with such a devilish smile, yet oddly exciting. He strolled up to Jäger with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his joggers and he examined the crime scene of his empty Tupperware with the odd piece of lettuce and scrap of chicken at the bottom.

“I put laxatives in that. Third time this week he’s stolen my food,” he explained and collected his plastic box. Jäger grinned back at him. “And I labelled my actual lunch with Jalal’s name. He hasn’t even flown to England yet…”


	3. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rainbow's annual celebration of Echo's birthday and Halloween leads to some unexpected events.

Tachanka decided to treat his teammates out for lunch and Fuze couldn’t say no. The team was like a second family to him, close enough to be indistinguishable from a real one. Jäger wished him a good meal and slinked off to the break room, praying to god that Bandit hadn’t stolen his chicken sandwich otherwise he would have to start spiking his food with drugs and labelling his real lunch under an alias. What would his alias be? Jalal El Fassi. The only man whom Bandit didn’t dare to prank. Thankfully he left his sandwich alone. Ever since the laxative incident, he learned his lesson to bring his own lunch. The men’s toilet on that floor was out of service for at least two days.

Bandit was eating a cup of instant noodles when Jäger settled down across from him. He was staring across the room with a glum expression, almost brooding and Jäger followed his eyes to find he was watching Smoke and Mute, the two lovers. They were seated together in their usual corner, so close like two birds preening one another- which was an overstatement, they were just flirting and Smoke was teasing him by grazing their noises while Mute was simply trying to eat his lunch but with how Bandit was eyeing them he made it seem like the worst thing in the world.

“They really gotta shove it in our faces that they’re happy together, don’t they? Just gotta… shit on my day, don’t they?” Bandit forced himself to look away and stabbed his fork into his food. In a mocking tone, he said, “oh look here, I can confess my feelings to my colleague and now we fuck on a regular basis, we even call it a relationship!” He realised his pettiness and fell quiet for a moment. Jäger chewed his sandwich and narrowed his eyes at him. “I like _him_ and it’s been killing me lately, Marius. I look at him and I just can’t think, I can’t breathe, I just want to be with him except I can’t. He keeps acting as if he wants me but I can’t tell if he’s being nice to be or it’s something more, and it fucking _hurts_.”

Jäger felt rather similar, though with Fuze. The guy was charming in every way and with every passing day, Jäger’s feelings grew stronger and his urge to spill it all out and take the leap of faith was overwhelming. “I think you should tell Elias. Tell him how you feel,” he said a bit too bluntly for liking.

Bandit looked at him as if he said something daft. “I think you should tell Shu… whatever his name is,” he said in the same monotonous tone, mimicking him. “Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

Jäger shook his head obtusely. “No, because he feels the same way about you,” he said and piqued Bandit’s interest. “I think he likes you. You can’t say that about me and Shuhrat. He only sees me as a friend, he doesn’t even know I like guys. But Elias, he knows you’re a single man and I think he knows you like him. So you should take the chance now and tell him how you feel before someone else starts dating him. By then you’ll get your feelings hurt over it. So tell him now or you’ll regret it.”

“Jesus, no need to get all Sherlock Holmes about it,” Bandit said quickly and sought for a different topic to talk about, his expression still sour. Jäger could see the deflection from a mile away and rolled his eyes. He spotted the small flyer on the bulletin board. “Hey, what are you coming as for the Halloween party?”

A party, combining both the festival as well as a birthday. Jäger turned his nose up at the idea of attending. While he didn’t mind Echo, he didn’t enjoy the idea of forced socialisation, especially when he had to talk to people who didn’t quite understand him. It would be loud, he would have to sit there and be the third wheel with Bandit and Blitz, not quite knowing what to do and simmering in their unresolved tension.

“Nothing,” he replied hastily. “I’m not going.”

IQ broke into their conversation with a mock scowl on her face. “Marius, you have to come. No excuses,” she ordered, a hand placed firmly on his shoulder. He looked up at her with imploring eyes but it had zero effect on her. “You’re going. Shuhrat is going too, so it won’t be too bad. You two can talk and socialise a bit!”

“What? In our little costumes? That’s ridiculous.” Jäger crossed his arms and tried his best to seem completely averse to the idea of going. Truth was, the mentioning of Fuze had interested him.

She frowned at him and gave a sigh. “Well, you don’t have to dress up.”

“That’ll be even more weird. Everyone’s dressing up,” Bandit interrupted. “You need to dress up.”

And that was how Jäger ended up bringing his spaceman costume into work, feeling absolutely stupid about it but less so when everyone started getting changed after four o’clock. IQ was coming as the little red riding hood, with her hair done into neat plaits and a scarlet dress down to her knees. Then Blitz’s costume consisted of a plaid shirt which he borrowed off Buck, slim blue jeans and a pair of brown boots- he was the woodsman. Bandit didn’t have to do much to look like the wolf, he already had a full beard but he put on a grey costume and fake fangs, even the pointy ears. It was safe to say Jäger felt rather out of place in his astronaut costume.

Now one may question why Blitz wasn’t the wolf and Bandit the woodsman. The simple answer was that no one in Rainbow wanted to mix alcohol with Bandit wielding an axe, even if it was blunt. Plus it seemed much more natural for Bandit to play a wolf. Even from day to day life, he was an animal.

Jäger had IQ’s hand in his palm and he carefully slathered on the first layer of red nail varnish. It was hard painting with thick gloves on so he took them off along with his helmet. Bandit and Blitz were adding last modifications to their costumes.

“How come you guys didn’t ask me if I wanted to be part of _this_?” Jäger asked out of the blue and broke their half-hour long silence. IQ and Blitz looked to each other for help.

“Because the last two options were to dress up as Monika’s mother or a tree and I know you would rather die than to do neither of those,” Bandit answered swiftly, earning Blitz’s soft chuckle. He looked proud of himself for that. “You look pretty cool with the entire costume on, Marius. It’s actually not bad. What’s that button do?” His curious hand reached towards his helmet perched on his desk out of impulse, and next thing everyone knew, Bandit put the helmet on and was looking around in awe. “This is amazing!”

“Thanks- don’t touch that- hey!”

Party in t-minus fifty minutes. Lots of alcohol to be served, with cake and pizza. With the combination of Echo’s birthday and Halloween itself, the operators of Rainbow made it their excuse to make the party as extravagant as possible with the best booze. Serving alcohol at the workplace was not exactly within the rules, but the premise of _it’s Masaru’s birthday!_ seemed to make it alright. No one would snitch anyways and buying booze from the supermarket was much more affordable than an entire night down at the pub trying to get smashed. Oh, and Thermite made the meanest margaritas.

What Jäger didn’t think about when he created his costume was if it was comfortable to wear for a long time. He put his helmet on and realised he should have drilled a couple holes to breathe easier, but when he was making it, all he could focus on was wiring up all the LEDs and making sure it would light up. It was like breathing through a coffee straw, and perhaps he would have to opt to come as an astronaut who had landed on a planet with an oxygen-rich atmosphere.

The best part about Halloween at Rainbow were the costumes. It was an absolute requirement, and every year the ideas became more and more bizarre.

The French were not messing around this year with their sexy nurse costumes. Their little white dresses were tight, and way too small, revealing more than necessary. Hairy legs were visible through fishnet stockings, strong quads and defined calves complimented in black kitten heels. Seeing Doc, Montagne and Rook with pink lipstick on was a disturbing yet hilarious sight, even more so when they had to pose for the group photo. Of course, Twitch joined in on the fun, she was also in the same matching outfits but much more easing on the eyes. A reluctant Lion was also there, dressed up as a patient during surgery with his fake innards exposed, it was clear he would’ve rather shown up in a cheap vampire costume but Twitch had reached a compromise with him on this. Everyone would be dead before they could witness Lion cross-dressing.

The British weren’t as extravagant and opted for skeleton suits this year, the ones with glow in the dark bones and Sledge was one humongous, towering skeleton with a hefty cosmopolitan in his hand.

For the Americans, they decided to go classic this year and showed up as cowboys, with spurs on their boots and whips attached to their belts, nerf revolvers bright on their hips. It was clear this was one of Thermite’s ideas, so he could spend his entire afternoon practicing his “howdy partner” in his best Texan accent and scream “yeehaw!” when he reached the pinnacle of drunkenness.

Going all out as they always did, Russians decided to come as Game of Thrones characters. Jäger found his breath taken away at the sight of Fuze as Jon Snow in his giant black cloak with the leather tabard and boots. He certainly had the beard for it. Tachanka made a very convincing Daenerys in a blue dress that was clearly made for a smaller body and Glaz was his dragon, holding back his laughter every time he looked over at Tachanka with his bleach blonde wig. Kapkan came was Jaime Lannister, donning a golden gloved hand for authenticity and Finka was by his side as Brienne of Tarth.

It seemed as the years went by, they improved on the Yokai cake. When Echo first joined, the cake was a simple square with the details poorly added on in icing. The sponge was so dense the cake itself could be used as a doorstop to the fire-exit of the workshop. Over time it slowly resembled more like the real drone and Glaz grew more comfortable with icing as a medium for his art. Combined with the addition of Lion’s expertise and his baking skills which he developed through his church bake sales, the cake this year was both edible and beautiful.

There was a DJ hired, even a bartender mixing cocktails. Jäger helped himself to a Long Island ice tea and took off his helmet, set it on the bar and slugged down his drink to cool himself. To his left, Bandit and Blitz were chatting over their fruity drinks, the both of them with a look in their eyes as if they were ready to devour one another and Jäger had a strong sense that he shouldn’t interrupt them or he would risk defenestration.

He watched as Fuze approached and asked for a beer, then he turned to him and gave him a warm smile.

“Lord Snow,” Jäger greeted him and motioned a small bow. Fuze laughed and slid onto the seat next to him.

“Astronaut, huh? That looks amazing,” he said, seeming impressed as he looked Jäger up and down. “I was wondering who it was when I saw you.”

Jäger found himself smiling from ear to ear. “Thanks,” he said and reached for his helmet. “It even lights up. I just forgot that I needed to breathe in it so it’s impossible to wear for more than a few minutes,” he trailed off then looked back at Fuze and set his helmet down. “Who’s idea was it to go Game of Thrones?”

“You know it was me,” Fuze said with a chuckle and he took a long swig from his bottle of beer. “How come you didn’t dress up with your team? Too good for the Red Riding Hood?”

It was good the lights were dimmed, otherwise, it would reveal how Jäger was flushed and perspiring. “You’d think I’d give up this costume to show up as a tree?” Jäger asked. His heart skipped a million beats when Fuze laughed again, the butterflies in his stomach swirling so much it was like they were conjuring a storm. The wonderful sound made him feel warm all over and it felt euphoric to know he was the one to make him laugh.

They remained at the bar together for most of the evening, drinking and chatting about small things. The candles on the cake were lit after everyone had a healthy serving of booze and pizza, everyone drunkenly sang ‘Happy Birthday’ out of tune and a visibly embarrassed Echo thanked them, made a toast to even better Halloween parties at Rainbow to which everyone cheered and took a shot in memory of that.

When the party games came around, that was when the true chaos began. Last year it resulted in Thermite giving Thatcher a lap dance, who knew what could happen this year? They began with karaoke to ease everyone into the rhythm. The sound of Castle, Pulse, Thermite and Maverick (who was forced into this and playing along for the fun) serenading Ash with Country Roads. The sound of Thermite’s god awful singing and his improvised dance moves had everyone howling with laughter, faces aching from smiling and Ash gazed up at him as if he was the most magnificent man in the world, tears of laughter down her cheeks.

Jäger had a good time, even enjoyed himself, but after a while all the noise gave him a migraine. He always preferred quieter events and the sound of overly-sensitive mics and vibrating subwoofers proved that. When Fuze suggested they get a breath of fresh air, he didn’t hesitate for a moment to say yes.

They strolled down the empty corridors of base as spaceman and Jon Snow, Jäger’s clunky white boots squeaked with every step and Fuze’s cloak billowed behind him. It was relaxing to be away from all the loudness and Jäger felt the tension in his body diffusing. For a while they were walking aimlessly, not quite knowing where to go, just pacing the building. Then when they passed by the same corridor for the second time, Fuze nudged him to a stop.

“Let’s go to the workshop,” he suggested with a grin. “Don’t tell anyone but I have a flask of good whiskey in my drawer.”

Shaking his head in disbelief Jäger followed him and they took a detour towards the workshop. As they approached there was a strange noise that intrigued the both of them, a squeaking as if there was faulty machinery working. They exchanged looks.

“Is that the printer?” Fuze asked. “I switched everything off when I left.”

“We should check,” Jäger suggested, his brows furrowed in concern.

“Maybe it's a ghost,” came the little joke which made him smile.

Jäger gripped the door handle and took in a breath, feigning fear. They listened for a few seconds. Squeak, squeak, squeak. It was rhythmic and steady, very much like a machine but nothing in the workshop sounded anything like that. Then, he focused his hearing. Was that heavy breathing… someone moaning? It wasn’t a ghost. It wasn’t the printer. It wasn’t machinery. The hallway light beamed into the room as he pushed the door open, and it revealed something they wished they had never seen.

Blitz, with his jeans around his ankles, bent over Mute’s desk, and behind him, a surprised Bandit caught in the act. Blitz let out a gasp while Bandit scrambled desperately to find something to cover them. On the floor was Mute’s stationary, his pen holder and papers scattered across the ground, his Chewbacca bobble head beheaded from the impact of hitting the ground. There was a good five seconds of silence, uncomfortable eye contact that was impossible to break. It was as if time had came to a stop. No one moved, no one said a word, nor dared to even breathe. Then Jäger snapped out of it and slammed the door shut.

Like children, they scattered and ran down the hallway in a fit of giggles. It was difficult to run after a couple of drinks, they kept stumbling over one another until eventually, they were grasping onto each other for support. Fuze guided him through the doors of the gym and let go. Together they collapsed onto the benches and caught their breaths between laughter at what they just saw.

“Now, I’m pretty sure the wolf and the woodsman didn’t fuck in the actual story,” Fuze said with a chuckle and he wiped his brow with his hand. “That was something I can never unsee.”

The large windows of the gym granted them the perfect view of the long stretch of green fields used for training and the vast, dark sky. Tonight there were many stars, shimmering and twinkling down. Jäger looked up and admired them, but his mind went back to what he saw and he couldn’t believe that Bandit did what he did. “I can’t believe they’re finally together,” he said.

Fuze raised a brow. “I thought they already were by the looks of it. They seem as close as Mark and James are, don’t they?” He asked.

“No, but Dominic’s been crushing on him for like a year now. He used to get drunk and call me at night crying because he wanted to be with Elias so bad… I kept telling him to just tell him but he wouldn’t! And now he has so… good for them, I guess,” Jäger said and shrugged. “It’s about time. They’ve been flirting for the past nine months with no progress. It was agonising watching them.”

Fuze laughed. “Until you’ve seen Maxim try to pick up a girl, you have no idea what agony is,” he said.

A fond smile grew on Jäger’s face then he looked away and brought his eyes back to the scenery. He hugged his knees to his chest and let out a small sigh of relief. For a while they didn’t talk and allowed themselves to grow comfortable in their silence, just watching the stars and enjoying the buzz of their inebriation.

With alcohol, it had always made Jäger sleepy, but for Fuze it made him talk much more. Their discussion on movies started slowly but surely and Jäger fell in love with the sound of his voice, how he spoke so softly and the way he pronounced his words with his accent. If he could, he would spend his whole lifetime listening to him talk about something he was passionate about. They made plans on what movies they should see together in the future, and went back to discuss all the superhero movies that came out this year, the theories and speculations surrounding it.

It was just the two of them in the gym, alone, but they managed to talk for hours.

There was a fondness in Fuze’s gaze that made Jäger melt inside. His brown eyes looked at him with an intensity that felt almost intimate and all he could do was stare back, lidded eyes blinking heavily from his weariness as their conversation came to a nice end. Then Fuze broke their eye contact, like a flinch because he caught himself doing something he wasn’t supposed to be, and he patted his knee.

“Look at the time,” he said, amused. “You’re ready to fall asleep.”

Words slurred, head spinning when he stood, Jäger agreed. “I saw this from the beginning,” he managed to say. “I’ve got keys. For my dorm. I’m not going home tonight.”

“I’ll walk you back in case you pass out in the hall,” Fuze offered with a grin and he helped steady Jäger on his feet.

The brief escort back to the dormitories was a couple minutes walk, yet the best moment of the night. Fuze had an arm around his waist, holding him in a protective manner to guard him from tripping and Jäger ambled along, stumbling every few steps. He couldn’t handle his alcohol like his Russian counterpart. When they arrived, Fuze let him go and smiled warmly at him, but the sight of his smile couldn’t replace the loss of his arm around Jäger, a sensation he desperately wanted to feel again. They regarded each other for a lingering moment before a smile broke Jäger’s expression and he laughed out of nervousness.

“Goodnight, Shuhrat,” he said, his voice small yet clear in the quietness of the hall. He unlocked the door to his neglected dorm.

Fuze nodded to him. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.”

He hadn’t been back to this dorm in a while, he only ever used it when he managed to get drunk enough on base and didn’t want to invest in a cab to take him home. He crawled towards the small bed and collapsed back in it, laid spread-eagle, still clad in his astronaut suit, the bulky boots and all.

He was over the moon.


	4. Descent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger is falling deeper in love and his thoughts become uncontrollable. He seeks answers. On the other hand, Bandit is in a sticky situation.

There was a considerable line of people outside the medbay today, all lined up for their dose of aspirin, all visibly hungover yet joyful from the events of last night. Jäger didn’t forget a thing. He woke up at ten o’clock, still in his bulky spaceman suit. Groggily he got up, stepped out of the suit and found some spare clothes he left in the drawers of his dormitory. Once he looked presentable he joined the line snaking down the corridor of the medbay, sandwiched between Rook and Thermite who both looked half-dead, faces pallid from their hangovers and Rook looked like he was on the brink of throwing up everywhere. There was a bright smear on his chin where the lipstick from last night was smudged and flakes of mascara dotted under his eyes. 

For a while he was stuck there, listening to the strange discussion between the Frenchman and the American on cross-dressing and how makeup was actually a lot of work. Rook complained about his sore feet which had been crammed into those tiny kitten-heels for a majority of the night, how trying to dance in them gave him the worst blisters. Thermite had also sprained his ankle. How? No one knew, not even himself, because the night prior he had gotten so plastered he couldn’t even remember giving Thatcher his annual lap-dance for  _ best field partner _ or as the man said it himself,  _ “the best field pardner a man can ask for, gosh Mikey lemme show you how much I appreciate ya. Hit it, Miles!”  _

That was another video saved to the archive of many more. Thinking back to last night, a memory greeted Jäger when he entered the somewhat empty gym and spotted Bandit standing on a still treadmill, just playing on his phone instead of doing anything productive. Jäger approached him and cleared his throat to catch his attention as he stepped onto the adjacent treadmill. Bandit looked up and held his stare, seeming internally writhe with embarrassment. Jäger started up the treadmill then offered him a smile but was met with Bandit’s glum expression which he couldn’t figure out why. It couldn’t be a hangover. Bandit lived his adult life in a perpetual hangover, the drinks last night barely had any effect on him.

“What’s up with your face? Aren’t you happy?” Jäger asked, now puzzled and his expectations had shattered into a million pieces. Seeming as deflated as Bandit now, he asked, “Aren’t you two together?”

Bandit’s steely face broke into a bitter laugh, to the point where he was almost wheezing for air and Jäger continued to watch him. “What- Us? Together? Are you out of your goddamn-” He leaned against the handgrip of his treadmill and looked him dead in the eye. “Are you fucking with me or are you actually serious, Marius? Answer me.”

A gut feeling told Jäger all the answers he had in his head were absolutely wrong. For a few seconds, he didn’t answer and found himself stammering a little, feeling absolutely stupid. “Well, you two were… y’know…” he finally answered in a hushed voice, trying to look elsewhere for help but no one could save him now. Bandit’s brows jerked upwards, he let out a sigh and shook his head, a smile of disbelief across his face. “So you’re not together?” He asked meekly.

Bandit clasped his hands together. “Marius,” he said once more, his voice strained as if he was holding back the urge to shout at him for being so obtuse. “Just because we fucked, it doesn’t mean we are together. It was a fling, he doesn’t know I like him.” His brows furrowed downwards and he looked away, seeming troubled and Jäger wanted to ask a million more questions but he knew he shouldn’t. “In fact, it’s made things worse. He thinks I’m done with him now that we’ve fucked, he thinks I only want him for sex.”

To Jäger, it seemed simple. “Tell him you like him then,” he suggested and the feeling that he wasn’t quite understanding this had overcome him.

Too frustrated to continue the discussion, Bandit looked desperately for something else to talk about. He started up his own treadmill and eased himself into a light jog. “What were the two of you creeping around for? Do anything last night?”

“It got noisy so we left. Shuhrat said he had whiskey in the workshop but erm, you two were in there, so we went to the gym instead,” Jäger explained as he ran, ignoring the slight burn creeping up in his calves. In hindsight, he should’ve drunk some water before bed, but at the time he was more concerned about Fuze and the way he walked him back to his dorm, the hand around his waist. Jäger still craved to feel that again. 

They were halfway through their warm-up at this point. “And?” Came Bandit’s expectant response.

“We talked for a bit, about an hour and a half. The stars were out and all, it was actually quite romantic… then he walked me back to my room- he put his arm around me,” Jäger told him, lips curving upwards at the memory. 

“You’re such a whore,” Bandit murmured jokingly, shaking his head in mock disapprovement although he had a smile across his face. He was glad for him, not quite sharing the same excitement Jäger had but still, at least things were going right for him. It wasn’t like Bandit without a healthy dose of teasing. “What’s next? You’re going to hold his hand?”

“Fuck you too, Dom,” Jäger shot back, unable to wipe his grin off his face.

 

* * *

 

Muscles burned and cramped after exercising. Today was their leg day and now Jäger was truly regretting not hydrating enough. He limped into the workshop to find it was busier today. His eyes drew towards Mute’s desk where the haunting image ghosted at the back of his mind and he remembered all the pens spilt on the floor, the holder rolled several feet away and the Chewbacca bobblehead left for dead. Now his possessions were returned to their places but the bobble-head was crooked, broken and carefully placed back together in hopes the owner wouldn’t discover it. 

He prepared his cup of coffee and greeted Fuze with a little smile as he made his way to his desk. He signed in onto the desktop and settled himself into some work, but he couldn’t help himself and kept looking up towards the testing chambers where Fuze was present, speaking with Hibana and Thermite. The idea he had been trying to test out was a cluster charge that could breach through reinforced walls, though from the prototypes they tested out, it wasn’t a success. Despite that, Jäger admired his creativity and endeavour. 

When it came to others, Fuze acted in a strict, professional manner. It was simply his nature to be so taciturn towards others, keep them at an arm’s length by his tight-lipped smiles towards jokes and policy of not messing around when it came to work. What many people didn’t know was that it just took time for him to warm up to others. When Fuze and Jäger first worked together, their relationship was drier than a hunk of stale bread. Silences were long, Jäger couldn’t figure out to approach him but over time, their friendship grew like a tough seed beginning to germinate after months and months of dormancy. 

The idea that the two of them shared this kind of rare friendship which not many others aside from the rest of the Spetsnaz had, was a thought that warmed Jäger’s heart. It meant there was some kind of compatibility between them, or he possessed a quality which would attract Fuze to want to pursue their friendship than let them continue as mere colleagues that didn’t even speak more than one a day. They were close, however, Jäger couldn’t quantify the extent of their friendship, if he was closer to him than his teammates or they were both kept at equal distances. He knew he was somewhere within the territory considered ‘friends’, that’s for sure, the land of belly-deep laughter until the jaw ached, frenzied texts while watching live episodes of a show and the exchange of silly photos.

His mind stirred at the slight chance, the most minute possibility that  _ maybe _ mutual attraction was involved. He knew for a fact he liked Fuze, he wanted so badly to be with him and do the kind of venereal things couples do or even just show affection towards him. It had been an impulse he was holding in for so long now and he was afraid one day he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back. Did Fuze like him back? That was the big enigma which Jäger couldn’t solve, not by himself. He couldn’t decipher if friendly smiles and lingering looks were just how he was, or if it meant something much more. For all he knew, it could be the only reason why he was kept around.

The deeper he fell, the more he wanted to seek the answers to the questions he had cooped up in his head. For a man like him who enjoyed hoarding information, when something sparked his interest he needed to know all the ins-and-outs. The only issue with his newfound interest was that it was Fuze and humans weren’t that simple. It wasn’t like understanding how certain mechanisms worked or the dimensions of a specific plane model, the type of information that Jäger can store and rattle off at any moment because they were constant values or information that never changed. People were dynamic. Everyone had their quirks, their likes and dislikes which can often change and many times people tended to keep their true selves hidden.

He couldn’t just walk up to Fuze and ask him questions that would come across an invasive, even if he badly wanted to glean his mind and trifle through his thoughts as if it was the goddamn Burning Library of Alexandria and he had mere minutes to scramble for as much information as possible. If he had one wish it would be to be read people’s minds. By then he would be able to understand how to please others or at least understand them, but reality wasn’t like that. He needed a different approach, something more covert. 

The only other individual that he knew Fuze was close with was Glaz, his teammate. Amongst the Russians, Jäger was considered a friend and he hoped Glaz wouldn’t mind if he pried a little and tried to seek for advice. He left his desk after finishing up the last edits he wanted to make onto his blueprints and made his way to the second office where many of the operators spent their time together, whether working or just relaxing. To his luck, Glaz was situated by a desktop, alone, and didn’t appear to be doing anything too important. 

Seeing the opportunity, Jäger stepped towards him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Timur,” he greeted, trying to sound friendly but creeping up on him like that had made him jolt. Sheepish, he murmured a quiet, “sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Glaz laughed it off and looked up at him. “Don’t worry about it,” he insisted then raised a brow, surprised Jäger would want to seek him out for a conversation. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to chat,” Jäger said and grabbed a chair, sat down before Glaz could even answer him. For a couple seconds, he eyed his sketchpad and studied the small pencilled doodles, some of the people around him or scenery. Glaz gave him a nod to signify he was listening as he plucked up his pencil and began to lay down rough guidelines. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but when you look at Shuhrat and I, what do you see?”

Glaz hummed for a few seconds, trying to uncover what the question was really asking and he squinted his eyes like he had an inkling of what Jäger was implying. “You two are good friends, that’s what I see,” he said simply. The more he drew, Jäger realised he was drawing him. “He likes being around you, I know that for sure. It’s uncommon for him to find anyone interesting, what you two have is quite rare, I’d say. Apparently, I bore him to death.”

The words were trapped at the back of his throat and Jäger considered seriously if he should ask it, whether it could cause any strange feelings between them, but knowing Glaz to be a sensitive soul he knew it wouldn’t go that way. “Do you… do you think it could become anything more?” He then asked in a mumble and his fingers fidgeted at the drawstring of his sweatpants. 

Their eyes met and Glaz’s expression softened. “Are you asking me if he’s gay?” He tried to narrow down the questioning and then Jäger nodded, his brows furrowing upwards in nervousness. “I’m not entirely sure, Marius. I suspect it, though.” The pencil continued to scribble along the paper, now imprinting Jäger’s tense face and capturing how he sat up straight in his chair. “He used to be in some form of a relationship. It was a long distance relationship, he used to visit them whenever he could. Like when we were sent back to Russia he took a day off to visit them. We used to tease him, asking if it was a girl, what her name was, but he refused to tell us. After a while I began to realise it could be a man, then all of us realised that but we never brought it up. Anyways, they’re not together anymore. He had a pretty bad breakup and ever since then he’s been quieter. He never spends hours on the phone talking to whoever it was and now he just works and works.”

Jäger gave a soft hum and only realised it now. “Yeah, he has been,” he mumbled, scratching his stubble in deep thought.

He recalled the times when Fuze would spend his entire day expecting a call, restless and unable to focus because every buzz from his phone had him excited and when the call finally came, he disappeared by the fire exit and paced up and down the little alley whilst he spoke with them. That was his lover, and that was true love. The mystery no one knew about, his secret. Jäger wondered how he let that detail slip by, that he never picked up on the fact that Fuze had stopped receiving those calls he always waited for. He tried to remember when was the point at which Fuze became quiet as Glaz described but he couldn’t.

“Do you like him?” Glaz then asked and smiled towards him, though not in a malicious way like Bandit would. His smile was encouraging, nonjudgmental.

Jäger mustered a small nod. “Yeah, it’s been on my mind lately,” he said then felt foolish for being so truthful.

“Don’t worry, I can keep a secret,” Glaz reassured him.

Secrets, something Jäger couldn’t keep. He was too transparent, he could never bottle up his emotions to keep them concealed, nor could he blatantly lie to someone. When he tried to, he was always caught. He wasn’t like Fuze who could remain stony-faced for an eternity and not show a peep of whatever he was feeling, nor was he like Bandit who had a silver tongue and could easily lie his way out of anything. Should he be confronted about his feelings, he would be in a sticky, horrible situation. 

Sometimes he wondered how long he could go on like this, with his emotions towards Fuze all pressurised inside him, ready to blow at any second now. Every time he saw him it was like an overwhelming storm of serotonin flooding his body, his own biology immediately associating the man with satisfaction, despite the fact he always felt somewhat anxious around him, or simply aware of himself.

At first Jäger was expecting to hear from Glaz that Fuze was as straight as can be. He was prepared and had braced himself for his heart to crack and for himself to forget he ever liked him. What he never genuinely considered for once was the possibility that Fuze could like men, nothing ever suggested he could have a boyfriend. Those calls he used to receive never came to Jäger’s attention. Now he knew that, part of him was relieved but he didn’t let himself get to giddy over it. For all he knew, Fuze could simply see him as a friend and nothing more. Just because he liked men didn’t necessarily mean he liked Jäger in that way as well.

Although, Jäger hoped so.

He looked back on the days when Fuze was in a relationship, how he always wore a contented smile on his face after those calls as if they had rejuvenated him and boosted his mood, and Jäger wanted to do the same for him. He wanted to brighten his day and he knew he could do that even as friends but there was something much different, much deeper when it came to a romantic relationship. The image of the two of them laying in bed together, perhaps sleeping in on a Sunday, their hairy legs brushing under the covers and bodies so close every breath ghosted over skin, while the sun beat down through the southern windows, it made Jäger’s heart ache strongly for it.

Perhaps he could lay his head upon Fuze’s broad chest, listen to his soft inhales and exhales, and reach his hand up to caress his silky hair, only to let his palm fall lower and rest on his warm cheek where his bread grew thick. He tried to imagine how Fuze would be like as a lover, whether he was an affectionate person or someone who preferred to show his love in other ways. While he could see him to be quite the affectionate person in private, Jäger also considered that his upbringing and what he was accustomed to may have moulded him to be a much more reserved individual. Jäger wanted to feel the abrasive sensation of his facial hair against his neck, have his arms encircle his torso to hold him close.

Never before had he even thought about this kind of intimacy, not until now and all he could think about was  _ them. _ Although in order for them to ever get into a relationship, it had to involve one of them spilling their confession eventually. The initial gut feeling was to tell him, but after some thought Jäger knew he needed to test the waters and try to hint it, even if he was the worst person at sending queues in a non-obvious way. 


	5. Destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger gains courage, though only momentarily. Fuze's words go unheard.

It was like some kind of disease. The thoughts followed him everywhere like a cloud of mosquitoes, incessantly buzzing in the background of his mind and he couldn’t ignore it. He knew now how Bandit felt, with all his emotions gathered up inside of him, a bomb waiting to explode. It was the trapped feeling of being on the constant brink of letting it all out, yet unable to push over that edge and actually do it. Even when he wanted to, his body seized up with anxiety and he ended up talking about something else. What was this mysterious force that zipped his mouth shut?

Never in Jäger’s life had he thought love could be this stressful and complicated. Before he didn’t understand what the big fuss was about, and now he was the one suffering from a horrific case of love-sickness. It was probably contagious, Bandit had likely transmitted it to him through his complaining and constant pining after Blitz. The most painful part was getting from where he was to the fulfilling relationship he envisioned.

As usual, he watched Smoke harass Mute during an afternoon in the workshop, how the older man begged for them to go to the shooting range to _shoot the shit_ for a bit or at least try to engage Mute in a conversation. Busy, Mute turned him down, but couldn’t escape from Smoke’s affections from feeding him skittles while he worked or occasionally snaking a hand to his nape and massaging the strained muscles. From where Jäger sat, he pondered how on earth the two of them even got together. Then it was rather simple when he came to his conclusion. Smoke, the adrenaline-junkie amongst them, would have zero issues with confessing his feelings towards someone. He lived in the moment and always stuck by his policy of _carpe diem_ so asking out his own teammate was just another thrilling thing for him and rejection was just an easy hurdle to leap over.

Jäger hated failure. Rejection was a form of it. The last thing he wanted to come out of this was the destruction of the friendship he worked so hard to nurture. Yet, how could he live knowing he had these feelings towards Fuze? Did he have the strength within himself to keep his secret buried for the rest of his life? Obviously not. There were moments when he could feel his knees growing weak when Fuze touched him lightly on the shoulder or waist, or the sudden surge of perspiration on his palms when their eyes met for a second too long and his thoughts began to race and spring to every assumption live in his mind.

He needed this as if it was oxygen.

It was the early afternoon. Fuze suggested they fool around at the shooting range, he had wanted to practice with his LMG after their training session that morning. It was hard to refuse so Jäger tagged along and figured it wouldn’t hurt to try something new today, or just practice with his carbine.

There were a few recruits practising with pistols but they settled down on the far side of the shooting range where it was more secluded. With ear protection on, they spent a while spraying bullets, unloading the pressure and stresses built up by squeezing the trigger and feeling the roar of their guns in their marrow. The LMG spat out piping hot shells that clinked off the concrete floor and Fuze emptied the entire magazine, the muscles in his arms tensed to bear the weight of the gun along with its kick. Jäger took in the sight of his muscular arms and swallowed thickly, then saw that Fuze had stopped firing and glanced back at him as he reloaded. He gestured for him to come and held out the gun, inviting him to try and with a grin, Jäger took it.

It was heavier than he expected. He hoisted it up and aimed down the sight, the muscles in his arms straining somewhat compared to handling his carbine. His finger squeezed the trigger and fired a couple bullets then he stopped to readjust his grip. From behind Fuze put his hands upon his arms for support, his chest brushing against Jäger’s back, breath ghosting over the skin of his neck. He held him firmly and Jäger took this queue to fire. It was almost comical how long the magazine lasted and Jäger grew to realise how fun it was to be able to spray an entire magazine without worrying about a thing. Now he understood why Bandit loved to take the ALDA and do his best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression with it.

They had never gotten this close before. His fantasies were inches away from reality and Jäger swooned internally at being held by him, his guiding hands gripping his arms in a firm way, his strong body like an anchor behind him. While they were the same height, Fuze was always broader than Jäger, much more muscular and bulky in a way which Jäger found immensely attractive.

Taking off their ear protectors, they set down their firearms and stretched tired arms. Fuze reached for his water bottle and took a long swig, Adam’s apple bobbing as he chugged it down then after he offered it to Jäger. Accepting it, Jäger took a sip and rolled his shoulders to ease the tension in them. They weren’t strangers to sharing drinks, it was just another feature of their comradeship but as if lately Jäger began to question many aspects of their friendship. He looked smilingly towards Fuze, brow cocked in question as to why Fuze was watching him for a few seconds.

“Fun?” He asked and received an enthusiastic nod. His smile grew and he chuckled to himself. “You must try the AK next time. Fewer bullets but amazing stopping power.”

They took their guns back to the armoury, their shoes crunching in the wet gravel and Jäger was oddly happy it was just the two of them together, spending time alone with one another and no one else there to disturb their peace. Occasionally as they walked, their shoulders grazed and bumped with one another until they noticed and started doing it on purpose, with Jäger bumping into him wearing a smirk on his face and Fuze tripped him by stepping on his shoelace, but caught him by his hood before he ate a mouthful of gravel. It was childish but Jäger always preferred the more playful, happier side to Fuze.

The two of them reverted back to their usual schedule, with no more appointments and whatnot getting in the way. The break room was often packed and noisy, no place to be if one wanted quietness and fresh air so the two of them took their afternoon break in the alley where the fire exit of the workshop led. It was south facing, perfect to catch a nice beam of sunshine during two o’clock and when it wasn’t raining they spent a good while out there, eating and conversing. For their convenience, they had a microwave and kettle placed in the workshop to quickly heat up meals and make a drink.

For Fuze he prepared himself a protein shake he hadn’t taken yet and settled on his seat, shaking the mixer cup while Jäger picked away at some pasta he prepared the night before. The weather was colder now as the winter settled in but despite that Fuze was still parading around in a t-shirt, arm muscles bulging and it was quite the sight to behold, Jäger was growing more and more infatuated with his physique. He often worked on developing strength and mass, wanted to be stronger while in contrast, Jäger maintained lean muscle and slimness, agility.

Trails of steam snaked from Jäger’s mug of hot coffee which he set securely on the pavement near the dewy grass. He cosied up in his hoodie and tucked into his food, telling himself he did not regret agreeing they should go outside. It would be embarrassing asking to go back inside just mere minutes after sitting there and he didn’t want to humiliate himself so he remained planted on his seat, hoping he wouldn’t start shivering.

“Come down to the pub tonight?” Fuze’s soft-spoken voice immediately caught Jäger’s attention.

Jäger shrugged and swallowed his mouthful. “Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I just heard Maxim and Timur talking about how a bunch of us are planning to go this evening. I might go get a few pints and relax, y’know,” he said and watched him consider it. His smile was expectant and the information given was almost an invitation which Jäger questioned if it implied he wanted him to be there. “Or we could come to my place. Our watch list is getting too long, we need to tackle it sometime soon, hm?”

Jäger cocked a brow and shoved away crude thoughts entering his head. It was as if Bandit has invaded his headspace and took control over his mind. “We could do both,” he suggested and punched himself internally for sounding so enthusiastic. Surprised he hadn’t thought of that first, Fuze’s smile widened then he agreed.

Contented, they returned to their comfortable silence, eating and drinking while they watched a throng of dark clouds in the distance slowly drift towards base. The sun was still shining above them but there was a biting edge to the gusts that were beginning to strengthen. Narrowing his eyes to the horizon, Fuze pressed his lips together then looked at Jäger who palmed his warm coffee, trying to leech off the heat which was rapidly escaping from him.

“Let’s go inside, Marius,” Fuze said then let out a chuckle that puzzled him. “I don’t think you can hold off any longer,” he added and nodded towards the door which they left propped open.

Springing up, Jäger reached for the door handle. “Just because you’re a stereotype,” he muttered back playfully.

  


The pub near their base had quickly grown accustomed to the operatives who were regulars at this point. Occasionally a few recruits showed up for a few drinks, but they rarely ever approached them. As usual, the British were present, stewing over their pints in quiet conversation by their spot in the back, with the new addition of Clash seeming to brighten the mood and encourage them to chat more. Thermite, Pulse and Maverick kept themselves entertained by the dartboard while Ash and Castle ordered their first round of drinks. It was normal for everyone to stick around who they knew to be familiar with, though after a few drinks they would loosen up.

Jäger and Fuze arrived together albeit an hour later than they had planned. Together they were determined to figure out the issue behind an ADS discovered to be defective, and after some time of slaving over each solder joint, testing everything again and again, IQ came in to point one of the resistors were of the wrong value and urged them to get out of the workshop, let their hair down instead of getting their panties in a knot over this. They laughed over it, felt like complete idiots and collectively decided IQ was right. They should go relax.

Down at the pub, there were also new faces. IQ had arranged for her date to come meet her there. A civilian, same age as her, slightly on the scrawny side but still sturdily built. Jäger, Bandit and Blitz scrutinised him hard but did not sabotage her date, they would never dare to. She had described them to be like brothers and certainly so her date could feel it, from how they exchanged looks and awkwardly sipped from their pints while he described himself. Office worker? _Boring,_ Jäger thought to himself and considered the janitors at Hereford Base would be much more interesting. For a majority of their conversation, he found himself spacing out, his gaze drifting to where Fuze had relocated with his squad.

They were playing darts with the Americans, and Jäger would much rather be doing that despite the fact he sucked at it.

It was all menial small talk. Careers, education, lying about their actual careers, then the dreaded topic amongst all three of the men of the GSG9. Relationships.

“So, Dominic, do you have a girlfriend?” IQ’s date asked, a friendly smile on his face and he didn’t mean any malice through the innocent question. After all, he was oblivious to what happened.

Bandit blinked back then his lips curved into an artificial smile. “No, sadly I am single… but I’ve got my eyes set,” he said and nodded. Jäger felt himself smile and their eyes met for a brief moment, then Bandit looked towards Blitz who furrowed his brows and stared back hard. “What about you, Marius?” He asked and passed the spotlight.

“Me?” Jäger gave a nervous laugh and shrugged, his mind instantly springing to Fuze. “I’m also single-“

“But on the prowl,” Bandit helpfully added and waggled a brow, managing to evoke a few chuckles but Blitz stood still, almost in a cloud of thick confusion then uttered something about the bathroom and promptly left. His hand clamped onto Jäger’s shoulder and gave a firm squeeze, the kind that had him slowly inching away to find personal space. “How’s it been going? Any luck?”

At that instance, Jäger lost any ability to form words. He stammered a little, feeling absolutely stupid about himself, then resorted to a pathetic shrug, a languid grin across his face. “Good,” he simply responded and sipped at his beer. “We’re going to his place to watch Netflix after.”

For IQ’s date, he raised a brow at learning Jäger’s crush was a man. For IQ, she was brimming with joy for him. “That’s wonderful,” she said, beaming at him then she looked across the bar to where the Russians were taking their shots for being the losers of darts. “What are you two going to watch?”

“I think that was a euphemism,” Bandit cut in.

“We didn’t finish rewatching Star Wars, but I think he wants to move onto something else,” Jäger began and searched through his memories of when was the last time they had the time to sit down together to watch anything. It was a while back, just before their most recent mission. Since then they had been just too occupied.

For someone who generally sucked at socialising, over the years, Jäger had developed the magnificent skill of just nodding and smiling, pretending to listen but really he was thinking of the vintage car sitting in his garage, partly restored and waiting for him, or Fuze who was a mere twenty feet away and would be much more interesting to listen to than this _randomer_ who he barely knew. IQ seemed to like him though, and he was rather nice unlike some of her past boyfriends who were haughty in a way that made Bandit seem tame. Maybe he would be the one this time to end her countless chain of failed relationships, maybe the entirety of the German unit would find their true love.

It was probably wishful thinking. Maybe he would turn out to be into some weird stuff and IQ would be turned off, maybe Bandit and Blitz would keep beating around the bush until they grow old and wither away not ever telling each other how they truly felt, and Jäger? He’d continue to admire Fuze from a distance and imagine all kinds of fantasies and situations in his head, eventually then the Russian might find someone else and he would grow to accept he was too late for the chase and settle for being by himself- as he had been for the entirety of his life. Perhaps that was his sad, lonely fate which some higher God had decided for him. No, Jäger was not one for superstitions. He had control over this. He needed to make the decisions, it was up to him if he was going to die alone or not.

He looked towards Bandit and Blitz who were talking tentatively at the bar, only glancing at each other every now and again, the two of them trying to continue a stale conversation, and he knew at that instance he would not let it get like that between himself and Fuze. They weren’t going to spend months tiptoeing around their feelings and get stuck into a horrible rut of knowing full well how the other party felt but having no idea how to get _anywhere_ with that they had. Suddenly brimming with a newfound determination- or rather, intoxication- Jäger told himself perhaps tonight was the night. He was going to spill it all out and finally become naked, exposed, bare with him. Not literally, of course not. A metaphorical nakedness, he was going to finally tell him how he really felt.

They caught up with one another by the booths. Fuze gestured for him to come and with a happy yet tired smile, Jäger came drifting close and slid onto the bench with his half-empty pint. His fifth, in fact. They conversed for a while until the Americans egged them to come play darts, and Jäger couldn’t escape from Thermite who practically begged him to play a few rounds. So he did and realised he was not any better at this than he was when sober. Next thing he knew, he was losing round after round and knocking back more shots than he could count on his fingers and during all this fun, Fuze managed to slip away.

Seeking solace, Jäger left the Americans and scanned the bar for his friend to suggest they should leave. There he spotted him, sat by the bar.

A gentle ache bloomed in his chest. The absent smile across his face began to fade then it was as if an icy hand had gripped his throat and squeezed hard. He could hardly swallow the lump there, like an obstruction lodged in his windpipe. He’d never expected it to hurt this much. The sight of Fuze smiling so warmly towards someone else, and that person being a woman neither of them had ever even seen or talked to. They were chatting, not like acquaintances but good friends, with the static of attraction lingering in the air between them. The shock of it was like having water thrown over him, the initial burn of the coldness, then the horrible feeling of everything trickling in, invading every space in his being with negative thoughts. His hands clenched in his pockets and he tore his eyes off them.

No matter how hard he tried to convince himself he was okay, inside he knew he was just inches away from falling apart. The alcohol didn’t help. His emotions were teetering one way then the other at a dangerous rate, threatening to push him over the edge. He settled down near Glaz and Tachanka who were just drinking, watching the game of darts. They acknowledged him briefly but did not talk much and Jäger tried to camouflage into the quietness, eyes downcast upon the rings on the table and empty glasses.

A hand squeezed his shoulder. That gentle touch could belong to none other than Fuze. Jäger glanced over his shoulder to meet his contented expression and he continued to look up at him, eyes blinking and lips unable to perk into a smile in response.

“Let’s go,” Fuze suggested. “My place?”

“Yeah, sure.” He followed him out and braced himself as he stepped through the doors for both the biting wind and whether he would be able to hide his emotions. His head whirled with every step, legs felt as if they had been switched from left to right and his mind was a separate entity from his body, drifting away while his limbs tried to coordinate with one another.

They tried to hail a cab back to the apartment but it became clear they would have to make the fifteen-minute walk home. It was silent the entire journey. Not because of their intoxication, the icy weather and his own thoughts had kept Jäger rather alert. He stumbled alongside him with his hands shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, eyes watching his feet take every step and brows furrowed, brooding into himself. Fuze looked over more than once and nudged him a couple times in playful jest but with Jäger’s reluctance to reciprocate he had decided maybe he was just tired.

Fuze lived in one of those fancy penthouse apartments. It was rather lofty, expensive too and decorated in a modern, sleek way. Jäger had visited numerous times in the past and felt it to be a pleasant place but the view of standing near the windows and peering miles down onto the twinkling streetlights and the black-tar roads had always been an unsettling feeling. He stepped in tonight and slipped his shoes off by the door, eyes following Fuze who wandered into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.

The counter was cold to touch. Jäger leaned against it and accepted when Fuze filled a cup of water for him too. “So, who was that girl?” He asked, trying to feign interest but inside he loathed her and felt completely irrational about it, unable to help himself. It didn’t come out the way he wanted to. Instead, he sounded confused, disgruntled in a drunken way which he couldn’t be taken seriously.

A grin lit up Fuze’s expression and he chuckled then shook his head. “Just someone Maxim tried to… y’know,” he trailed off in a mumble then knocked back the last of his water. “Not my type though. You probably think I’m really picky, don’t you?”

Jäger smiled but it did not hold the same body as it usually did. “No. I’m the same,” he responded in the same murmur and let Fuze gently escort him from the kitchen, along the living room then to his bedroom. Like a moth to lamplight, the second Jäger saw the bed he felt himself naturally gravitate towards it. He crawled onto the mattress then collapsed with half his face mushed into the pillow, eyes falling shut and limbs sprawled.

For a couple seconds there was a lasting silence then the sound of Fuze’s jacket shuffling off, dumped onto the chair by his cabinet. The mattress sunk down and Jäger listened as the springs squeaked under the weight of their bodies shifting to get comfortable. Laying on his back, Fuze stared up at the ceiling with his hands comfortably clasped over his stomach and Jäger was next to him, belly flushed against the bed and body contorted in a strange yet comfortable form. The two of them were going to sleep in the same bed together but it was not in any intimate way, but rather two friends sharing a bed. Sleep was beginning to take over him when he heard Fuze’s quiet voice.

“Marius?”

“Hm?”

“Do you like me?”

There was a moment where Jäger considered would it be strange to respond right away or would it be stranger to actually contemplate about his answer. By then time had passed. “Yeah, I do,” he slurred back and closed his eyes once more, his eyelids beginning to become too heavy and body was quickly succumbing to sleep.

The minute hand on the clock crept along. By now Jäger had fallen asleep, face pressed into a too unfamiliar pillow and the air around him was too foreign yet he was simply too exhausted to even notice.

“I think I love you,” Fuze then said. The room was so quiet he could nearly hear his own heartbeats. For a while he was left to blink anxiously at the ceiling, waiting for some form of response then he turned his head and looked over to Jäger to find his chest rising and falling steadily. He was sleeping.


	6. Set in Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger takes the big leap of faith and succeeds. The road looks rough for Bandit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just here to say thank you all for the support, it makes me really happy to read your comments. So here it is, the big volta for our boy Jäger-- but it is not the end! There is much more to come, so put your seatbelt on because the Fuze/Jäger train is still going full steam ahead! And of course, we can't neglect Bandit but he'll get it someday...  
> Anyways, I apologise for the wait and I hope to be back on "schedule", just had some minor difficulty with getting from point A to B with this one and I was too busy playing vidya gaems heh heh
> 
> Hit me up at a-r-k-t-i-c on tumblr if you wanna. Anyways, enjoy :D

Jäger woke up with a crick in his neck and a splitting feeling in his head as if someone was trying to get to his brain using a rusty knife. At first, he was struck by the confusion of not waking up in his own bed, the scent of unfamiliar laundry detergent which he didn’t use yet oddly liked, and the darkness of the room where the thick curtains block out the natural light. As he pieced the events of last night back together, he reached towards his left and his hand came in contact with a body that tensed immediately upon touching. Fuze made a startled noise, his hand shooting up to ensnare Jäger and held it tight for a good second before relaxing. He didn’t know why he did that. It was out of instinct, his mind had told him to reach out towards where he knew Fuze was sleeping just to see if he was still there and to his surprise he was. Now as to how Fuze felt about being suddenly grabbed during his sleep, that was something Jäger would never know.

The silence between them dragged on. He rolled onto his back and swallowed thickly as his hands moved to rub his eyes. Next to him, Fuze was awake now, his breaths less deep and faster and he shifted stiffly in the bed then tugged the covers closer around him. They were so close, mere inches from their bodies touching one another and Jäger could feel the heat of his body radiating. If he could just close the gap between them he would, but with the blur of last night still on his mind, he had many questions. 

He took in a steady breath and as he laid there he wondered what time it was. Back in his own house, he allowed the sun to naturally bring him to wake or his own circadian rhythm had him up on time but with his hangover and the heavy darkness of the room, he was timeless. Work wasn’t even on his mind at this point. There were other matters he had to attend to.

“Last night,” he began and cleared his throat. He heard Fuze’s breath hitch. “It was something, hm?”

“You were pretty drunk. How much do you even remember?” Fuze gave a low chuckle but his voice was tight and Jäger could sense a hint of nervousness.

The clock on the bedside table ticked quietly. Jäger ignored the stirring sensation in his gut and nausea that was creeping up on him. His thoughts were a tangled mess in his head, in complete disorder and he wasn’t sure where to start. “I remember saying I liked you,” he began, eyes blinking back to the blackness surrounding him and his ears strained to listen for any coming response from Fuze. 

There was a pause where Fuze questioned why this would be brought up. “Do you remember anything after that?” He asked and he seemed to speak rather carefully.

“No. I fell asleep.” Jäger chewed on his tongue and there were several doubts inside him that told him he shouldn’t say this but he bit the bullet. He was tired of keeping this to himself and after last night, witnessing Fuze and that girl, it was a close brush which he did not want to experience ever again. It had to be now or never. “But I meant it. We were talking about that girl before and then when you asked I assumed you were wondering if I liked you in a… romantic way. And I do. I’ve liked you for such a long time you have  _ no  _ idea how it feels and-“ he came to a startling pause and felt the words suddenly catch at the back of his throat. His lips trembled, he didn’t know if the darkness was a good thing. He couldn’t see Fuze’s reaction which was a double-edged sword. He had no idea how he felt yet the act of calculating his expression and deciding on an appropriate approach wasn’t an issue. “And if you don’t like me back, that’s okay. I can deal with that, Shuhrat. Just don’t push me away, please.”

This sensation was no different to having a bullet skim one’s cheek, the feeling of death itself on his doorstep and there was no way to turn back time at this point. Jäger let the horrible realisation sink in that he had possibly just dismantled his friendship right here and then. He wanted to leave, put his shoes on and take a cab back home but his body remained frozen still, sprawled under the bed covers next to Fuze. Nothing was worse than the lack of response, it was driving him wild with worry. His heart began to beat faster and throat tightened as he anticipated what would come to follow.

“I won’t, I won’t,” Fuze murmured back, his voice gentle. The bedsheets crinkled as he turned his head and under the covers where their hands rested against the mattress, he reached out and curled his pinky around Jäger’s, the minor contact was a gesture of affection. While he did not commit to it and hold his hand, the feeling of his finger looped with Jäger’s only indicated something positive. “I’ve always liked you too- maybe more than just like, but I didn’t act upon it because I didn’t think you’d like me back in the same way until recently. I’m… I’m glad you feel the same way, it’s been on my mind for a while now.”

Jäger could feel his eyes on him, searching for him in the dark. He grasped his hand firmly and held it, completely enamoured by the sensation. As miserable as it sounded, he hadn’t experienced this intimacy in years, if at all- memories from his teenage years were barely present anymore. It wasn’t until now that he felt the strong need to experience the simple contact of skin-to-skin; the way the warmth of one person could easily expel the cold. 

His palm smoothed over Fuze’s, calluses rubbing against one another then their fingers slotted perfectly in place like two pieces of a puzzle, meant to be together. With his other hand, Jäger caressed the back of Fuze’s hand. He ran his fingers over each knuckle and the dips between, then where the tendons rose from his skin like gentle mountains, tracing down each valley as if he was memorising the pilgrimage from his fingertips to his forearms. In silent study he followed the river of his bulging veins to his wrist then stopped and allowed for both his hands to cradle Fuze’s as if it was a precious treasure to be cherished. 

Even the act of being able to hold his hand, to feel that kind of contact was euphoric enough. If he could, Jäger would kiss him but he knew the both of them were suffering from a bad case of whiskey-breath from the night before and they’d be better off saving such a moment when they were cleaned up. So they laid there for quite some time, at one point Jäger allowed his eyes to fall shut and he swore he dozed off, but when he woke up Fuze was still by his side and their hands interlocked, holding on firmly. If it weren’t for the blackout curtains, he would be sound awake by now and probably at home, though he wasn’t complaining, he was enjoying his time engulfed by the comfortable warmth of Fuze’s bed.

The time came when both of them were awake yet questioning if they should begin to get up or continue vegetating under the covers. Fuze’s hand squeezed gently several times, then Jäger began to realise how rhythmic it was and eventually connected the dots. Morse.

“W… e… what is it?,” Jäger murmured and felt his lips curve into a grin when he heard Fuze chuckle. 

“I guess it takes too long to say ‘we need to get out of bed’ in morse,” Fuze responded. His other hand reached up and parted the curtains to allow a thick blade of sunlight to enter the room. They squinted then looked towards one another. Jäger was the first to smile, and first to look away. It was habitual for him to always break their eye contact, especially after being caught staring. Yet Fuze continued to watch him, always amused by how he would get rather squirmy knowing he was being stared at. Then he sat up and peeled the covers off himself, losing contact of Jäger’s gentle grasp on his hand. “I’ll get us some aspirin.”

Sitting up as well, Jäger watched as he slipped out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, clad in his jeans and T-shirt from last night. He returned with two glasses of water, the pill fizzing away at the bottom of each. They clinked their glasses and slugged it all down. As they waited for the drug to kick in and take away their headaches, Fuze remained sitting by Jäger’s side of the bed. He placed a hand on his knee to catch his attention.

“How long have you known you liked me?” He asked, a curiosity set into the tone of his voice.

“Maybe a few months,” Jäger told him and feared what he could ask because he was in no position to fabricate intricate lies. “What about you?”

“A year. I think I fell for you after I moved on from my ex. You were just there for me, you cheered me up so much even though you didn’t know it. I appreciate you a lot, Marius.” Fuze gave him an earnest smile and seemed sad for a glimmer of a moment but the more he watched Jäger, the blueness in his gaze seemed to disappear and was replaced by the glow of adoration. He then chuckled to himself. “Plus, there’s no one else around who is as interesting as you are.”

A warmth invaded every crevice of Jäger’s body and simmered upon his cheeks. At first, he was pleasantly surprised then filled with unshakable happiness. He sat almost stunned, facing the reality that this was truly happening. More daunting questions flooded his head. What will they do next? What are they now? Will this last?  _ One step at a time, _ Jäger reminded himself.

The morning was strange to him, yet probably the best he’d had in a long time. He took a quick shower, rinsed his mouth with the mouthwash he found then slipped on Fuze’s hoodie which he had lent him. It smelt distantly of the detergent he used but had been worn perhaps once from the linger of his cologne on it. For a moment Jäger admired himself in the mirror and the softness of the fabric against his skin, still relishing in the fact that this hoodie belonged to Fuze and it fit him so well.

When he emerged from the bathroom he heard the soft sizzle of bacon from the kitchen and followed the smell to find Fuze had begun preparing them a meal, scrambling some eggs in one pan while the bacon popped and fizzled in the other. He moved around, multitasking and keeping track of everything, from the toast to the coffee brewing in a French press. Jäger leaned against the counter and watched him for a while.

“I can drive us to base and drop you home tonight,” Fuze said as he flipped the eggs. “Saves you from having to call for a taxi.” 

It was amazing how the simple act of their eyes meeting could leave him so dumbfounded and lose for words. “Uh, yeah, sure,” Jäger answered and nodded. “That sounds good.”

Breakfast was served at the table with hot, black coffee, strong enough to keep the drowsiness of their hangovers at bay. As Jäger chewed on his toast he wondered if this was how domestic life would be, the two of them in their little apartment or home eating together, watching shows, brushing teeth, tending to the garden, doing everything together in their monotonous little schedules until a mission came by. He wondered how much his life would change, would his living space still remain the same with the usual drab of greens, blacks and whites or will Fuze begin to slowly invade his life and parts of him will appear in every aspect of Jäger. 

Part of him had already changed. Since knowing the feelings were mutual, Jäger had been more aware of himself than ever. He didn’t want to embarrass himself, yet he wasn’t sure how to act. He told himself prior to take one step at a time, but the problem he faced now was what was the next step? He had never been in an actual relationship before and he figured at one point he might have to tell Fuze that, as humiliating as it was. For a man who prided himself on his smarts, he was absolutely clueless when it came to the traditions of dating and relationships- he wasn’t even sure if there was a specific way to going approaching this. 

It was hard. He knew he was being awkward and strange towards Fuze yet he didn’t know how to act as he usually did. He sensed Fuze was more talkative now and he enjoyed that he did not have the responsibility of filling a silence. The car ride to base left his cheeks aching from smiling, whether if it was poorly singing along to the radio or their usual witty jests. They parted way, with Fuze leaving to speak with Thermite and Jäger escaping back to the regular office. 

Bandit eyed him as he came in and strolled towards him where he was preparing a mug of coffee. He stared at him for a good second before humming under his breath. “What’d you do?” He asked, his face painted with heavy suspicion and his eyes were glued to Jäger’s face, watching him grow flustered as if he was pinned down and unable to escape. “There’s a reason why you’re up here and not down there getting comfy with your workshop friends… or, friend, I mean. Spill it, Marius, or I’ll go down there myself.”

“You’re out for blood today,” Jäger murmured back, his voice hushed and he glanced around to see that Blitz was staring at them across the other side of the room, but as soon as their eyes met, Blitz turned back to his computer. He looked briefly at Bandit then shifted his gaze to the tiny black dots of recruits running outside along the grass. Unknowingly he was still smiling, radiating with happiness. “We just talked, that’s all.”

“Talked? Interesting.” Bandit nodded and furrowed his brows. “Talked as in you two hooked up or did he block you on everything and told you to never speak to him again?” 

Jäger almost shivered at that thought. “I told him I liked him and he said he likes me. It’s not rocket science, Dom. We just talked it out,” he explained and received an incredulous look as if it was impossible to merely talk about things. For someone like Bandit, talking it out wasn’t a concept in his world. 

Then Bandit blinked back and narrowed his eyes. “Then… why are you here? Why aren’t you down there talking to him?” He asked.

“He’s with Trace-“

“No, you’re avoiding him.”

“I’m not. He’s just busy-“

“Don’t lie. You suck at it.” Bandit had him trapped with nowhere else to go. Giving in, Jäger nodded silently and took a long drink from his coffee, hoping the bitter taste would expel his feelings of nervousness. “Listen, I know it’s weird that I’m telling you this but don’t let this slip,” he said in a softer tone. “It’s normal to feel anxious but for the love of God, don’t let it take over. I know I can be a massive asshole to you for reasons sometimes and it makes this sound ingenious but I’m glad you’ve gotten somewhere. Don’t mess it up.”

Jäger scoffed. “Why? Do you pity me?”

Lips twisting into a grin in response, Bandit stifled a snort. “Yeah. You’ve always been a bit of a weird loner.” 

They remained loitering at the front of the room where the kettle was situated, leaning against the counter there. Jäger reached for the packet of biscuits and figured he’d take today as a treat day, he’d spoil himself as an excuse to nurse his hangover. “Have you spoken to Elias?” He then asked between mouthfuls of biscuits. 

The forecast looked bleak. Bandit gave a vague shrug and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, he had one too many last night. We both did. There wasn’t much talking,” he responded. 

It took a second before Jäger connected the dots, and when he did felt those horrific, scarring images emerging from his memory. He couldn’t look Bandit in the eye, not while he was imagining the two of them going at it like they were trying to break a world record. “So you two uh…” he made a vague gesture with his hands. “Again?” He frowned as Bandit gave a covert nod. “You guys didn’t try to talk?”

Bandit’s problem with Jäger was that it wasn’t like talking to a brick wall. It was talking to a wall who was completely sentient and often liked to offer unpractical solutions or to question things which were already in the past. A wall who judged him on every action and kept forgetting that things were never easy and simple with Bandit. He inhaled deeply and sighed it out.

“What the hell was I supposed to do, man? He came up to me, he pushed me against the wall and he asked, ‘do you wanna fuck?’ What am I supposed to do? Say, ‘no, instead of having sex we should talk about our feelings like we’re at a support group’? Jesus, no!” His voice was still hushed but shrill, Jäger could feel his entire body flaring red hot with embarrassment. He swallowed thickly and found his eyes glancing back to Blitz who was peeking at them again. “I took him back to my place, gave him the best orgasm ever- dude, stop looking at him or he’ll know we’re talking about him.”

Jäger tore his gaze back to his cup of coffee. “Are you ever going to talk to him? I think you should do it soon, time’s ticking,” he suggested, brows furrowed upwards in concern. 

Still seeming ambivalent about it, Bandit looked down at his feet. “Yeah, I’ll get to it,” he muttered as if it was a household chore nagging at the back of his mind, like the dirty dishes stewing in the sink or the overgrown lawn, his sticky situation with Blitz was an issue in his life that could only escalate more if he chose to postpone it. 

“I can tell him for you if you’d like-“ Jäger blurted out but the sight of Bandit’s face contorting in sudden disgust at the idea had him stopping in his tracks.

For a brief moment the buzzing of Bandit’s phone had him distracted then he prodded his finger against Jäger’s chest. “Tell him and I will castrate you, Streicher. Don’t even think about it,” he warned in a firm tone, making sure Jäger understood before he retracted his finger. Without another word but a hard and steely stare, Bandit left the office. 

Shaken by his sudden aggression, Jäger took a second to gather his thoughts before he slowly made his way over to his desk. He stabbed in his login details and waited for the administrative processes to complete, glancing at the sticky notes left around his monitor. Check over the blueprint for prototype 274 and email to Mark, still owe James £50 from last year, don’t forget to look over logistics for Olivier Flament’s new drone… Jäger itched his head at Lion’s name then recalled his face. There were too many people in Rainbow nowadays and Jäger rarely spoke to any of them, it was hard to learn names. 

In the corner of his eye, he spotted a little note with writing messily scrawled onto it. Not his own. It was like a spider crawled across the page, leaving a derogatory message to ‘get laid.’ He scrunched it up and launched it in the bin, knowing exactly it was Bandit who left it there. There was no one else who had enough time on their hands to get up to things like this. With his computer ready to go, Jäger prepared to get some work done. He wanted to get a working prototype of Lion’s drone ready by the end of the week, run it by some others in the team and make changes then see how it fared. 

He’d immersed himself into the schematics of the initial drone design when he felt a hand squeezing his shoulder. Out of instinct, he squirmed out of the grasp, his body jumping as if it was Bandit who put his dirty paws on him. This time, it was Blitz. He wore a warm smile on his face and looked carefully at him.

“Hey, what are you up to?” He asked, his tone friendly and smile charismatic. Now Jäger knew what the fuss was about with Blitz. He was a handsome guy, like the guy from high school who was great at everything, from academics to sports and every single person fawned over them like they were some deity. Blond hair, blue eyes, built lean yet muscular like a Greek statue. To imagine someone like him with a scruffy man like Bandit was a rather humorous thought.

“Working on Flament’s drone,” Jäger answered, unable to shake off the feeling of discomfort as Blitz grabbed a spare chair and wheeled it over. He felt like the nerdy kid again, approached by someone much cooler and those memories were so, so painful. Although he knew Blitz was harmless, in fact, one of the nicest men he knew here at Rainbow.  “Everything alright, Elias?”

For a guy who often found difficulty with reading others, Jäger could obviously tell he was faking nonchalance. “Yeah, of course,” he said, the tone of his voice was bubbly, his presence warm like the glow of the sun. “Did Dom say where he went?”

“Nope.” It was hard knowing something so scandalous yet unable to say it. The voice of reason in his head told him that Bandit didn’t want him to tell Blitz, yet he was dearly tempted to spill it out. Not because he had done it himself with Fuze, but because it was horrible watching the two of them exchange glances and tiptoe around one another. 

There was another pause where Blitz appeared to be thinking. Jäger had stopped working and studied him, and the more he looked, the more he noticed. He was wearing the clothes from last night and along his neck was a large, red blotch and another not far below. Jäger’s stomach flipped at the idea there was likely more under his shirt, and god knows where else. 

“Marius, can I ask you a question? You can’t tell him I asked, though,” Blitz said in a quiet voice but he wasn’t concerned if IQ could hear. She heard and knew everything but knew to keep her mouth shut. He spoke as if he was too embarrassed to even vocalise his very thought. “Does Dominic ever talk to you about me?”

There was the devil tempting him. Perspiration slicked his palms and Jäger blanked. He couldn’t tell. Bandit didn’t want him to. Yet he couldn’t keep secrets, Blitz would know he was lying to his face. Would Blitz think less of him for lying or would he understand that Bandit was the type of guy to threaten him into keeping his mouth shut? “I… uh…” there wasn’t much time left, Blitz wore an anxious look on his face and Jäger was babbling like he had been hit thrice on the head. “Y-yeah, he does actually.”

A surprised smile spread across Blitz’s face. He sat forward a little. “Well, what does he say about me?” He then asked, now glowing with newfound enthusiasm. 

Jäger shrugged. “You should ask him,” he deflected, almost afraid to see how Blitz would react.

However, he just chuckled. “Alright then. Don’t wanna make it easy for me?” He teased.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Jäger played it off cooly and caught IQ smiling towards them. He glanced up at Blitz to catch his sharp blue gaze. “Y’know, for a guy who charges straight at terrorists, you really are pussyfooting around the idea of talking to someone.”

It was right. Blitz was always the bravest out of all of them, had zero issues with socialising and stepping out of the comfort zone yet this idea of confessing love was something that shook him. Jäger remembered how he felt earlier that morning, how hard his heart pounded when he waited for a response and the elation that came knowing Fuze felt the same way, and he knew it wasn’t the same for Blitz and Bandit but he figured for them it would be much easier. They’ve already had a history together, albeit a complicated one but it was clear as day that they desired one another.

Blitz’s face contorted with discomfort. “I know, I’m being ridiculous but I just don’t know,” he said, deciding to confide in Jäger. “He just seems so… wary- like he’s keeping me at a distance. I can’t tell if it means he doesn’t want me to fall for him or he’s afraid. I mean we already have a fling but I don’t know if he wants to keep it that way or… Marius, what do you think? If you know anything I’ll be happy to know, I swear I won’t tell him.”

The last thing Jäger ever expected was to counsel someone on the matters of love and relationships. If anyone, he should’ve consulted IQ about it rather than Jäger who hadn’t ever been in any kind of situation like that. “Honestly, just talk to him,” he repeated in a simple manner as if the solution was easy and didn’t involve bouts of anxiety and paranoia. “You know what the outcome is, Elias. You’re just avoiding the process of getting what you want because you’re scared of the investment you’re going to make as a result of it.”

It wouldn’t be a daft assumption to make that Bandit carried relatively more baggage than the average person, the kind that required the mental resilience to endure. With Blitz at arm’s length barely any of that emerged but both of them knew a relationship may bring those things out of the woodwork. Elias considered his words then his expression softened and he gave a silent nod, lips pressed together in deep thought. “Maybe I will,” he decided and stood. “Sorry for interrupting you, man. It was a good talk.”

Jäger returned his eyes to his monitor and gave a hum in response.

 

On Jäger’s list of priorities laid two things flashing bright red in his head. Don’t fuck it up and don’t avoid him. He told himself for probably the fiftieth time that he had gotten over the trickiest hurdle and now it was just the final stretch of the race. All he had to do was focus on breathing and look towards the finish line of being able to call Fuze his partner. Hopefully, nothing disastrous would happen, like a meteorite of anxiety flying out of nowhere and wiping him out inches away from the end. 

He entered the workshop and found it to be busier today. Twitch was here as usual but speaking with Lion, trying to explain something to him and with Echo on the side listening along. Seeing all the people here had Jäger wary of himself but he approached anyways with his printed blueprint of Lion’s new drone, streamlined and perfected to prevent issues like overheating which kept occurring in his old gadget. Smaller, more compact yet big enough for all the circuitry that would be stuffed inside. 

Mute, Twitch and IQ pondered over the blueprint for a while then collectively concluded the space provided was sufficient- and by that, they meant they were going to slave over producing a circuit that could fit in it but Jäger was confident they could make it work. They complimented him on his design and pinned it by the board of concepts and half-finished projects. For a while he stood there and scanned his eyes across all the scribbles and half-baked ideas, from a Dr Frankenstein project of merging Montagne’s shield with Blitz’s to Fuze’s idea of cluster charges that could breach reinforced walls- then Jäger paused and looked for it. It was no longer there. Where the papers and schematics had once been were now gone.

He spotted Fuze by his computer and met his eyes, catching him staring. “Hey, what happened to your idea?” He asked, walking a little closer so they could talk.

Fuze gave a shrug. “The prototypes were a mess, I figured it would be a waste of resources trying to make it happen. Plus, it’s risky. At least ten out of the fifty we tested imploded because it couldn’t breach properly,” he said then let out a defeated sigh and Jäger offered him a sympathetic look. Though for someone like Fuze, it wasn’t the end of the world. 

The workshop was noisier than usual, the sound of explosions echoing from the testing chambers, chatter and laughter by the coffee machine. Jäger missed the dreary silence, filled only by the sound of the printer whooshing and the clacking of keyboards. However, right now he was glad there was some sort of noise filling their silence otherwise it would be ten times more awkward. He couldn’t think of a single thing he wanted to say or to talk about and was left standing by Fuze’s desk like a complete idiot, blinking at his feet.

“Let’s get dinner together before I drive you home,” Fuze offered when the thought struck him and his grin was insistent. Jäger gave a small nod in response. “I know a good place. You’re good with Italian, yeah?”

“Sure.”


	7. Signals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger's date goes swimmingly, while Bandit consults Smoke and continues to battle his insecurities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know whatcha thinkin... what's in the cannista- no, what the fuck is this chapter structure, bud? Well, I just felt like it. It's also the first chapter where I do not follow Jäger's perspective but this time I'm giving some insight into Bandit and the aching subplot. It's like when you think the cake is done because Fuze and Jäger got together but turns out the inside is all raw and gooey because Blitz and Bandit are still prancing around each other and giving the eyes. There will be a few more instances where I will be following Bandit's perspective but most of this story will be seen through Jäger because after all, he is our wonderful protagonist.
> 
> Thank you all for the support and the comments. Reading your reactions and thoughts has always been something that brought a smile to my face and encourages me a lot as well.

Some say Bandit was two-faced by nature, some say he was just a troubled soul who needed guidance. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that he was growing intensely jealous and restless. First, it was watching Smoke and Mute, now it was watching Jäger- who he considered to be the most socially inept person here at Rainbow- beginning to spark a romantic relationship. It was clear Jäger’s advice was of no use to him, so now he looked towards Smoke as he always had in the past. Despite the fact he was envious of him, he still found Smoke to be an interesting colleague, whether the pranks they pulled together or just stories of his past escapades. There was a certain chaotic element to both of them that naturally drew them together.

After he brought down the incident report of the scuffle between recruits to Thatcher, he slinked around base for a while, checked the laboratory to find it empty then finally found Smoke digging around the little office reserved for the smaller CTUs. There he was on the floor with a screwdriver, taking out a screw from Mozzie’s chair and upon Bandit’s curious smile, he stopped and grinned back.

“That fucking…  _ spider monkey _ messed with my chair in the lab. Nearly bruised my tailbone,” he explained and pocketed all the loose components. “Eye for an eye, amirite, Dom? A tailbone for a tailbone...”

Bandit gave a low chuckle and glanced over to see Gridlock was willfully ignoring whatever prank war was waging under Thatcher’s radar, Lesion was taking a coffee break and watching him from the corner of his eye, Jackal was staring dazedly in their direction too but for all anyone knew, the man could be sleeping with his eyes open. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, stepped back as Smoke put the chair upright again and set the trap ready to spring. “Y’know what’s weird? I never asked how you got with Mark,” he brought up as they left the office. 

“Huh? Me ‘n Mark?” Smoke cocked a brow and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Erm… we were flirting for a while before it happened, y’know he used to call me a whore and I’d call him a virgin nerd, one day he says to me, ‘I wouldn’t mind losing my virginity to you if I had one’ so I said to him, ‘I know I’m pretty fit but you gotta take me on a date first’ and he goes ‘Alright, seven o’clock tonight.’ You can bet your sweet ass what happens next…” 

There was a pause between them then Bandit squinted at him, skeptical of the credibility of that story. After a few seconds, Smoke caved and laughed. “Alright, I’m taking the piss. The flirting part was true, but what really happened was I found his Grindr profile, we exchanged a few messages and decided to go on a date after work. A couple dates later, I asked him to be my boyfriend and voila,” he said and clasped his hands together behind his back. He looked over to Bandit as they walked and read his troubled expression. “Just ask him out, mate… you two were pretty cosy last night, there’s zero chance he’ll say no.”

A silence followed where Bandit kept his eyes trained on the grey floor as they walked. Smoke nudged him with his elbow and gave a little sigh of frustration. “Right, you’re happy to stick your knob up his arse but you can’t ask him out to dinner?” Faces turned and looks were exchanged. Smoke always had a loud voice and now Bandit wished he could duct tape his mouth shut. “C’mon, just go up to him, say something like ‘hey let's go out for drinks’ or ‘do you wanna grab dinner after work.’ He’s not braindead, he’ll know you’re asking him out on a date. Or send him a text. Do it that way.”

They entered the busy break room and prepared their afternoon meal. Too lazy to have made anything, Bandit opted for a mug of hot coffee and sipped at it, sat across the table from Smoke. His finger traced the rim of his cup and eyes were blinking into the distance, a window into his soul to show that all his thoughts were absent and he seemed to have no idea what to do. There was one path to take yet he stood still and wondered if it was the right one.

Smoke chewed his sandwich and eyed him for a good minute before he swallowed and said, “You like him. You wanna be with him. What more is there to say?” 

Bandit shrugged his shoulders and took a long swig from his mug. “I feel like I don’t deserve him. He should be with someone better, not some… asshole like me. I mean, hell, he thinks I only want him for sex, that’s bad enough already,” he said in a quiet voice, looking towards Smoke in hopes he could offer some words of wisdom.

“He likes you too, remember that,” Smoke reminded him, his tone gentle like a pat on the back. “And who cares if you’re a piece of shit or not? I bet Elias doesn’t, he just likes you for who you are, he likes the good and bad parts of you in the same sense that you do too. Like Mark knows I can be a dumbass, I know he can be a bit of a prick sometimes but we work together on that. Don’t spend your time pitying yourself because he’s too gorgeous, or he’s smarter, or he’s a much better person.”

Speak of the devil. Bandit watched as he entered the break room, his eyes glued onto him and admiring his smile as he conversed with Rook by the microwave, how the edges of his eyes crinkled in such an adorable way when he laughed and Bandit couldn’t erase the horrific longing inside him to cherish him in love. It was the kind of desire where he wanted to yell from the top of his lungs how much he loved every part of him and he wanted to live every day of his life by his side. 

Bandit had lived a life full of heartaches and went through everything he thought was love, and there was what was happening to him now was something he hadn’t ever encountered. He did not love Blitz for the sake of being in love, nor did he love him because he enabled his terrible habits or wanted something from him. He felt that Blitz genuinely liked him for who he was, the kind of attraction that was true and genuine. And to feel this was painful, in the same way that one’s throat may scratch when desperately slugging down water to relieve dehydration. Once he had been sated with the knowledge that their feelings were mutual, it was much more difficult to go on without addressing them.

Their eyes met. For a second Bandit had been too captivated to smile back, then he snapped back to reality and grinned across the room at him. Something washed over him, like a cold chill and he could almost feel himself physically putting on his facade of arrogance. He shifted to make room for Blitz to sit and exchanged a look with Smoke to act as if they weren’t just talking about this.

Looking at Blitz again, he knew deep down he didn’t have to act like this. He didn’t have to be cocky and strut around like a peacock displaying its feathers, nor did he have to be the sarcastic, sardonic bastard he was. With Blitz, he knew he could let down his guard and be vulnerable with him, to show his tender side and not fear judgement for being too sentimental. Despite that, he chose to remain hiding behind his walls and hoped over time he could learn to be transparent with him.

 

* * *

  
  


A table for two. They ate their pizzas in comfortable silence in the corner of the restaurant, illuminated by the glow of a quirky-looking lamp and embraced by the strange atmosphere of the place. On a small stage, a woman strummed a guitar and sung, her smooth voice resonating through the room. There was hushed chatter in the background of couples, friends, families all enjoying their meals and the music. For a while Jäger watched the singer and wondered how she could simply immerse herself into the music without being hyper-aware of everyone around her, listening and judging.

Then he looked over to Fuze to find that he had been watching him before he even noticed. During these times he never knew what to do. There was nothing he could say, and could never just sit still, especially not while knowing he was being watched. He tried to smile at him, but his lips could only twitch awkwardly into a curved line that seemed to resemble an uncomfortable grin, and when he tried to make eye contact, part of his brain refused and he opted for staring at the pattern on the table cloth. 

“Should we stick around for dessert or should we bounce?” Fuze asked, brow cocking upwards in question.

Jäger gave a small yawn. “I’m pretty full. Maybe we’ll check it out next time we come here again,” he suggested, mentally noting to himself that the food here was particularly filling. He was glad he said yes to getting dinner with Fuze, not only did he discover a great restaurant, he questioned the potential this was a date. It certainly felt like one to him, but he didn’t want to put a label on this too soon. 

They split the bill and strolled languidly to the car park. A cool breeze trailed by and the air was clear, pleasant at this time of night. Jäger nuzzled his face into the collar of his borrowed hoodie and listened to their footfalls, the clink of the car keys. The entire street was empty and Fuze took this opportunity to reach out and take Jäger’s hand. His palm was warm, inviting and slid perfectly in place. He looked over and chuckled at the embarrassed grin which had formed on Jäger’s face but despite that, Jäger continued to hold on firmly.

“Your hands are so cold,” Fuze commented, breaking the silence between them. He glanced over his shoulder almost as a precaution to check if anyone saw them then they hurried their pace to find shelter from the chill of the night.

The headlights of his car flicked on as he pressed the button to unlock the doors. 

They let go and Jäger’s hand returned to being cocooned in the pocket of his hoodie where it desperately clung onto what warmth it had. “They’re always like that,” he said as he got into the car. 

The car pulled out of the space and Fuze tinkered with the radio. “Suppose I can keep them warm for you?” He joked. 

Before, Jäger would’ve been surprised to witness him so vibrant and talkative. His earliest memories together were so dry but time proved to him that Fuze was much more than clipped responses and tight smiles. He enjoyed this side of him much more and relished in the fact that Fuze felt comfortable enough to act this way around him. 

During the drive home, Fuze spoke of how many more places he’d like to take Jäger to eat or the movies they should catch some day whenever they had time to. It became clear to him that his attraction was not one-sided but that Fuze was just as eager as he was when it came to what was next in their relationship. Jäger agreed to the suggestions he offered and felt a tremble of joy run through his body at the knowledge that this was going just as he wanted. 

The car rolled into an affluent neighbourhood, a cul-de-sac of manicured lawns and trimmed hedges. The glow of streetlights painted the road a vivid colour of vermillion and Fuze drove slowly, taking in the view of the nicer houses which were quite the contrast in comparison to the towering apartment block he lived in. He pulled up where he recognised Jäger’s house to be. It was the smallest in the neighbourhood, the lawn was kept short but not maintained (Jäger admitted to paying the neighbour’s child a tenner to mow it every two weeks) and he had a garage to the side where he kept his projects of restoring vintage cars. 

The size of his house was almost perfect for two people, perhaps a dog as well. With the car at a halt, Jäger took off his seatbelt and looked over to Fuze, wordless for a brief moment during their prolonged eye contact before his lips twitched. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Shuhrat,” he spoke after seeing the moment had passed, realising he could’ve kissed him but didn’t, there was a dash of shyness in his voice that was unlike him. 

A warm smile spread across Fuze’s face. “Marius,” he said just as Jäger reached for the door handle. He paused and turned to look at him, his heart skipping a beat at the sudden tension that stirred in the air. Where his hand rested on the edge of his chair, Fuze’s hand clasped over it then he leant in and pressed a gentle kiss upon Jäger’s. It was chaste and quick, yet Jäger found his entire body growing hot and inside he was  _ crumbling. _

Momentarily Jäger gawked back at him then he gave a flustered chuckle, hoping to dear god he wasn’t blushing because he was already grinning like an idiot. Their faces were still close, eyes meeting under the dim glow of the street lamp above them and he realised the simple peck was testing the waters. There was tranquillity and gentleness in Fuze’s gaze as he studied him, and Jäger relaxed, allowed himself to gravitate towards him. Their foreheads bumped, tips of noses brushed and faces tilted to adjust. Compelled by an aching desire, Jäger kissed him again and the instinct to pull away never came. To him, this felt right. The pleasant abrasion of Fuze’s beard, scratching against his patchy stubble to the hint of cologne on his neck that could put Jäger into a trance- all of it seemed natural to him as if he was familiar with the sensations, it was not daunting nor uncomfortable like his previous experiences had been.

His lips were soft, movements gentle like the ebb and flow of water, somehow able to adapt as if he could match himself to Jäger’s wavering tempo. When he felt Fuze’s smile against him he knew he wasn’t the best at kissing but they lingered on for a while longer, cherishing the moment while it lasted. The centre console of the car dug into Jäger’s ribs, he ignored it and found himself leaning into Fuze’s touch as he palmed his cheek to bring him closer. If he could stay within his arms forever, he would but reality was quickly catching up to them, reminding them that they were sitting in the middle of a neighbourhood at ten o’clock with the occasional person peeping out the blinds to investigate the sight of an unfamiliar car.

They pulled away, hands retreating and bodies shifting back, relieved from the edge of the armrest pressing against their sides. Jäger let out a shuddering sigh, brows furrowing upwards and inside a tremor of both nervousness and elation ran through his body down to his marrow. It was the kind of satisfaction that could make one internally cry out in joy, almost a triumph to be celebrated, a victory of sorts. Next to him, Fuze brought his eyes to the distance, eyes watching the glow of lawn lights glimmering. 

He cleared his throat and his head turned to glance at him one last time. “We should definitely do this again,” he said, his lips curved into a handsome smile and the butterflies in Jäger’s stomach were conjuring up a hefty storm. 

Fingers curling around the door handle, Jäger nodded back at him. “Yeah, it was fun,” he agreed, still a little overwhelmed by what just happened. He left the comfortable warmth of the car and Fuze’s presence, and stepped into the coolness of the night but memories were fresh, close, still replaying in his mind over and over again as he made his way up the stone path of his front garden.

As he unlocked his door, he heard the beep of his car horn and glanced over his shoulder. He waved back at Fuze then watched as the car rolled down the empty street and disappeared around the corner, the distant shine of his headlights became a ghosting image in his head. His entire body was radiating, almost glowing with glee. He stepped into the familiarity of his home and shut the door behind him, unable to wipe the smile off his face.

  
  


It was unusual for Bandit to stay late at work. Once he did his minimum hours, he dashed for the doors and headed home where he could vegetate in the comfort of his apartment, free from judgement and bother. Today was strange. The fight between two recruits during training, having to fill in the incident report and sit in a  _ stupid _ meeting with Thatcher to discuss disciplinary actions to take, then the long conversation with Smoke that had his mind churning and thinking. His head was clouded more than usual, filled with all kinds of worries and anxieties. 

The clock struck eight o’clock and he stepped into the chilling evening, glad to be free from all his duties. It was amazing how the time had managed to slip from him, most days he was waiting for the minutes to pass. He padded his way across the car park and located his motorcycle, looked fondly towards the glint of the silver and the sleek black. It was only recently that he got back into riding, and he realised he still loved it. 

For a while, he stood there with his helmet sandwiched between his arm and his side, a cigarette dangling from his lips and his other hand gripping his lighter, but frozen as he distracted himself with what junk he wanted to eat for dinner tonight. After deciding to get takeout on the way home, he lit his cigarette and decided he would stay here to finish it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone leaving base as well, the small speck of a figure slowly ambling towards their vehicle.

To his surprise it was Blitz. Their eyes met for sure, even from far away they were looking at each other- wondering if it was really them. As he approached closer, Bandit tore his gaze away and looked down at the wet gravel, took a deep drag from his cigarette to feel another pleasant rush of nicotine. Blitz’s car blinked to life, lights pulsing on and he didn’t get in but wrapped around to stand nearby Bandit.

“Didn’t know you were still here,” he said, his voice quiet yet the tone of it was as hospitable as always. 

“Could say the same for you,” Bandit murmured around his cigarette then sighed out the grey smoke. He watched as Blitz fidgeted, his thoughts instantly going back to all the conversations he had and the urging of both Smoke and Jäger to stop beating around the bush. The script was right there, the words that formed the invitation out for dinner or to hang out at his apartment for an hour or two. He chickened out last second.

There was a look, a spark held in Blitz’s eyes and his lips were pressed together like they were ready to move, his entire body seized tight, strained like a taut string. “Are you doing anything interesting tonight?” He asked and leaned against the side of his silver car. 

A foot of space stood between them, a gap which they could easily close given a few drinks and a metric tonne of sexual tension. Bandit could see himself stepping forwards, pressing his lips against his and pushing his shorter body against his car but he couldn’t bring himself to do that sober, not with the boundaries of their obscure friendship that dictated the only ever contact he had with him was through emotionally-repressed sex and meaningless hookups. 

He hummed under his breath and gave a shrug. “Gonna get some Indian, a couple of beers and relax, I guess,” he said and earned himself a little smile. Although he did not pride himself upon making Blitz smile, he knew it was just out of politeness. “Why?”

“Just wondering, that’s all,” Blitz answered, the tip of one sneaker digging a hole into the gravelled ground and he remained standing there, looking up at Bandit like he was trying to send a message. 

All these signals were driving him crazy. Like imaginary ants under his skin, skittering over every part of his body and invading each crevice, Bandit wanted to douse himself in gasoline than to deal with the wordless implications. What did Blitz want? It was certainly too late for a date, and secondly, the cold feet he had when they woke up this morning suggested he didn’t want to continue their fling yet here he was, giving puppy eyes and presenting himself to Bandit like a lamb for sacrifice to quell his desire for him.

That morning they woke up with their bodies almost cooking under the sun of the afternoon, sticky skin fused together by sweat. Bandit was first to wake up, finding his arms wrapped around Blitz. The covers were kicked to the side and naked bodies laid sprawled on his mattress, hairy legs brushing, chests rising and falling in tandem. He studied how peaceful Blitz seemed with his cheek pressed against Bandit’s chest, his steady breaths ghosting over his inked skin and he seemed comfortable in his embrace as if it was the second closest thing to home. It was then that Bandit realised he wanted to wake up like this every morning with him by his side but it remained as a fantasy when Blitz woke up. 

He had gingerly peeled himself off from Bandit, plucked his clothes from the floor and escaped to the sanctuary of his bathroom where he showered for barely seven minutes. Still in bed, Bandit watched as he gathered his things and left the apartment within twenty minutes of waking up, saying no more six words that consisted of ‘good morning’ and ‘I’ll see you later.’ When the door shut and the silence of his apartment returned, Bandit realised how deep he was in this. He felt like a sad bastard, flaccid and naked in bed, sitting in his own filth as he yearned for him.

Perhaps it was his outward demeanour. Maybe he didn’t show his sensitive side enough to Blitz to show he truly liked him and that those hookups weren’t just hookups to him. Bandit was angry at himself though. If it weren’t for his inability to express his true emotions, he wouldn’t have to hide behind his mask of pretending not to give a shit about anything, the lie that he didn’t  _ want _ to commit himself to anything long term. What he feared the most was Blitz’s impression of him. He didn’t want him to think that he only saw Blitz to be a body to fuck. He adored every part of Blitz and while admitting he had an amazing body, his personality was the real deal.

The pause between them lasted long enough. Blitz looked away and tightened his grip on his car keys. “Well, have a good night, Dom,” he said and smiled towards him, the kind of smile that had him going wild inside. 

The silver Mercedes backed out of the parking spot. With the whole logistics of Operation Confess-To-Blitz, Bandit felt the urge just to throw himself in front of the car. He couldn’t understand why he failed to say anything at every instance, how he could let these moments and chances slip by. Stubbing out his cigarette, Bandit then pulled his helmet on and got ready to make the brooding journey home.


	8. A Sticky Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mere glimpse into the domestic life of Fuze and Jäger's relationship where Fuze thinks he's unbelievably cute and Jäger finds himself incredibly flustered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW this chapter, nothing dramatic but just a warning.

If Jäger were to look at the calendar and count the days they had been together, he’d be surprised. To him it didn’t feel long but three months had managed to fly by with the occasional missions peppered in between to disrupt him from his steady dates and nights spent together with Fuze. It was official. While it felt strange to refer to Fuze as his boyfriend, he adored him in every way from ticklish neck kisses to the nights where they sat curled on the couch and watched endless episodes of their favourite shows. Soon enough his squad found out about his budding relationship.

IQ was overjoyed to hear and leapt to the idea of doing a double date, though Jäger figured he should consult with Fuze first before making any decisions on his behalf. Blitz expressed his happiness for them and looked longingly towards Bandit while he continued to tease Jäger about whether he’s gotten laid yet or not.

Three entire months. Approximately ninety-one days or thirteen weeks. While they were progressing through things rather slowly, they spent most of their days together after work, whether on a date or just sleeping over at one another’s. Over those days, Jäger came to learn several things. He enjoyed being the big spoon and coincidentally, Fuze loved to be the little spoon. It was perfect. What wasn’t so great? Unlike him, Fuze was not the type of person to be bound by schedules and routines. He was spontaneous when it came to things outside of work, woke up whenever he felt, skipped breakfast on some days, had two breakfasts on other days, cleaned when he deemed the place was _too messy_ for someone civilised to live in.

It wasn’t a dealbreaker, but it certainly irked him. Jäger wasn’t accustomed to lying in until nearly ten o’clock on days where training wasn’t a concern. On those occasions, he blinked awake at half-six as usual, laid there for his fifteen entire minutes, but with the addition of Fuze snoozing in his arms, he remained there for an extra hour. It didn’t feel right, just laying in bed and getting nothing done. Perhaps if he was asleep, it would’ve been fine but here he was, wide awake and unable to do anything but think of all the chores left to do. Eventually, he wriggled himself free, pulled his dead arm out from under Fuze where the weight of his body cut off the circulation then slipped out of bed, sure to tuck the covers over him again.

At first, it was strange sleeping with another person. The first few nights Jäger laid awake, listening to the gentle sounds of Fuze’s breathing and it was impossible to sleep. He’d grown too used to a silent environment that the act of having someone sleeping next to him was something that was almost too foreign. His mind was buzzing at the fact that they were sharing a bed, even more so whenever he thought about their relationship.

When he took in the role of the little spoon, he hated it. More sleepless nights of lying awake, a heavy arm draped over him and he felt smothered, unable to move or shift freely while Fuze was fast asleep, breathing down his neck. Weary and exhausted from the lack of sleep, the next time they crawled into bed and Fuze was prepared to envelop him within his arms, Jäger had stopped him and confessed he _really_ did not like being the little spoon.

To his surprise, Fuze seemed overjoyed to hear that. He much preferred being held than doing the holding, and Jäger liked the freedom of detaching himself when he got too warm or clinging onto Fuze to leech off the heat of his body. He’d slide an arm under the pillow and wrap the other around Fuze’s midsection, hand hiking up his T-shirt if he was wearing one and splaying across the soft skin of his belly. The front of his body slotted in nicely along Fuze’s backside, crotch nestled in such a comfortable way.

Now Jäger found it impossible to sleep without him.

Fuze always stirred in his sleep when he escaped bed. “Marius, it’s too early,” he grumbled and cracked an eye open, squinting from the light that flooded in from the windows.

“Go back to bed then,” Jäger told him and refused to succumb to his request to cuddle some more. The carpet had to be hoovered, floors mopped and the laundry had to be loaded into the washing machine. There was simply too much to do, too little time, but with Fuze here he had hours to spare. They wouldn’t arrive into work until later.

The sound of the vacuum cleaner whirring in the next room had woken Fuze up at nine. Groggily reaching for his phone, he remembered it was Sunday and Jäger had a specific custom of doing most his cleaning on a Sunday morning, devoted to the repetition in the same way a Catholic may attend Mass every week. It was the reason why his house was always so clean and pristine, unlike Fuze’s apartment where he didn’t mind leaving a few dirty dishes in the sink or that he mopped the floors when he felt that they had gotten dirty enough to require it.

When Jäger stopped the vacuum and picked up the sound of the shower echoing lightly from the bathroom, he figured he would prepare Fuze’s breakfast, save both of them some time. Eggs, scrambled and beaten lightly, not too much and seasoned with a dash of salt and pepper. Slightly runny, not too cooked. Then the toast was well done, on the verge of being burnt but Fuze enjoyed it like that, claimed it gave more flavour but Jäger joked it was the carcinogens. On the side, he threw three slices of thick-cut bacon onto the pan and cooked them until they were crispy and aromatic.

Fuze emerged from the shower just as Jäger finished cooking. His hair was still wet, beard freshly trimmed and he wore clothes which he had previously left here. At one point Jäger considered asking him if he wanted to move in, after all, he did spend a majority of his time at his house nowadays.

“I made you food,” Jäger murmured as he prepared some coffee.

“Thanks.” Fuze leaned in and pressed a kiss upon his cheek as he passed, the simple gesture painting a grin on his face. He took his plate and smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. “You eat the same thing every day,” he noted and seemed amused.

Jäger cocked a brow. “You don’t wanna eat it?”

“No, I do, of course I do,” he quickly said as he grabbed a fork from the drawer. “I just- I mean, don’t you get a bit bored of doing the same thing over and over? Eating the same food, y’know...” He made a gesture at the bottle of surface cleaner left on the countertop which Jäger had left when he paused to prepare breakfast.

For a second he thought about it then shrugged, finding himself growing shy. “I guess I’m just weird like that,” he humoured him and reached for the spray bottle. Four even sprays, enough to cover the counter then he wiped it down with even, width-wise strokes. “I change it occasionally though.”

Fuze could tell he was embarrassed about it. He always did a thing where he pressed his lips together into a tiny simper, cast his eyes away and busied himself with a task or fidgeting. “It’s cute,” he reassured him and laughed.

“You think it’s weird though, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah, you like doing specific things on specific days and when you can’t, it pisses you off. I think it’s a bit odd but it makes you _you_.” Fuze’s words were gentle yet honest and he offered Jäger a smile when he stopped cleaning and considered it. “You’re peculiar about things and I think it’s adorable.”

He recalled being in a horrific mood one Sunday afternoon, a pipe had burst in the house and rendered the shower, the washing machine, the sink all useless. No cleaning was to be done that day, and the plumbers estimated it would take even longer to fix. Despite IQ and Blitz, even Bandit, offering for him to come over and use their utilities, Jäger still found himself in an irritable state, awfully quiet over the days with the image of the dishes piling up in the sink, his laundry basket which was too full for his liking.

That following Monday he sat up in the workshop and tried to distract himself from his thoughts by working on repairing Blitz’s shield, but Bandit was also there, trying to distract others out of sheer boredom. He watched Jäger for a while and studied his brooding expression, furrowed brows and clenched jaw then snorted.

“Imagine getting worked up over the dishes,” he commented and patted Jäger’s shoulder. “Is it because you’ve only got one plate and one fork? On your last pair of underwear yet?”

“Dominic-“ IQ started, her tone chiding to warn him not to keep going but it was too late.

Jäger shoved him away and stood, the pressure which had been building up over the days was pushing him to the brink of exploding. For a moment Bandit seemed to take amusement in his reaction then paused as he realised he wasn’t angered or annoyed but upset. “It’s not about the fucking dishes!” He raised his voice and heat skittered over his skin, flushing him red. The entire workshop fell quieter, both Mute and Fuze stopped working on their own projects and glanced over at him. “You don’t get it,” he then said under his breath, dropping the screwdriver in his hand and it clattered on the desk. He couldn’t look anyone in the eye and his entire body itched for escape, somewhere he could take a break and cool down.

“Woah, dude… hey, I was just joking around.” Bandit reached out for him but stopped as he flinched away.

“Fuck off, Dom,” he snapped back and headed straight for the fire exit to the alley.

The door slammed shut with a bang and shrouded the workshop in an awkward silence. Fuze and Mute exchanged looks, oblivious to what had just happened since neither of them spoke a lick of German. Blitz stood and stared at his half-assembled shield while IQ shot Bandit a disapproving glare, sighing and muttering under her breath.

“I guess he had to flip a pair of dirty pants inside out. Maybe it’s that bad,” Bandit murmured, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I think you should shut up,” Blitz suggested out of the goodness of his heart. “It’s gonna be like the toolbox incident all over again…”

Outside in the alleyway, Jäger sucked in a deep breath of air and tried to ignore the overwhelming stress that was threatening to give him a migraine. He planted himself into one of the chairs and buried his face into his hands, searching for solace, somewhere where he didn’t think incessantly about how his home was becoming a pigsty and there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do about it. He was still fizzing with emotion, experiencing a strange mix of everything negative.

After several minutes the door opened. At first, he expected either IQ or Blitz to come to check on him, and maybe apologise on Bandit’s behalf, it was what usually happened. However, instead Fuze came with two mugs of coffee, sat down next to him and offered him one.

“Everything alright?” He asked, producing a packet of chocolate digestives from his hoodie pocket. “Is it just Dominic being himself again?”

“Yeah, being a dick,” Jäger murmured back in his accented English. He looked down at the biscuit which Fuze held in front of him and reluctantly took it. The sugary taste seemed to lift his mood, he chewed at it and focused his mind on the water that dripped from the gutters, how the steam rose from his cup of coffee. “I needed a break.”

Fuze gave a soft chuckle then shifted comfortably on his chair and they listened to how the rain fell, taking in the scent of the wet earth. “If you wanna talk about it, you can. If you don’t, it’s okay,” he spoke after a while then sat quietly next to him, simply waiting for him to make a choice. He wasn’t being expectant to hear what the gossip was and Jäger appreciated his offer.

While he knew he could talk to him about anything, Jäger didn’t want to expend his energy explaining the reason why he managed to snap over a joke about the dishes. Truth was, it wasn’t a matter of cleanliness but control. Growing up, changes weren’t easy for him, he enjoyed having his living spaces in a specific way and disliked it when people moved things around. It was hard to feel relaxed in an environment where it didn’t feel quite right and taking up his job at Rainbow required him to move to a new place and a new country.

He spent a lot of time manicuring his house to become a place he called home. The layout of the living room was somewhat similar to his uncle’s apartment back in Germany, his bedroom was nearly the same with the bed against the window and sandwiched by two small cabinets. It mimicked the apartment he grew up in yet had his own touches with the decoration. He had total control over the house and it was a place where he knew he could be safe in, there was no pressure of work upon him nor the unfamiliarity of sleeping somewhere new. He kept everything clean and organised just as it always had been for him.

When things broke he learned how to fix it himself, he carried out all the maintenance, unclogged drains and replaced the broken tap. There was no need to call a stranger in to intrude upon his personal space, stomping dirty boots all over the wood floors. Yet when the pipe burst he knew this wasn’t a job he could do, he needed to hire a plumber to fix it and reluctantly he did so. He called the local plumber, a weathered man who should have retired years ago, one who had a beer gut, smelled like beer, stank of beer and brought his deadbeat son to come help.

That morning the plumber came to inspect the damage and by the looks of his reaction, things weren’t good. Several bursts, one in the mains then another in the pipe leading to the sink which was why Jäger woke up to the kitchen flooded. He watched with hands crossed over his chest as the plumbers worked slowly and he wondered if he should call into work and explain the situation, if he should ask them if they wanted tea, if he should even bother cleaning up since the plumbers would only drag in more muck from the garden.

The thought that there were strangers in his home didn’t stand well with him. It wasn’t as if they were going to steal anything but Jäger much preferred his privacy and that included not having other people over unless he particularly wanted them to. Yet here he was, waiting for them to finish their job and being told it would take longer than a day to fix. He handed over the keys and hoped it would be finished soon, he couldn’t stand the sight of shoe prints trailing up the stairs to the bathroom, remnants and reminders that someone had intruded upon his space.

The cleaning products which were once under the sink were taken out and strewn across the countertops, tools were left behind to be used the next day, discarded on the floor in a neat and organised mess. The lawn in the garden had been disturbed, brown dirt lined along the trench they dug to replace the old pipes. It was later than usual and Jäger stood by the kitchen window, staring out at the uprooted garden.

Perhaps his mind was tricking him but the air smelled different too. With the entire house in calamity, it was hard to sleep. After finishing his can of beer he forced himself to go upstairs, not daring to glance at the sink which had dishes beginning to pile up inside. As bad as it sounded, he felt an itch to spring out of bed and do the dishes but he knew there wasn’t any running water to the house. It was an impulse ingrained at the back of his mind. Eyes staring up at the ceiling, he pushed out the images of the mess in his head.

“What’s so cute about me getting pissed off about things not being the way I want them to be? Most people think it’s really annoying,” Jäger humoured him and scrubbed at a small stain on the stove like a bird preening its nest. He looked over and watched Fuze respond with a shrug, chewing a mouthful of egg. “I don’t think you’ve seen me properly angry, or at least, angry at something or someone else other than Dominic.”

Realising it was true, Fuze smiled into himself and began to wash his own plate. “You’re cute either way,” he said, laughing softly as he watched how Jäger seemed to crumble visibly, not responding but he reddened slightly and tried to act as if he didn’t hear a thing, the corners of his lips fleeting upwards.

* * *

  


When Fuze started coming over more, Jäger wondered how he would juggle his hobbies with his relationships. He had a knack of purchasing vintage cars, restoring them then selling for a profit. The act of fixing the vehicles and polishing them until they shone, finding them a new owner was the rewarding part, not just the money itself. With Fuze visiting often- not that he disliked it- he found the garage collecting dust. Occasionally he found the time for it but for the first while of dating him he had abandoned it altogether, unable to feel comfortable not tending to him while he was around.

Now Fuze came over as if he lived here as well. He parked the car on the driveway, sometimes came in through the garage if Jäger was working there or just knocked on the door until he answered. There wasn’t any need of small talk anymore, Jäger opened the door and let him in as if it just any other day to which Fuze would greet him then lounge in the living room.

It was one of those evenings where Jäger itched his urge to tinker with those cars again. In a focused silence he applied paint onto the old car after having taken the time to smooth out the scratches and fix the dents in the old body. The scent of something cooking had his mind wandering and his stomach growling, then aching and a glance towards the clock told him it was half seven, hours since he ate anything. He hastily finished up then set the tin of paint aside, covering it before he slipped back into the house to investigate the scent.

In the kitchen, Fuze was cooking an old recipe, likely learnt from his babushka or his mother. Jäger trailed close, looming behind him until he was caught approaching.

“Here, taste this,” Fuze said and put an arm around his waist to pull him closer. He took a spoon and scooped a tiny bit of the sauce from the beef stroganoff, blew on it to cool it then fed it to him. Jäger chewed the tiny bit of beef and his belly ached for more, anything to sate his growing hunger. “What do you think?”

“More salt,” Jäger answered and eyed the bubbling pot. He glanced over at Fuze then watched him for a while, his fingers playing at the loose thread of his shirt as he considered what he was going to say. “Would it be weird of me to ask if you want to move in? I’ve been thinking about it, maybe it would be good for both of us.”

A smile spread across Fuze’s face and he looked at Jäger. “Well, you just did,” he said and laughed. “I’d love to, Marius. My lease will be up soon so it’s great you asked, or I’d have signed another.”

For a moment their eyes met, feelings were mutual and fizzling with a kind of honeymoon excitement. Then Fuze gave the pot a stir and gave him another taste, beaming when he responded with a nod of approval. During dinner, they mused over the numbers and details of living together to find it came to a beneficial conclusion. Not only would it be more convenient for both of them, but Jäger also didn’t have to deal with the horrible feelings of loneliness on the nights when Fuze returned back to his apartment.

Condensation on the sides of their cool beers ran down onto the coffee table, leaving small rings of water when they lifted their can up for a sip. After dinner, Jäger rested his head against Fuze’s shoulder and decided the food coma he was slipping in had disabled him from doing any more work in the garage. Fuze had an arm slung around his shoulder, resting on his bicep and occasionally giving a gentle squeeze to check if Jäger was sleeping or just _closing his eyes._ Whatever they had chosen to watch that evening didn’t prove to be as thrilling as the description made it out to be.

It was some action film with a convoluted plot, unnecessary and awkward romance scenes peppered all over and like Jäger, Fuze wasn’t too invested in paying attention to what was happening. He set his beer down on the table and caught the shine of Jäger’s phone screen then decided to curb his boredom by bringing a hand to Jäger’s hair and brushing his locks back. He admired the sandy colour and grinned when Jäger unknowingly relaxed into the massage, too busy responding to a text than to realise Fuze was trying to make him notice.

Finally done with the text, Jäger set his phone down, let out a soft puff of a sigh and returned his gaze to the television. He shifted against him and nuzzled against the soft cotton of his t-shirt, the side of his face squished into the strong muscles of his shoulder. Fuze moved as if he was getting up and Jäger cocked a brow, leaning away to let him go. He gave a confused grin when Fuze pushed him into the sofa, moulding his body into a lying position.

“This movie sucks,” Fuze murmured, wedged between his legs and his hands holding onto his hips by the belt loops. “I think you’re bored too.”

Jäger felt his heartbeats quicken. “Yeah, this movie is pretty bad,” he replied, trying to play it cool but his composure was wobbling when Fuze pressed his lips against his neck, kissing along the stretch of skin as a finger crept under his shirt from where his hands were firmly planted. He bit his lip and returned the gesture by running his fingers through Fuze’s thick hair, taking in a deep breath.

Foreheads grazed as Fuze peppered more kisses along his cheek, his beard brushing against his stubble then he pulled away to admire Jäger’s nervous expression, chuckling at the sight of round, blinking eyes that made him look no different to a deer caught in headlights. In response, Jäger’s lips twitched into a smile in return, his palm rubbing circles into Fuze’s back. He leaned forward to meet him in a deep kiss, cherishing the softness of his lips and the weight of his body pressing against him.

He took in a shaky breath as Fuze’s hands pressed against the bare skin of his waist, carefully exploring with a hesitant curiosity. Jäger let out a groan of satisfaction, his arms tightening around him to bring him closer. Their hips met and the thigh between his legs pressed against his crotch, the contact sparking an excitement that made his jeans seem much more constricting than he remembered them to be.

The cool air of the living room caressed his abdomen as Fuze hiked his shirt up, his hands splayed across his ribs. The sensation was ticklish but he was much more focused on his growing erection that was straining in his underwear, desperate for some form of friction. From how Fuze seemed to push against him then ease off, he was clearly teasing him, wanting to get him close to the edge but keep him there, breathily gasping for more. He couldn’t help but to grind his hips, rutting against him in a pathetic way to gain some kind of release for the frustration pent up inside. The more frantic his breaths grew, he could feel Fuze smiling against him and he gave him a hand by reaching down and squeezing him through his jeans.

“Excited?” He asked, his voice almost a whisper but so clear and audible in his ears. His lips were curved upwards into a smirk, taking enjoyment in how Jäger seemed to squirm under his touch, not out of discomfort but pleasure. He could only wonder what it would be like if they went any further. Before Jäger could even think of a response, he had captured his lips again into a passionate kiss.

His hand massaged him through the thick denim of his jeans, teasing as if to undo the buttons and pull down the zip but never doing so. As time seemed to crawl, Jäger grew restless. There was a tightening in his groin, his socked toes curled and he took in short, shallow breaths. His fingers grasped Fuze’s t-shirt and when the sensation became unbearable, he pulled away, brows furrowed upwards and he was completely flustered.

“Stop, Shuhrat- I’m gonna-“ the words rolled out in quick succession but then his entire body tensed under him, his breath hitched with the contraction of his muscles. It was too late. The tips of his ears reddened and Jäger couldn’t look him in the eye. He gently pushed Fuze off and got up. “I-I just… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” he stammered over his words and babbled for a second before falling into a humiliated silence.

Fuze sat back and seemed exhilarated. “No, it’s okay,” he reassured him in a soft tone, unable to stop smiling which only made matters worse, Jäger grew more anxious at the idea that managing to come from heavy petting was laughable. “The movie’s over anyway. Go take a shower, you’ve been working all day.”

Without another word, Jäger nodded then escaped up the stairs. He quickly found a clean set of clothes and locked himself in his bathroom where he rid himself of his clothes and peeled off his pair of sticky briefs, horrified at the mess he managed to make.

For a man who did not have many sexual experiences, anything could set him off. He didn’t have a high sex drive and never quite had. Throughout his life he solved his issues by himself in private, he rarely had any dirty thoughts nor felt the primitive need to be on the prowl for sex like Bandit and Smoke always bragged to be. He wasn’t a complete virgin though. He had experiences in the past with women, but never went the full nine yards. From videos, he was familiar with the process and knew what went in where, what happened and the birds and the bees but he wasn’t familiar with it in practice. It would explain why he was horrible at kissing.

Now with his relationship with Fuze, he knew it was a matter of time before his naivety showed- had it not already- and eventually Fuze would find out he was his first ever boyfriend and likely his first ever partner. At his age, Jäger was embarrassed about it. Most peers would’ve been married by now and had multiple kids, and here he was still taking his first steps. His only argument as to why he wasn’t on par with his peers was that he was too caught up with his career to take the time to form meaningful relationships. He never had the urge to court someone until he met Fuze and the realisation that he desired a relationship with him.

He emerged from the bathroom to find Fuze already in bed, sprawled across the fresh covers. He gave an inviting smile as Jäger put his wet towel on the radiator, shifting to give him space on his side of the bed. Jäger crawled under the covers and saw the look on his face.

“Please don’t talk about it,” he mumbled as he rested his cheek against Fuze’s chest.

“Alright, we don’t have to.” Fuze reached and turned the bedside lamp off. His arms enveloped around Jäger, a hand moved up to feel his damp hair. He knew they would stay like this for a while until he rolled over and then Jäger would be the one hugging him close. From how Jäger still breathed in a regular rhythm, he was still lying awake. “It was kind of hot, though.”


	9. Under One Roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger consults Bandit for relationship advice and Fuze moves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see ya later, virgins
> 
> Anyways, NSFW chapter, goes kinda into it but not all the way. Jäger's definitely the type of dude to wear boxers.

It had been several weeks since the incident. The sticky situation, as one may call it. Jäger thought about it on the occasion and always cringed, even if he knew Fuze didn’t really care much about it. What he knew was most important was to never ever, under any circumstances, let Bandit get hold of the information. It would be like giving matches to a pyromaniac and Jäger had no interest in blowing up the planet. The only good thing to come out of that evening was an odd curiosity, a sexual kind that had him frisky. 

Part of Jäger knew he really shouldn’t be talking to Bandit, but he also knew there wasn’t anyone else he could talk to about this kind of stuff. He couldn’t approach Blitz with this topic, it would be strange since they were more colleagues than they were friends, and he didn’t want to talk to IQ about it, it would be like consulting one’s sister on sex and even Jäger had an instinctive feeling that it was strange. So Bandit it was, the wise man of many, many experiences. 

These days Bandit seemed rough around the edges. He wasn’t really the type of guy who was on top of personal hygiene, he was okay with letting his beard go wild or not bothering if he woke up with cowlicks in his hair. Sometimes he looked like a homeless man and Jäger wondered how Blitz could even let him touch him, mindless get naked in bed and do the deed when he smelled like cigarettes and stale beer. Love is strange, he supposed. 

Bandit gave him a look when he approached. “What do you want? It wasn’t me this time,” he grunted at him, scowling as Microsoft Word stopped responding. Jäger knew he forgot to save. “Fucking piece of shit, I swear to god…”

“I just wanted to talk to you about something but if it’s a bad time I could go,” Jäger mumbled, hands tucked in his pocket and he remained aloof, knowing to never get too chummy with Bandit when he was in a bad mood. 

Seeing as his brief spur of productivity was defeated by a simple inconvenience, Bandit motioned for him to sit down and threaded his fingers together as if he was a counsellor, awaiting to be consulted over an issue. His lips twisted into a smile when Jäger looked around to check who was in the room. Gladly, no one. Bandit could read him like a book. “I recommend Sundays if you’re trying to schedule a day to have sex on- oh wait, you clean your house on a Sunday. It might clash,” he began and pretended to think deeply. “Fridays are also good, makes it feel rewarding for getting through the weekdays.”

Jäger rolled his eyes. “It’s not that,” he muttered. “I just think things are going to get more serious between Shuhrat and I.”

“It’s been… what? Four months? Dude, I’m surprised you two haven’t broken your bed yet,” Bandit said, a brow raised. “You two haven’t done anything? Anything at all? Is he Catholic? Are you asexual?”

Jäger’s fingernails dug into his palm at the flashback of the sofa. “We have done things but nothing too big. I’m just wondering if there’s anything I should know, just in case.” He bit his inner cheek and watched Bandit fidget with a paperclip. 

“Don’t get pregnant,” Bandit advised and received a stare. “Use a condom until you both get tested. If he gives you crabs, burn all your bedsheets and your underwear.”

“I’m being serious.”

“You can’t expect me to be serious when you’re asking me for advice on sex,” Bandit said drily and gave a nonchalant shrug. “Go missionary, relax and use lots of lube? Everyone knows that. It’s not rocket science. You’re a smart guy, you can figure it out yourself.”

“I’m not smart in that sense, you know me,” Jäger said in a hushed tone and fell into a tense silence when he spotted the door opening. Blitz walked in and gave the two of them a stare, smiled at Bandit then picked up a manila folder off his desk and left. Bandit returned the smile then looked back at Jäger. “How do you know when it’s your turn to do something? What if I want to do something but he’s trying to do something else?”

“Too many somethings… look, Marius. It’s human nature to fuck. We see attractive people, we wanna fuck ‘em. It’s an instinct we follow, it’s all spontaneous. Sex is just,” he paused to think of the right word. “It’s just messing around. There’s no way about it. It just happens, whatever flows goes and you just go with it. If you somehow start doing weird stuff and it feels right, then go along with it. In the end you’re just trying to find whatever feels good so you can bust a nut. It’s a team effort.”

It wasn’t the answer he was seeking but sufficient. Jäger took it to heart then gave a small nod in understanding. With his new findings, he was prepared to leave and ponder over it while he tinkered in the workshop. He stood to leave, now satisfied. 

“Oh, hey.” Bandit stopped him before he left and spoke in a covert tone. “I don’t think I have to say this but uh… from my own experience, just trim down there. Keep it tidy, makes it easier for everyone.”

Thinking about it, it was sound advice. Jäger nodded again. “Thanks, Dom.”

 

* * *

  
  


The lease on Fuze’s apartment was ending soon. They agreed that he would move into Jäger’s house and they’d split the bills evenly. After all, the pay at Rainbow was rather hefty and it wasn’t as if they earned significantly more than one another. They drove to his place after work and continued the long process of going through the possessions he had gathered over the years and making the decision whether to throw it out or take it with him during his move to Jäger’s house. 

Jäger folded his shirts and put them into a cardboard box, then reached for the next shelf in the drawer and pulled it open to reveal inside was all his underwear. For a second he was squeamish, considering skipping this drawer for Fuze to deal with but then he stopped being childish about it. He grabbed the marker, labelled one of the boxes then started filling it. As he did so he was quite surprised at the brand-name briefs he had, from Calvin Kleins to Armani. Then his mind began to wander and conjure the enticing image of Fuze wearing those briefs, how they would hug his muscular thighs so nicely and present his hard and-

“Do you know what I just realised?”

He stopped thinking and looked up at him, both hands full of his briefs and boxers, a jockstrap dangling from his wrist. For a brief moment, Fuze’s eyes glanced down at him holding all the underwear and his smile widened ever so slightly. “Your duvet is super heavy,” he made his point then packed his own into the box of things to throw out. 

“Yeah, it’s weighted. It’s supposed to help you sleep better and relax more,” Jäger said then found himself smiling. “You’ve got a lot of underwear...”

With the two of them alone together, Fuze was prone to sentimentality. As he passed by Jäger he moved to press a kiss onto his neck. “You help me sleep better,” he mumbled and laughed when Jäger squirmed away out of embarrassment. “Hey, you don’t cheap out on three things in life. Underwear, shoes and bed. When you’re not sleeping, you’re wearing shoes, and you’re always wearing underwear.”

Jäger raised a brow to his wisdom and lifted two stacked boxes of clothes. They began to fill the trunk of his car, playing an intricate game of tetris to maximise efficiency. If they were more prepared, the two of them would have driven their own cars to move Fuze’s possessions but on that particular day Fuze wanted to share the company of slow-moving traffic in Jäger’s nicer car. 

They drove to the hum of the radio, Jäger tapping his finger on the steering wheel as he waited for the lights to turn. Fuze found his eyes moving down to focus on his other hand which rested in the gearstick, then he reached out and grabbed it. It wasn’t hard to garner a reaction. Instantly, Jäger looked towards him and grinned, seeming confused.

“What?” 

Fuze shrugged. “Nothing. Just holding your hand, that’s all,” he said, his tone nonchalant. “We’re not at work, who cares?”

“I’d hold your hand at work,” Jäger mumbled back. “You just don’t like it.” 

“Yeah, because I don’t want everyone knowing we’re dating, nor do I want to shove it in people’s faces.”

“You’re ashamed of us?”

There was a pregnant pause as Jäger pressed on the acceleration and they took a turn in the direction of home. Fuze swallowed thickly. “Maybe I am. It’s just how it is, Marius. I’m not used to people being so… accepting of it. I’m perfectly fine with dating you outside of work but it’s going to take time for me to openly say we’re a thing,” he said, seeming guilty about it. 

However, for Jäger, he was ambivalent about it. His squad mates weren’t the type to go around telling people, they were happy for him and accepted it as it was. As for himself, he was not an extrovert socially and he never will be in the workplace. He didn’t mind the idea of keeping their relationship private, as he would have never deliberately announced it if he had the choice. 

There were time and place for everything. For some people like Smoke, he was the type of guy to think that he was dating someone who he happened to work with, while on the other hand, Jäger and Fuze saw themselves to be two people who work together that somehow ended up dating. They put their jobs before themselves and Fuze took his precautions. He’d much rather bury his personal life than risk being ostracised by his own teammates, afraid that the warmth and friendship were illusions.

“So, what do you think of Mark and James then?” Jäger went on to ask, curious of it. “Do you think they shove it in people’s faces?”

For a moment Fuze made a face, his lips twitched as if to speak but he remained silent for a few more seconds. “They’re brave. Mark is bearable, sometimes James is over the top but I imagine he’d be the same way if he was dating a woman,” he simply said. “I suppose it’s just the different cultures. I would never dream of even… holding hands, much less kissing each other so openly, y’know?”

Jäger understood what he meant. It didn’t take half a brain cell to wrap one’s mind around the fact that not everyone accepted the idea of two men loving one another. However for him, in comparison to Fuze, he didn’t feel such need to take precautions but he did not grow up in an environment that had an opinion on these matters. In fact, now that he looked back, he came to the realisation that his Uncle never asked about relationships. There was never the playful jest of asking if he had found a girlfriend yet or asking if he liked a certain someone. 

For a while now he was meaning to tell him, but he didn’t want to do it over a text. It had to at least be a call although he never found the time to make one. And if he ever did, he didn’t know how he would even say it, how to bring up this subject without it being strange, but he supposed it was like that. 

He pulled up onto the driveway of his- no,  _ their  _ house. Together they brought each of the boxes in, set them in his bedroom then laid down to rest their muscles. Jäger remained sprawled on his bed as he watched Fuze arrange his clothes into neat piles, sat on the wooden floor as he did so. He unpacked his things, placed them into the drawer which they had built together just for him on the same day they signed him onto the mortgage of the house as well. 

Jäger found himself smiling as he realised this was really it. They were permanently living together now. He was never certain about the idea of living with another person, but with Fuze he was more excited than he was nervous. 

Downstairs, he went to search for a drink then came to a pause when he opened the fridge and noticed it was rather empty. Puzzled, he glanced at the calendar and saw it was the first Monday of the month, two weeks since he had last gone to the grocery store to stock up on food. He was too occupied with moving to remember it was on his list of chores. When he returned to the bedroom to find his jacket, Fuze was collapsing the boxes.

He looked up a Jäger. “What’s the hurry?” He asked.

“Forgot about doing the groceries. I’ll be out and back in thirty minutes, I won’t be long,” Jäger answered and gathered his wallet, stuffing it into his pockets. Then he caught Fuze’s smile and the implication behind it, thought about it for a good second before asking, “Join me?”

On days where the supermarket wasn’t packed with people, Jäger could get home within twenty minutes. His fastest record was seventeen minutes, most of it being travelling. He estimated if it hadn’t been for the chatty cashier and the customer who couldn’t stop gloating about their baby, he would’ve been out of there by fifteen. As he drove with Fuze sitting in the passenger seat, he had a good feeling he would be in the grocery store for longer than usual. Fuze had a tendency to knock him off his schedules.

Instead of making a beeline to where the items on his list were, they decided to make their way down each aisle. They filled the cart with the essentials then spent some time finding snacks, picked a nice bottle of red wine then made their way to the checkout. Compared to before, the cart was much fuller but Jäger recognised that Fuze had a much larger appetite than he did. 

The clock read seven o’clock when they returned home and the sun had set long ago. Fuze was in charge of cooking dinner which was something they unanimously decided without even discussing. Between the two of them, he was much better at cooking. After all, he didn’t just spice his food with only salt and pepper. It wasn’t that Jäger wasn’t aware there were more spices that could enhance the taste of his food, simply he never bothered because he couldn’t ever go wrong and mess up his food if he didn’t use them. 

Fuze didn’t follow recipes to the exact word but preferred to glance at the ingredients list then freestyle his way through it. Either way, he always managed to make something flavourful and encouraged Jäger to eat something other than baked chicken breast and boiled vegetables. 

While the steaks were cooking, Jäger sat on the counter and glazed his eyes down the receipt. There wasn’t anything that stood out for him, other than the excessive amount of junk food which was now crowding his cupboards. Then he paused, his brows furrowed down in confusion and he felt a wave of heat run over his body. Amongst the long list of items was a pack of condoms which managed to slip by his attention when they were at the cashier. 

Scrunching up the receipt, he then tossed it in the bin and perked to the sound of Fuze calling for him to get glasses for the wine. They ate dinner in a comfortable silence, occasionally nudging one another under the table. Jäger had his eyes glued to the television as he absently chewed at his steak, then he reached for his glass of wine and sipped, grimacing slightly at the strong flavour. All his life he has grown used to beers and ciders, anything stronger always made him pull a face. 

He paused as Fuze gave him a look. Then slowly, while maintaining eye contact, Fuze reached for his glass of wine and sipped from it, barely managing to keep a straight face. “What? Why’d you do that?” Jäger questioned, smiling back.

“You just drank from my glass.”

“No, that was mine.”

“I put mine on the left.”

Jäger reached for the bottle to top their glasses off and shrugged. “Does it matter?” He mused, considering they were happy to make out with one another but when it came to accidentally drinking from each other’s cups it was something rather strange. Then Fuze shook his head in agreement and sipped again at Jäger’s glass, content after finishing his meal.

They migrated to the sofa after putting their plates in the sink. The alcohol had Jäger sluggish, too tired to even fuss about getting the dishes washed. He curled up on the sofa and rested his head on Fuze’s lap, his cheek pressed against his sturdy thigh and he closed his eyes at the sensation of his fingers gently carding through his hair, massaging his temples then affectionately rubbing his stubble. Then his hand rested under his chin, coaxing his head back and Jäger felt him press a gentle kiss upon his lips. He looked up and met Fuze’s gaze, the look of adoration that had him melting inside. 

Jäger sat up and shifted to kiss him in return, feeling the sudden urge to. An arm looped around his midsection to pull him close and Fuze’s breath ghosted over his skin as he exhaled lightly, sinking into the touch of his lips. Fuze had pulled him into his lap and he comfortably wrapped his legs around him so his body slotted in with his. If he could, he would do this forever, embraced within Fuze’s arms and close enough to hear every shuddering inhale, feel his ribs expand and contract. His hand rested on the warm skin of Fuze’s neck for a moment before it slid to his nape, fingers playing at his short cropped hair. 

In one swift movement, Fuze hoisted him up. Surprised, Jäger clung onto him like a koala and avoided squawking about getting dropped. He felt a small smile toying at his lips and pecked Fuze’s cheek. Under the influence of a couple of drinks, he was always like this, it brought out the lovesick fool he really was and never failed to find Fuze showered in his love. 

Arriving in the bedroom, Fuze lowered him down onto the bed then reached to turn on the lamp. He settled himself between Jäger’s parted legs and planted his hands at his hips, fingers curled around the edge of his t-shirt. As their kiss grew more passionate, his hands began to explore and wandered upwards, hiking his shirt up to expose the pale skin of his chest. Jäger felt a familiar tension in his groin as the hand caressed his abs then moved up to splay across his pectoral. They pulled away and Fuze took this opportunity to ease off his shirt. 

The air brushed cool against Jäger’s back and he felt goosebumps rise over the backs of his arms but this was quickly remedied by the warmth of Fuze’s body pressing him into the bedcovers and he let out a contented groan at the sensation of his body weight against him. Hastily Fuze took his shirt off as well and snared Jäger by his belt loops, pulling him close and he sucked light marks along his collarbones. He fumbled with the button on Jäger’s jeans, pulling and prying with a kind of desperation that had Jäger straining in his underwear.

When he managed to undo his button and pull down the fly then he tugged his denim jeans down, cursing at how they clung and bunched around his ankles. Jäger paused and halted him by gently touching his arm. 

Confused, Fuze blinked up at him and let go. “What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?” He asked, concerned by the nervousness painted across Jäger’s face. 

Jäger shook his head, still overwhelmed by his thoughts and feelings. “No, it’s fine, I-I just…” He swallowed thickly and his body tensed when Fuze brought a hand to his bare thigh, a touch of reassurance. “I’ve never done  _ this _ before,” he admitted under his breath and couldn’t shake the urge to hide himself, the heat of humiliation skittering over his body. 

Although Fuze only offered him a comforting smile. “We’ll go slow,” he promised and kissed him, hoping to rid his frown. “If you need to stop, just tell me, okay?”

And slow they went. For a while they kissed some more until they managed to ease off each other’s clothes, leaving both of them almost naked in bed. He grew comfortable sitting in Fuze’s lap with his hands between his legs, touching and grasping with an innate curiosity. Then he shifted and pushed Fuze down, coaxing him to lie down as he kissed down his chest, a hand caressing his sculpted pectorals before sliding to the waistband of his navy briefs. From what he had watched in the past he had a good idea of what he was going to do, but he realised that actually doing it was far different from watching someone else. 

Tentative, his fingers curled under the waistband then he glanced up at Fuze to find the approval he was searching for. Then he slipped his briefs off until they clung mid-thigh and feasted his eyes. He wasn’t just going to sit there and stare at  _ it _ like an idiot, so he told himself it was really no different to jacking off, only he wasn’t touching his own body. To him, it was fascinating. Fuze was much broader in many aspects in comparison to him, the tone of his skin was lovely yet different and the slight contrast between them was something he could stare at all day. 

The sound of Fuze groaning under his breath was a good sign, a sign that told Jäger he was on the right track. However, for him, he was calculating the next step, thinking too heavily upon it. He’d completely forgotten Bandit’s words that sex wasn’t a procedural act with predetermined events, although, at this time, Bandit was the last person on his mind. He shifted down the bed a little and took off Fuze’s underwear, tossed them towards the pile of clothes they left discarded on the floor. In his head he pictured what to do next but when it came to it, it was much more awkward to carry out.

His mouth watered a little as he looked down, but his throat was tight and there was a lump, preventing him from swallowing. Fuze’s lips provided ample distraction as they peppered kisses across his chest. In hindsight, it wasn’t much about the act itself but the fact that Jäger didn’t have a clear idea of what he was doing. He was afraid of making himself look like a fool but this was something that improved with experience.

Biting the bullet, he dipped his head down and began with a firm lick along the underside of Fuze’s cock, then he carefully sucked on the tip and took more of him in. In theory, taking all of him in wouldn’t be much of a challenge but now that Jäger was several inches in his mouth he came to the realisation he probably wouldn’t be able to go half way. Fuze gave a quiet sigh of pleasure and his hand touched Jäger’s shoulder, rubbing the skin in assurance. 

“Fuck, Marius…” Fuze muttered and furrowed his brows, a hand scrunching up the duvet covers in his palms. He took in a deep breath and looked down again, his hand moved to stroke Jäger’s hair back. In almost a trance he watched as his head bobbed up and down, focusing on the first few inches then he paused to lick along the shaft. 

There was an ache beginning to settle in his jaw but he kept going. Jäger listened to the sounds of his quickened breaths and figured what Fuze liked, how his hips stuttered under him and he shifted his legs, toes curled. As he took him in deeper, he felt it hit the back of his throat and held back his choking but it was too much. He pulled away and took in a small gasp of air, a hand reaching up to wipe at his spit-slicken chin. 

Fuze reached for his arm and pulled him into a deep kiss before pushing him down onto the mattress. He didn’t hesitate to tug down Jäger’s patterned boxers then chuckled to himself as he held them for a moment.

“What?” Jäger sat up and resisted the urge to cover himself. After all, he wasn’t used to being naked around another person. 

The boxers joined the sea of clothes on the floor. Fuze settled himself between his legs and ran his hands along his inner thighs with a contented smile. “You’re cute,” he told him, referring to his choice in underwear. Their noses brushed in the close proximity, lips were barely millimetres from touching before Jäger pulled back a bit and looked him in the eye.

“No training today, gotta let it hang free. You get me?”

A sudden smile broke Fuze’s endearing expression, he chuckled and his eyes flicked down to Jäger’s lips which curved into a thin crescent. He leaned in and kissed him hard, a hand moving to the nape of his neck while the other ran along the length of his thigh. Then slowly, he caressed along the trimmed hairs of his skin and he gave a light squeeze. Jäger’s breath caught and his entire body tensed up as if he had been shocked by electricity.

“Relax,” Fuze whispered and his hands continued to explore, touching him in ways which he’d never expected to feel so good. When his breaths grew frantic and shaky he eased off, impressed by the amount of precum dribbling down the shaft. He let go and reached towards the bedside drawers, rummaged and took out the box of condoms which he bought earlier, along with a small tube of lube. At the sight of it, Jäger could feel his stomach coiling in nervousness, he swallowed thickly and propped himself up onto his elbows, watching with an uncertain expression as Fuze picked at the label sealing the lube. 

“Here,” Jäger mumbled and took the tube, peeled the seal off in one swift movement then handed it back.

“Thanks.” The cap popped off, Jäger swallowed again and eyed him as he squirted a small amount onto his fingers and gingerly spread it, making sure each digit was slick. Then he noticed the look on Jäger’s face and cupped his cheek with his clean hand. “You okay?”

Jäger mustered a simper. “Just nervous… I guess,” he answered and took in a deep breath when the bed shifted to Fuze moving carefully. He parted his legs a little more then his entire body jolted at the icy feeling of his fingers grazing his skin. “T-this is gonna sound stupid but uh,” He paused again and studied how Fuze halted. “Does it hurt? Will it hurt?”

“No,” he told him and his finger pressed against his heated skin, the wetness of it making him jump and a gasp tore from his throat, every muscle in his body fixed and rigid. Fuze kissed him on the forehead and offered him a comforting smile. “It’ll feel good if you relax, yeah? We can always stop.”

It wasn’t exactly the bliss and fireworks which Jäger had envisioned, but it was a fulfilling sensation. The fire of their bodies, hugged so close and securely, lips dancing to the slow, deep ballad of their hushed groans. Then the build-up, hurried movements that grew more and more feverish, fingers dipped into skin and grasped desperately to feel and grab. For what felt uncomfortable at first, Jäger grew surprised when his loins drew tight, his toes curled and what happened next wasn’t like anything ever before- but better, more intense and powerful.

Chests rose and fell in tandem, naked bodies laid upon cool sheets and Fuze moved his leg on purpose to reach out and graze Jäger’s. Their eyes met then he slid a hand over and looped his pinkie finger around Fuze’s finger, then he grinned and couldn’t help but to laugh. A low chuckle rumbled from deep within Fuze’s chest, then he passed over a towel for him to clean up with. 

The dim light rested on every contour of muscle, each breath disrupted the stillness of the entire house and it was like time had halted, it was just the two of them suspended in this realm of themselves and their own thoughts, ticking away in the silence. The towel sat musty on the floor, in the sea of clothes they had left strewn across the room. This was the kind of mess that would have Jäger freaking out, but at the moment the only thing on his mind was the  _ gorgeous _ man lying next to him. His entire body was fizzing with a kind of emotion, the kind that tingled down to the tips of his fingers and a current of warmth bloomed in his chest, spread outwards until he was encapsulated by the urge to love him whole as they had done moments earlier. 

Fuze reached for the lamp and closed it. The darkness shrouded them.

Jäger shifted on the bed and wriggled close to him, their sticky skin coming into contact and he draped an arm over his midsection. Fuze responded with a contented noise and rolled onto his side, allowing himself to be embraced within Jäger’s pale arms, crisscrossing over his abdomen while the front of his body pressed tight against his back. Fuze’s body radiated an inviting heat and his hand clasped comfortably over the back of Jäger’s, the calluses rubbing over in small circles. 

After several minutes Fuze relaxed in his hold and his breathing slowed. Jäger wanted to nurture every inch of him, praise his physique and explore his body of all its secrets, but now he settled for the firmness of his body and the calming presence of his being. 

“I love you, Shuhrat,” he whispered softly in the dark then pressed his lips against his shoulder. 

Fuze hummed in response. “I think I love you more,” he mumbled, his voice small and quiet, the tone of him beginning to fall asleep. 

“Can you quantify love?”

A hand reached back to affectionately squeeze his glutes. “Ich liebe dich,” Fuze attempted and laughed. 

“You’re butchering it. Repeat after me…”


	10. Steps Forwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger decides the next step is to come out to his uncle. Fuze opens up about his past and sexuality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience. This chapter is a tad bit chunkier than others but I felt like it was better like this rather than breaking up into two. Now as to the absence for Blitz/Bandit, this is intentional because I've created an outline and I'm planning a seperate fic for them. That doesn't mean they'll disappear from this fic!

It was like discovering the next best thing to sliced bread. Well,  _ trying _ the next best thing, Jäger was very much aware of sex all his adult life but never bothered with it much like other social things. He grew comfortable with his own nakedness and realised the pleasure of the simple skin-to-skin contact. It was a wonder to wake up in the mornings when Fuze was the one up before him and admire how the cool light adorned his body in every way, his rigid and strong muscles flexing as he stretched and once he stood fully he was a Greek statue. He was a work of art. 

Now Jäger wasn’t one to believe in concepts such as soulmates or that people were destined for one another but when he looked towards him, he had a good inkling that he was the one. He was the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and that wasn’t clouded by his bias. They had their quarrels over habits they disliked of each other, calmed down and spoke of their feelings, moved on from it. 

There was the time when Fuze tried to do the chores for him and ruined three sets of expensive bed sheets because of a rogue t-shirt that leaked a horrid red over the green cotton, and Jäger tried not to be upset over it but quickly found it wasn’t possible with himself. He’d overreacted badly and felt horrible for making a fuss over  _ bed sheets _ then apologised to Fuze, recognising he only wanted to do something nice. Then it happened again, and again, until they reached an agreement that Fuze should do anything else other than the laundry.

Then there was the time when Jäger had gotten too close, whether a hand that gently touched his shoulder or an endearing look that lingered for too long, Fuze let his thoughts get the better of him. He never liked pushing him away but he felt he had to for the sake of his own career. It was something they discussed once in a while and they concluded it was simply how it was going to be for now- no looks, no touches, no kisses in the workplace, just a facade of friendship and only that.

Jäger could live with it, he could deal with whatever problems that came to them because he knew the two of them were able to work around it. For a man who disliked yielding and liked things his own way, he was able to make exceptions for Fuze, and Fuze was able to be flexible with his needs too. It was the perfect balance between them that told him they could walk the stretches of life together. 

The low hum of music blared from the speakers of the gym, Jäger was spotting for Fuze during his set of bench presses when his mouth twitched as if to speak and the thought nearly came out before he could even decide. Fuze’s focused gaze moved to him, he was watching him now as he breathed steadily and finished his last rep. The barbell clanked as he raised it back into the rack then he sat up and looked towards Jäger.

“What’s wrong?” He asked and took a sip of water, the bulging muscles in his arms forcing his shirt taut over his body. 

“Nothing,” Jäger told him and saw that it was already mid-June, they had been together for just over six months at this point. “I’ve just been thinking a lot recently,” he then said as they adjusted the weights on the barbell for his sets. “I should tell my uncle. About us… about  _ me _ .”

Fuze raised a brow. “Well, if you feel like it’s the right thing to do then do it,” he said. 

Jäger checked his form then did his first few reps, feeling the strain of his muscles and the burn slowly settle in. Then after some time, Fuze looked down at him. “What about your parents?” 

There was a flash of confusion, then Jäger couldn’t shake the nostalgia that plagued him, memories of classmates questioning why he didn’t have a mother nor a father, why it was always his uncle picking him up, his uncle attending interviews with teachers. He cleared his throat and concentrated on raising the weight, set it carefully on the rack. “I don’t have parents,” he told Fuze, his voice quiet. “It’s just me and my uncle.” 

Fuze’s lips quivered momentarily as he blinked down at him, then parted and he joined the dots. “ _ Oh, _ I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry,” he spoke in a softer tone and studied Jäger’s face as he continued on with his next set, brows set furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line as he strained. “Could I ask what happened?”

“I was uhm… seven? They went out for dinner, so my uncle and his girlfriend at the time were taking care of me,” he continued and paused once more to focus on his final rep, the burn in his muscles almost searing but his thoughts distracted him from the cramping. “A drunk driver hit the car, they went over the hard shoulder and that was it. I don’t remember much other than that.”

As Jäger sat up, Fuze placed a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it. “Do you think he’ll take it well?” He asked, seeming concerned. “I’m sure he loves you but sometimes people can be completely different when you tell them things like this.”

“I think he’ll be fine with it.”

The contact lingered on and Fuze gave him a questioning raise of his brows before he nodded, accepting it despite his inner doubt of Jager’s perspective. The doors of the gym opened and the jovial sound of laughter along with Kapkan’s booming voice invaded the room. Tachanka burst into hearty laughter as they walked in with Glaz trailing not too far behind them. At the sound of his teammates, Fuze shoved his hands into his pockets and forced a smile as they came over, his lips twisted into a strained grin and the muscles of his great shoulders were tensed. Jäger was still sitting and the sight of him acting so strangely had infected him as well, he didn’t know what to do, what was acceptable or not. 

They joked around, the sound of their quick spoken Russian was foreign to him so he floated in the background of the conversation, almost feeling like a child again when all the adults were speaking and all he could do was wait. It was out of instinct for his lips to automatically perk into a slight smile whenever he heard Fuze laugh. His gaze was withdrawn to the floor but when he looked up he noticed Glaz had been staring at him and their eyes met. The looks on his face told him one thing, and that was that Glaz knew. He painfully knew.

Tachanka glanced at Jäger with a smile. “We were just saying that Shuhrat has abandoned us for you!” He said and chuckled. “He hardly talks to us anymore.”

His brain halted and for a good second all Jäger could do was to grin back. “Well, uh…” he stammered, clearly flustered and desperately trying to find a way out of this awkward conversation. 

He didn’t even know how to respond, but Fuze had his back.

“You’re like a clingy girlfriend. Sometimes I just need space,” he quipped back then tapped Jäger on the shoulder, indicating it was time to make a run for it. “We should hit the showers. I’ll catch you guys later?”

Eyes trailed after them as they left. Tachanka began his stretches when the door shut, Kapkan let out a monstrous yawn and Glaz looked between the two of them, studying their nonchalant reactions. His brows furrowed then he placed his hands on his hips and waited until they noticed his disgruntled expression.

“What’s wrong, Timur?” Tachanka asked, feigning his ignorance because he knew exactly what was wrong. They had this discussion many times in the past.

Kapkan interjected before he could open his mouth. “Shuhrat’s not gay. Especially not with Marius out of all the people in the world. The guy barely knows how to socialise,” he said, his tone crass. “If I was stuck in a room with him for six hours, I’d probably die out of boredom.”

“He’s not that bad. Shuhrat knows how to talk to him and they get on well. I mean, look at them,” Glaz told them and for a second Tachanka considered it. “They’re always around each other, they carpool together and we all know Shuhrat has his own car- oh, and the fact that Marius would have to drive an extra few miles to drop him off at his apartment on his way home.”

“Marius is weird like that. If he likes you enough, he’d probably strip down for one of your nude paintings,” Kapkan teased with a sleazy smirk. 

Exasperated, Glaz let out a sigh. “Well, I know Marius likes him. I’m so sure something’s happened recently.”

“It doesn’t mean they’re together,” Kapkan shot back, seeming firm on the idea. “Trust me, I know him and I know for a  _ fact _ that he loves brunettes-“

“Why does it matter?” Tachanka interrupted both of them. “Who Shuhrat likes isn’t our business, and if they are together then good for them. It doesn’t make him a different man than who we know him to be, does it? And if you’re so curious, go ask him.”

 

* * *

 

It’s the minor things that made him happy. Whether if it’s helping him hold a component in place while he screwed it in place, or the act of throwing ideas at one another until something stuck and they ran with it. Jäger found Fuze’s company to be a blessing from God, he couldn’t imagine his life without him. Even if he couldn’t openly show affection towards him in public, being around him was enough. The act of just seeing him and knowing that he was his, it was thrilling and Jäger realised love wasn’t overrated as he used to think it was. 

Bare legs brushed under the duvet covers which were a lush shade of green, the new silk sheets which Fuze bought when they went shopping. Jäger prodded at the keys on his laptop and his eyes glazed over the numbers. A notification popped up and he paused, seeing his Uncle’s name. For a moment he hesitated before he clicked to respond. It was a simple ‘how have you been?’ But with all that was on his mind, speaking with his Uncle was more nerve-wracking than he expected. 

They exchanged a few messages before a video call came through and Jäger promptly answered it. He learned that his Uncle has returned to work after a few months of ‘retirement’ out of sheer boredom. Turned out that fishing wasn’t enough for him, he decided to return and train helicopter mechanics. It seemed over the years that his uncle had aged considerably, it was sobering to see his head of brown hair was now an ashy grey. Time was certainly moving on, even Jäger himself was nearing his forties. 

Then the conversation turned towards him. For a while, he told his uncle about work, tried to elaborate about the projects he was working on but it was clear he wasn’t wanting to talk about that. 

“What’s up?” His uncle asked, his tone lighthearted as always. 

Jäger swallowed thickly then looked towards Fuze who was laying in bed next to him, not captured by the camera on his laptop. The look they exchanged had told Fuze an idea of what was happening, and he reached over to gently squeeze Jäger’s hand in reassurance. Despite the fact he couldn’t understand a lick of German, he knew what was happening.

“I’ve just uhm… I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now, actually. I met someone,” he said and felt his palms slick over with sweat. There was a discomfort in his chest, he dreaded the questions to come. 

His uncle’s face lit up with surprise then he smiled. “Well? Are you going to introduce her to me or just keep her a big mystery? She’s there, isn’t she?” He asked and seemed overjoyed with excitement. 

Jäger’s throat became parched. Instead of saying anything in response, he stared at the image of his uncle on his computer screen, the moving pixels were expecting an answer soon but he couldn’t provide it. There wasn’t a smile on his face. He sat expressionlessly, but his lips were pressed into a thin line and he blinked back blankly, his brain unable to string together a sentence that said ‘I’m dating a man.’ After some time, his uncle joined the dots, having studied his body language.

“Marius… wait- I don’t want to leap to a conclusion-“ he stumbled over his words, visibly confused. Jäger swallowed thickly and felt Fuze rub the back of his hand in a comforting manner. “Are you gay?”

His voice had disappeared along with his smile. He nodded meekly, made a noise indicating yes. The heart within his chest was beating much faster now, his stomach was writhing with anxiety. A lasting silence settled between them and he watched as his uncle spent the minute trying to realise this wasn’t a dream, this was a shocking reality.

“I’m sorry, Thomas. I-“ his voice grew brittle with tears. This was the fear encroaching like the shadow of a storm cloud drowning out sunshine. 

“No, don’t apologise! It just surprised me, that’s all. Don’t get upset, I’m not angry at you or anything, alright?” His uncle quickly said, trying to muster a smile. He gave a gentle chuckle when he saw Jäger nod back. “I mean… wow, I’m just so happy. You’ve never really told me anything like this before, I was beginning to think you were hiding someone from me or you were just happy being by yourself. So, who are you dating? Tell me about him.”

He quickly wiped his tears away and composed himself, just mere inches away from crumbling. Floods of relief and joy overwhelmed him. “His name is Shuhrat. We started dating about seven months ago and he’s moved in with me- we live together now,” he told him and couldn’t help but to wear a proud grin. There were so many things he wanted to say about Fuze but so little time to talk. Germany was an hour ahead of him and he didn’t want to keep his uncle awake for too long. “We work together, he’s a soldier as well.” 

“He doesn’t sound German. Is he?” 

“No. He’s Russian.” The response was met with a raise of the brows, then his uncle hummed for him to continue. “We work on a lot of projects together. He’s really smart, I think you’ll like him a lot.” 

It wasn’t the kind of joyous hail-the-lord happiness that emanated from his uncle, but a calm relief. Love wasn’t the complete end-game for everyone, but it would be a lie to say that he had never feared the idea that Jäger would grow old by himself. Not that there was anything wrong with it, but the companionship of another human being to fill that space made the walk of life much easier. From raising him, he knew Jäger would benefit from someone being by his side. He held up by himself but without a way to let out his feelings, to talk to someone about his stresses, all his thoughts bloated his mind with worry. 

His uncle didn’t know much about Fuze aside from the brief information given, but he trusted that whoever he was, he would treat Jäger with the utmost respect and give him the love he truly deserved. They conversed for some more and by eleven o’clock, it was evident that their time together had come to an end. Both of them were hesitant to say goodbye, but they knew it had to be done. 

“Here, wait- Shuhrat, come say hello- right, here he is.” The camera shifted, bedsheets rustled softly and another man came into view. Dark hair, brushed back, his complexion was slightly darker than Jäger’s but he was still fair. A thick beard hugged his face, trimmed and groomed neatly. He smiled towards the camera and gave a nod, his hand reaching up to wave. In response, Jäger’s uncle waved back. “Lay off the beer, you hear me?”

His laughter was always infectious. “I can’t make any promises, but I’ll try,” he said. “Time for me to go to bed, I guess. I love you, kiddo.”

It had been years since he had been called that name but it never failed to put a smile on his face. “Love you too. Sleep well.” 

When the laptop screen fell dark, Jäger blinked back at it for a couple of seconds before he closed it over. A palm caressed his cheek then Fuze pulled him in to press a kiss, humming softly as he did so. Jäger smiled against him and put the laptop onto the bedside table then leaned in to feel more of his touch. They settled down in bed and closed the lights, letting only the dim blade of warm yellow from the hallway illuminate the room. Facing one another, he could make out Fuze’s eyes.

“I’m happy for you,” he murmured, his voice soft and hushed, the words smoothed by his accent.

* * *

 

It was always tempting to find the same liberation, the transparency of coming out and finally letting himself breathe. Smoke would say, telling people who thought otherwise to sod off and taking life by the reins. It was too late to keep everything a secret, life was definitely too short to be unhappy, especially with the stakes of Fuze’s career. It looked so easy to do but when it came to it, he couldn’t even dare to form the words in his head. It just wasn’t possible for him. 

Part of him was oddly jealous of how smooth life seemed for Jäger. Of course, he was glad it was this way, nothing would crush him more if Jäger’s only family member had pushed him away. Fuze’s world was different. There were different rules and boundaries, dogma that one should not disappoint or dishonour the family. To come out and confess that he had always loved men would be a massive shock- even worse, a blow to his own family. He knew them well enough to envision the outrage, his father furious that somewhere went wrong during his strict upbringing, and his mother devastated that her last son whom she nurtured and loved so much could not bear her the gift of more grandchildren. 

Guilt wracked his heart like a disease. There was a powerful desire to be free and the isolation made it all the worse. He found solace in being able to go home, lay down next to Jäger and hold him close but that wasn’t enough. He wanted to share his happiness with others but how he had been moulded as a person meant it wasn’t possible within himself to express it. 

They had been working on a new prototype of Blitz’s shield together. One which was lighter, yet brighter. They sacrificed the cooldown time between each flash and decided it would be best to test its effectiveness within the simulations. He noticed that Jäger took a fondness towards helping him. He didn’t mind the extra hands either, or the fact that both of them were much closer and he could admire his concentrated expression while they worked. 

Today he glanced towards him and a forlorn ache settled in the pit of his chest. Jäger caught his averted gaze and cleared his throat, knowing what it was about. 

“You could always tell your brother first, can’t you?” He suggested, breaking the silence between them. 

Fuze put down the screwdriver and inhaled deeply, then sighed it out and shook his head. 

“Why not?” Jäger then asked, his brows furrowed and he seemed to be studying Fuze’s expression harder than he was paying attention to the assembly of the prototype. 

There was another lasting pause between them where Fuze appeared to be thinking, but Jäger second-guessed himself and wondered if he was beginning to get annoyed, if there was something he wasn’t quite understanding. He continued to watch him as he held the battery in place to be secured into the chassis. 

“It’s not that simple. I mean, I’ve already explained it to you. And out of everyone I want to lose first, I don’t want Aziz to be it,” he said. “You know Rami won’t take it well either.”

The answer didn’t please Jäger. He cleared his throat. “So, you’re scared of his reaction?” Seeing that Fuze was struggling with it, he took the frame and secured it in place, then reached for the set of screwdrivers. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. You won’t ever know if you don’t try.”

“Marius, I don’t think you understand,” Fuze mumbled and frowned. “I don’t think you understand at all.”

Putting his hands on his hips, Jäger took it as a challenge. “Then explain it to me.”

They danced around this topic in the past, but never took the time to talk about it in depth. Fuze didn’t have the energy to do so, and he wasn’t sure talking about it at work would be such a good idea. He held his breath steady and felt his patience waver. “It’s a risk I’m not willing to take. I don’t want to lose my family. This isn’t like I forgot to send a gift for my mother’s birthday or that I didn’t call often enough. This is… to them, it’s like they failed to raise me and I still think you don’t understand that.” 

“People can change. Maybe they’ll be okay with it.”

He continued to watch Jäger, how his expression seemed so absent as he continued to tinker with the shield. A wave of frustration ran down his back and he drummed his fingers against the edge of the table. “They won’t,” he said and his tone was sharp enough to make Jäger stop. “You’re not taking this serious enough, alright? This is my  _ family.  _ My dad, my mum, my brothers, everyone! Maybe it’s because you don’t have  _ anyone _ to lose, but I need you to get that my stakes are much higher and I’ve got too much on the line.”

A horrific silence settled between the two of them. Jäger was pale with shock at his sudden outburst. It wasn’t like him to shout, nor take such an aggressive jab at him that almost physically hurt. The sound was kept within the confines of the workshop. His hands were planted on the table, he slowly put down the screwdriver in his hand and his eyes were trained on him, unable to look elsewhere. 

“You have no idea… no clear idea how it feels to know that if it all goes south, you’re going to lose everyone you ever loved. Your uncle loves you, he accepts you for who you are. You haven’t lost anyone, you’re not at risk of losing anyone else because you don’t… you…” Fuze fell flat, realising the words that were coming out of his mouth and his lips pressed together into a thin line of remorse. 

“I don’t have a family, yeah,” Jäger finished his sentence, his voice small and brittle but his face didn’t show a single ounce of emotion. His shoulders rose as he took in a deep breath through his nose then the crease between his brows eased and his eyes flicked away. “You know what? I can finish up here, I’ll get Elias to test this. Go get some coffee and fresh air. I think you need it.”

The first reflex was to apologise, but Fuze took his advice and figured he needed some space to calm down. He nodded and left the workshop without another word. The second he stepped out he didn’t know how to face Jäger again, knowing he’d said something that certainly hit a sore spot. It didn’t even occur to him how he could lash out like that and he knew it wasn’t like himself. 

All kinds of thoughts were storming his mind. He entered the break room and spotted IQ by the kettle, waiting for the water to boil. She eyed him as he plucked up a cup and put a spoonful of instant coffee. He fumbled with the cap and found there was uncanny energy built up in his body, tensing his jaw and making his movements rougher than usual. 

It didn’t take long for her to notice his strange mood- and the fact that he was in the break room to get coffee instead of using the facilities in the workshop. She poured in some water into his cup then cleared her throat.

“Why the long face?” She asked as she smoothed out the wrinkles on her shirt, the cucumber green that she often wore to the gym. “Argument?”

The steam brought the comforting aroma of coffee to his nose. He hummed under his breath and palmed the hot mug. “Yeah, except it was my bad- actually a mix of both but it doesn’t matter. I said some stuff that I shouldn’t have. I can’t tell if he’s really upset about it or not, he was really… calm about it. Calmer than usual when we argue about things.” He was antsy all over and reached for the packet of digestives sitting on the counter. Chocolate always helped. 

She offered a sympathetic look as he scarfed down the biscuit. “How did that come about?”

“I lost my patience. I snapped at him and said something really personal. He just took it, hardly even reacted and told me to go get coffee.” It was hard to sound as if everything was okay. Inside his head, all kinds of alarms were blaring telling him he had made terrible choices today, but his outer expression showed furrowed brows, a deep set frown and clenched jaw.

For a moment, IQ looked surprised then she chuckled in amusement. “You’d know if he was upset. He makes it obvious, that drama queen… he has a tendency to be a bit obtuse about things, I’m sure you know, but he can be self-aware too. He knows when he’s messed up, admitting it is just another thing for him. Maybe he knows whatever made you lose your patience was his bad too.” She leaned against the counter and gave him a gentle smile. “You look stressed, Shuhrat.”

A grin broke his serious demeanour, he managed a chuckle. “There’s been a lot on my plate,” he simply said and left it there. 

IQ gave his shoulder a firm squeeze. “It’ll be alright, I’m sure of it,” she said. While she didn’t know the ins and outs of whatever was bothering him, her word was comforting. That was the thing with Rainbow. Many of the operators weren’t close friends but they were a massive family. Everyone looked out for one another and they weren’t afraid to show it.

For the rest of the day, he found a spare computer to work at and laid low. On delivering a report to Thatcher, he passed the workshop and saw Jäger, Blitz and Bandit in the testing chambers. They were wearing eye protection and trialling the shield. The three of them were tight, it wasn’t rare to see the three of them smirking like idiots when they were around one another. Even Jäger liked to observe in their antics when they were alone, despite the fact that he always regarded himself too superior to take part in the famous prank wars. It was relieving to see him smile, perhaps it meant what he said didn’t completely crush his soul into a million, irrecoverable pieces.

As the evening crept closer, he couldn’t avoid him all day. He slipped into the workshop at five. As normal, Smoke was whining for Mute to hurry up his work so they could leave. He passed by them after giving them a nod and approached Jäger’s desk where he sat, about to log off. Jäger addressed him by cocking a brow then he slipped his coat on and did a quick pat down to locate his keys. He led the way and started up the car. 

At a red light, he reached towards the radio and turned the knob. The hum of music grew louder and filled the silence. Aside from that, nothing else seemed out of place. Jäger continued to mutter curse words in his mother tongue under his breath at horrendous drivers, tapped his fingers on the steering wheel along to the click of the signal lights and had one hand planted on the wheel, the other on the gearstick. 

They spoke a little, but nothing of value. The usual ‘what do you want for dinner?’ And ‘I’ll be in the garage if you need me.’ Fuze got to preparing dinner for the both of them and tried to distract himself with anything other than the fact that Jäger was purposely avoiding him and behaving in an awkward manner. It felt as if they had just become colleagues again, no longer boyfriends. And Fuze was wound tight. He never handled it well when people urged him to come out, and with what had happened he felt even worse about it all.

He watched as Jäger emerged from the bathroom, hair wet and smelling of shampoo. The bed sunk as he sat down and he cleared his throat, about to speak.

“I… you were right, I wasn’t taking it serious enough. I was treating it like it was something menial and it means much more to you, doesn’t it?” Their eyes met only for a moment before Jäger looked away. He was never great at sentimental conversations. “I think I owe you an apology.”

Fuze reached out to touch his hand. “I’m sorry too,” he mumbled back, his brows furrowing upwards as he studied his expression. “What I said earlier was pretty fucked up.”

“But what you said was still right, I’ve never had a family, it’s why I don’t understand why you’re scared to lose them, I guess. And I’m used to it. Over time you get desensitised to that kind of stuff.” Jäger shifted closer on the bed and laid down on his side, his arm draping over Fuze’s midsection. There was a glint of reverence in his eyes. “Whatever happens, if you tell your family or not, I’ll always be here for you, okay? I love you.”

The sensation of his warm body pressed against him was comforting. He shifted to face Jäger and nuzzled his face against his chest, eyes falling shut when fingers carded gently through his hair. “I’m going to try. I’ve thought about it. It isn’t easy keeping it a secret,” he said. “And I love you too, Marius. I know I can be distant sometimes and I push you away but I want you to know you mean so much to me.”

There was a hitch in Jäger’s breath then he hummed softly. 

“I’ve never been in many relationships in my life. Only a few, and none of them were ever easy. We always had to keep it down low, we couldn’t risk getting caught and it was hard. I’ve had him leave for a woman, then my second boyfriend cheated on me, my third couldn’t handle the distance,” Fuze told him, his voice tender and soft. His body radiated warmth in his hands and despite his great muscles, he seemed so contained within Jäger’s arms, fitting so perfectly. “I thought he was the one. I’d stay up to call him, I tried to visit him whenever I could and I even offered to help him move here but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to be tied down in a foreign country, he wanted his own life too and I guess our paths were going in opposite directions.”

Fingers traced the light scars on his arms and followed the stream of veins up then back down. “That was who you were calling all the time back then, hm? He used to call you every lunch,” Jäger recalled, realising it must’ve been a detail that clung on in his subconscious. “I can tell you really loved him.”

“Yeah. I loved him a lot, and I think he did just as much but what we wanted to do with our lives meant it just wasn’t possible. It broke me when we split up and I was crushed. Then you came along. You helped distract me from the pain of losing him, and then soon enough I was over him and I’d fallen too deep for you.” A smile lit up Fuze’s expression and Jäger returned it, all the emotions bubbling in his body into a concoction of joy. “I’m so glad you’re here. You make me so damn happy and I love you to the moon and back.”

His entire body felt hot with embarrassment but he didn’t squirm away but basked in this heat. “Well, if we’re going to get sappy,” he said with a chuckle and pecked him in the forehead. “You’re the first person I’ve ever been in a relationship with. I mean, saying that sounds really weird, but there’s no one else I’d rather be with. I used to think I didn’t need love, or that being in a relationship was a waste of time but being with you made me realise how  _ fucking _ good it feels.”

“I’m honoured you chose me then,” Fuze murmured and his cheek-to-cheek smile settled for a gentle curve, corners fleeting upwards and the warm brown of his eyes seemed to glimmer under the dim lights of the bedroom. He leaned up and captured Jäger’s lips into a deep kiss and caught the hint of peppermint toothpaste on his tongue. His arms moved to wrap around him then he shifted, the bed squeaked quietly under the weight of their bodies and he leaned against him. Instinctively, Jäger let his legs wrap around Fuze’s waist, and he looked up at him with a languid smirk, having a good idea what was to happen next. Fuze’s palm rested on his cheek and caressed his patchy stubble in an affectionate way as he admired Jäger’s features from his straight, sharp nose to the sandy colour of his hair, sprawled against the pillow. 

 

* * *

 

Things seemed alright now. For a while, Fuze felt guilty for what he had said but Jäger assured him everything was alright. Soon enough, they were two peas in a pod, talking and laughing away in the workshop. What happened during the evening set them in a good mood for the following morning. Without realising, Fuze was beginning to warm up to him again and his affections came too naturally for him, bypassing all the cautions he used to take. 

It wasn’t until training did reality come back to him. They were running simulations, practising drills with recruits and going over manoeuvres to ensure they could do it all seamlessly. Coordinating a timed breach with a synergy between candelas, an EE-ONE-D scan and his cluster charge then having a group of recruits lead the siege was a drab after doing it for the tenth time. Next to him, Glaz fiddled with his beanie then nudged him with his elbow.

“Pub tonight?” He asked and his tone was playful. “We haven’t had you in weeks. What d’you say? Drinks are on Maxim.”

The English air had a biting edge to it but it was nothing as ferocious as the weather back home. However, it sure did make Fuze crave a hearty pint of porter. He hummed and his lips pressed into a thin line as he considered. “Yeah, alright,” he then agreed and looked back to see that Glaz had been eyeing him, specifically his neck. Was there a mark left behind? He awkwardly adjusted the collar of his Gorka and cleared his throat. 

Prompted to stop ogling, Glaz tore his gaze away and looked towards Thatcher in the distance who was barking a few commands at recruits. The blow of a whistle queued for them to ready to run another drill, so Fuze slipped his helmet back on and Glaz pulled his mask over the lower of his face.

When it came to making plans to go out, it was rare that Fuze didn’t go somewhere without Jäger. Ever since they started dating they were stuck together as if there were invisible handcuffs binding them to one another. However, with how he acted around the rest of the Russians, Fuze figured he’d appreciate being at home rather than being stuck around a bunch of  _ hooligans _ as Kapkan liked to affectionately refer to themselves. It wasn’t as if neither of them would die from being separated for a few hours.

It would still make sense to at least let him know, but when Fuze entered the workshop he saw that he was working closely with Mute and Echo on some kind of drone project. He had always been great with mechanics, it was no surprise that even the brightest of minds at Rainbow would consult him for some advice and seeing as he was so engrossed in their conversation, Fuze decided he would wait till later.

They didn’t catch one another until the afternoon for lunch. Fuze brought a cup of coffee to his desk and drifted behind, eyeing his monitor to catch complicated schematics. Absorbed, Jäger didn’t even notice him sliding the cup onto the edge of his desk.

“I’m going to the pub later, by the way,” he mentioned casually then reached to fix Jäger’s hoodie which had been bunched up. At first, Jäger squirmed, shoulders nearly rising to his ears at the unexpected contact then he relaxed and glanced up at him, a smile appearing at his face when he spotted the cup. “Think you could give me a lift?”

“Yeah, sure.” Jäger turned his gaze back to the monitor and took a long sip of his coffee. “Who’s gonna be there?” 

Hands stuffed into his pockets, he leaned against the desk and gave a hum. “Just the guys. Apparently, Maxim is buying drinks and I haven’t hung out with them in a while so… but what’s weird is that when I was at training, when Timur asked me if I wanted to come, he kept staring at my neck. Is there something there?” He raised a brow in concern.

Jäger wheeled his head around. “Uh, yeah. It’s small though, you wouldn’t notice unless I pointed it out. It’s not that bad,” he said, teeth digging into his lip when he recalled what happened last night. While the small love bite wasn’t exactly faint, to him it wasn’t obvious even if the colour was quite stark against his neck. In their quiet interaction, Fuze looped his finger around Jäger’s then gave him a small grin. From where they sat near the back of the workshop, and the privacy cover at Jäger’s desk, it provided ample shade from attention. “Tell me when you need a lift and don’t get too drunk.”

Fuze made a snorting noise. “Drunk?” He mused in an incredulous tone. “Hardly ever. But do you think Timur knows?”

Jäger swallowed down his mouthful of coffee, almost choking on it but he played it off coolly. “Uh, no. Course not. Why would he?”

 

* * *

 

It was nice being back with the squad, shooting the shit and relaxing with a nice pint. It wasn’t to say that he couldn’t do it with Jäger, but being around people who spoke the same language as he did was a breath of fresh air. If he were to count the number of frustrating times where he could not think of a word in English and had to play an annoying game of charades, he’d have to grow ten more hands. 

They were settled around a table at the back and from where Fuze sat, he could see across the pub. Next to him situated Kapkan and he had his eyes scanning, prowling for interesting women. However, when Tachanka was around, it was impossible to be distracted. He had a knack for keeping a conversation going and even made Fuze more talkative than usual.

As Glaz went to get more drinks, Kapkan nudged Fuze with his elbow. “Ten o’clock. What do you think?” He asked, his voice hushed and a smirk on his face. Tachanka shook his head at him on a chiding manner but wore a laidback smile. 

By the bar, there was a woman sitting with her group of friends. Her hair was long, brown and cascaded down her back. Fuze raised a brow when he saw her face. She wasn’t ugly at all, definitely considered attractive in his books but the problem was, he wasn’t attracted to women at all. He hummed and made a face. Glaz returned with the pints and furrowed his brows, then followed his gaze to the woman, his head swivelling around. She caught them. It wasn’t as if there were four men awkwardly glancing at her.

“Could you be any less obvious, Timur?” Kapkan asked with a snort and averted his eyes to his pint. “But dude, she’s cute, isn’t she? Perfect for you.”

Fuze was getting hot all over and he knew there was probably a blush creeping onto his face. “I don’t know, man,” he mumbled and it only spurred him on. Kapkan laughed and nudged him again. “You don’t have to-“

“I’ll get you her number, I promise you. Don’t underestimate me,” he said, cocky as always. “After this, you come with me, yeah? Hurry up and finish your drink.”

It wasn’t a choice at this point despite Fuze making it seem clear he didn’t want to go up to her. What made it worse was that she knew they were all staring. He tried to drink slowly but Kapkan was urging him, egging him on and the second he swallowed the last droplet of beer in his pint, Kapkan dragged him to the bar. They spoke for a bit, Fuze was forced to be polite and exchanged a few words. His insides were writhing with discomfort and he wanted to escape back to his table but he didn’t want to be rude, so he made conversation and learned her name was Hannah. From how she smiled at him and was receptive to their approach, she was interested. When she slipped him his number, he knew it was true.

As they returned to their table, Kapkan was glowing with triumph, while Glaz and Tachanka looked on, smiles on their faces as if they knew something that he didn’t. Fuze unfurled the small piece of paper, looked at the numbers then scrunched it up in his hand and left the ball on the table. He chuckled under his breath and shook his head at Kapkan, entertained by his mock-offended look.

“I said you didn’t have to. You did it anyway,” Fuze said and sipped at his beer. “I’m not into her.”

Kapkan narrowed his eyes. “Jeez, I pick up girls for you all the time and you ditch ‘em. If you didn’t, I bet you’d be married by now, maybe with a family too,” he joked but his eyes were trained on him, intense and calculating. “It’s almost as if you’re not into girls at all. Is… is that what’s the problem? Got something to tell us?”

There was a lasting pause between them. Fuze stared back at him then drank from his glass, swallowed thickly and cleared his throat. “Just because I don’t have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m gay,” he said, his voice calm but in his head, he was going wild with anxiety. 

“Having a boyfriend makes you pretty gay,” Kapkan shot back, his grin was provoking. 

“What are you playing at?” Fuze questioned, feeling his walls building back up and he was growing cold with hostility. 

Kapkan put his hands up to show he meant no harm. “Jesus, no need to get offended. You see, Timur here thinks you have a, uh… an  _ intense _ sexual relationship with,” he spoke in a clinical manner that made it seem all the weirder. “With that friend of yours in the workshop. Streicher, isn’t it? Yeah, he thinks you two are boning.”

“Intense sexual relationship? Are you writing a transcript?” Glaz broke in with a lighthearted chuckle. “But hey, it’s not my business. I don’t care what you’re into.”

“You’re so fake, you know that?” Kapkan shot him a look then turned back to Fuze. “Literally the other day he was talking about you like he had some conspiracy theory,” he told him. “He thinks you’re gay.”

In his defence, Glaz quickly jumped back in. “I have my reasons! Two guys, both able to afford their own houses, decide to move in together, hang out all the time and don’t talk to girls? I was just thinking- look, Shuhrat, don’t take this offensively. It was just speculation-“

“How the hell do you know we live together?”

“See? Well, when you went to administration, I overheard you checking if they updated your address and I might have done a little digging,” he confessed and looked sheepish the more Fuze stared at him. “I went to Grace and she found out Marius also lives there. I joined the dots. Look, I’m sorry because it’s really creepy to dig into private stuff like that but I was curious.”

In complete disbelief, Fuze gawked at the two of them then turned to Tachanka who shrugged back. His mouth was agape, eyes squinted and brows furrowed as if he was ready to go ballistic.

Kapkan pursed his lips and sipped at his beer. “So, what’s the verdict?”

“I…” there were too many things happening at once, so many thoughts that had him panicking. Fuze didn’t know what to say or do, but he knew there was no room for hiding and denying it would just be lying to their faces. He took in a deep breath and maintained his composure. “Right, fine. Marius and I are dating, I,” it was hard to say, the words were caught in his throat. “I’m gay. There. Happy?”

The silence that followed didn’t help. Then Kapkan let out a sigh, reached into his pocket for his wallet and pulled out twenty quid. He slid the bill across the table to Glaz who cordially accepted it with a smile and pocketed it. 

Tachanka’s mouth twitched and he looked at Fuze, trying to find the right words when he noticed how exposed he looked, face sullen with worry. “Shuhrat, we know- Timur and I know this isn’t an easy subject for you.” His eyes flicked to Kapkan and he gave him a look. “But I want to make it clear that learning about this won’t change how we view you. You’re still part of our unit, and we are very happy for you.”

An odd feeling stirred in his chest and Fuze wasn’t sure if it was happiness or not. It was the same pain that bloomed when one was about to cry, but he wasn’t upset at all. He mustered a shaky smile. “Thanks, guys.”

Inpatient and unaffected by the sentimentality, Kapkan made a crude expression. “So, like, have you ever thought about fucking me? What about Timur?”


	11. In the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger's fears are confirmed after a mission goes awry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes a darker turn, please be warned of scenes with violence/combat. Thank you all for your feedback and your patience. It means a lot to me to see people leaving kudos and comments! I hope to get the next chapter out within the coming weeks, as long as I'm not too swamped by my exams. If you want to speak to me, feel free to drop a message on my tumblr: texan-dynamite

The lights of the conference room were dimmed so the projection onto the screen showed clearly. As Harry could not be there, Thatcher had the liberty of starting the mission briefing and had a slideshow of building schematics to show them, Manila files with the copies of the map and all kinds of information. The mission would take place in Russia, a raid on a suspected base for the White Masks. The Russian and German CTUs were selected for this, and Jäger wasn’t quite sure how he felt doing a mission alongside Fuze. 

They passed the files amongst themselves and as they were told to draw their eyes to the first page, the door spilled open. Bandit and Blitz entered the room, the both of them out of breath and flustered. Thatcher had stopped speaking and stared at them, somewhat disgruntled but more surprised at the sudden entry. Then the more he stared, it seemed his face began to contort in disgust, soon he was nearly sneering at them as they shuffled to their seats.

“It’s nice of you two to join us,” he said, eyes tracking Bandit as he waltzed in and sat down next to Jäger.

“Sorry, we lost track of time,” Blitz mumbled sheepishly and quickly sat down. 

“Lost track of time having sex in god knows where? One, your fly is down, Dom. Two, Elias your shirt is inside out. Three, I should report the two of you for inappropriate behaviour!” Thatcher’s voice was almost booming, the might of an angry British man who hadn’t had his morning tea. There was a silence amongst them. Jäger’s eyes met Fuze’s across the table and they grinned at one another, faces tilted downwards in fear of Thatcher’s fury. “Right, as I was  _ fookin’ _ saying before these two degenerates walked in, take a look at the first page…”

They had two weeks of preparation, then one week to stay in Russia. Of course the mission itself was top priority but with the chance to return home to see family again, the Russians were making plans and scheduling tickets for a ride home. Fuze was anxious. The part of going home wasn’t troubling, but his desire to bring Jäger with him to meet his parents. 

Since his teammates found out of his sexuality, he made his own personal progress. It wasn’t easy but he told his older brother of his relationship and was relieved to be met with pleasant surprise rather than disgust as he had feared. It was a step forward, something he would have never dreamed of doing when he was younger. As to the topic of introducing Jäger to his family, it was a sensitive subject but his brother agreed he would talk to their parents about it so it wouldn’t be a complete surprise. In addition to this, he was sure his brother had his back. He always did.

Jäger was just as nervous as he was when they spoke about it.

“What if they don’t like me?” He mumbled as he did the dishes, passing a wet plate to Fuze who was ready to dry it. “You know I can be a bit… weird. What if they think I’m not good enough for you?”

Fuze chuckled softly. “It doesn’t matter because you are good enough for me,” he assured him. After a couple seconds he cleared his throat and laid out the towel to air dry. “Got everything packed?”

Jäger nodded, taking off his rubber gloves. “Yeah. You’re talking to Marius Streicher, I never leave anything last minute… unlike you.” He gave a cheeky grin.

“Give me a hand?” Fuze asked, his tone playful. “Or what I meant to say, come sit with me while I pack my bags? I’d appreciate the company.”

For a second he was reluctant, but seeing the time and the fact that he had nothing else to do, he caved and followed him upstairs. 

Missions were never quite an issue for Jäger. Most of the time, it went smoothly and it felt like a strange business trip. However, this time he was buzzing with a nervous energy. He hadn’t ever been on many missions with Fuze before. They’ve went through countless training drills, did all kinds of simulations but he couldn’t recall any instances where they were on field together, at risk of dying with live rounds whizzing past their faces.

He tried not to think about it, but it was hard when they were sitting next to one another on the plane, having conversations. Just looking at him reminded Jäger that their stakes were high. He knew how quick death could be, he’d seen it countless of times and he could easily recall how the body would seize up and fall.

The barracks they were staying at were frigid, rooms were like jail cells and there were only two beds per room. Beforehand, Fuze had quietly taken Tachanka to the side and asked if it would be possible for him to snag a room for himself and Jäger, to which Tachanka responded with a small nod and made him promise he wouldn’t hear any strange noises from their room. So they settled down with their duffel bags the night before the mission, blinked down at their feet with their cold hands stuffed into their pockets. 

For a while they made small talk, unpacked their things then Fuze caught on that something was off. He sat down next to him on his bed and put a hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently. 

“You’ve been quiet all day,” he commented and nuzzled his face close to his neck, lips brushing against his skin. “Talk to me, Marius. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Momentarily, Jäger looked conflicted then he relaxed and put his arms around Fuze to hold him close, take in his scent. “I don’t know, I just feel nervous.” The warmth created from their bodies pressed close together brought him another wave of comfort. He sank deeper against the darkness of his hair, fingers curling into his jacket as he huffed out a quiet sigh. 

Fuze pulled away and palmed his cheek, giving him a smile. “Nothing will happen,” he said firmly and looked him steadily in the eye. It was impossible for Jäger to think this way, he responded with a furrow of the brows and doubt painted over his face. “It’ll just be like any other mission. You’ve done this like a million times, it’ll be a cake walk. Just pretend I’m not here!”

A grin broke his serious expression then Jäger looked away. “I guess when you’re around I’m more aware of what I can lose, hm?” He mused. “And I don’t want to lose you, Shuhrat. You mean so much to me.”

During the silence that followed them he grew aware of his sentimentality and felt his cheeks flaring hot. He was never used to this kind of talk, never accustomed to speaking with such sincerity and tenderness towards someone else that the emotions felt foreign. Tentatively, he looked over at Fuze once more to catch that he had been staring back the entire time. “Hey, promise me you won’t blow me up. And don’t blow yourself up,” he joked.

Fuze leaned in to press a kiss on his scruffy cheek where his stubble was beginning to come in thick. “I promise.”

 

* * *

  
  


It was before daybreak when they rose and tugged on their uniform. Straps tightened, pockets secured and harnesses were fixed in place. Jäger helped Fuze with his harness then allowed his hands to remain planted on his waist. He studied the camouflage print of their matching uniforms and glazed his eyes over the small patch that detailed his blood type, the tiny Russian flag on his sleeve then he looked up to meet Fuze’s eyes blinking back. He took in a deep breath and within that second he made the decision that felt right. Leaning in, he pressed his lips against Fuze’s and kissed him hard. The scratch of his beard, his lips moving in response, the crinkle of their jackets as they grasped for one another. Not a word was said, they knew precisely what they were thinking of one another.

A knock on the door tore them apart. They stepped away from each other, the draft from the cracked window and absence of warmth reminded Jäger of what life could be like without him. His chest grew tight at the thought. They exchanged glances then Fuze nodded at him, signalling it was time to go. 

The helicopters were ready and waiting. Everyone went over their loadouts once more and made sure things were in place. IQ took the lead of going over their plan of action, repeating what was once said but making sure everyone was refreshed on what to do. It was a high stakes operation, essentially, a base with sighted drugs labs, rumours of potential stolen weapons caches, a biohazard container within its depths. Needless to say, the place was a bomb waiting to explode and they needed to secure the container before the terrorists could potentially use it.

Communications remained quiet for the rest of the journey. When they neared their drop off zone, they slipped their helmets on and braced themselves for the carnage ahead. Limbs grew nimble with adrenaline, muscles tensed in preparation as their hearts beat harder in their chests. Some droned ahead, called out the position of their enemies and the recruits carried out their instructions just as they did through their rigorous training. They pushed, pulled back, outsmarted their enemies. 

The German unit stuck together tight as a team. Blitz pursued the terrorists aggressively with Bandit providing support not far behind. With a group of recruits watching their flank, they came to a room with towering shelves of various drugs. Milky yellow powder, vacuum-formed into neat bricks were stacked. The lights had failed moments earlier when a cluster charge destroyed the generators at the southern end of the buildings, leaving the fluorescent tubes to flicker. Blitz continued to advance down the room, his shield protecting him then he halted in front of a closed door. It would lead to a large laboratory, lined with glass walls, documentation regarding synthesis of certain formulas. 

It was a shame to see it all destroyed but the intel would not be lost. Dokkaebi weaselled into their systems without triggering any suspicions, gained access to emails, photographs and documents that could be pivotal to their battle against terrorism. 

Once both teams were in position, they began their assault. Recruits on the windows hot breached in as they kicked down the door. The noise was disorientating, a deafening blare of gunfire and explosions. Multiple clusters popped as they pinged across the room, a risky maneuver but one which was calculated. If they did as they were told, no one would get hurt- no ally would, anyways. It ratted out anyone that was hiding, and with nowhere to go, they fought back. 

Jäger ducked behind a fallen desk for concealment as he reloaded his rifle, brows furrowed and his jaw clenched tight. He never feared injury or death. It was always the noise, from deep rumbling explosions coming from other rooms in the building to the quick, rapid-fire stutter of Bandit’s gun. The vibrations that thrummed deep down to the bone, crowding him like swarms of bees and he could hardly breathe, overwhelmed. But he pulled through. Motions became automated, he returned fire and followed his instincts that screamed for him to survive.

There was commotion on the communications, things were going awry. Tachanka announced that the second floor was clear, all hostiles were taken care off and they were to rendezvous by the stairwells to the lower levels. Once they had confirmed ground floor was secure, IQ gave the signal that they were ready. 

Blitz led the way. Recruits droned ahead of them and gave them valuable information, warnings of gunmen nestled in the offices and hiding among the furniture. Eventually two teams branched off again to cover more ground, supported by their squadrons of recruits. 

“This place is ready to blow,” IQ muttered, scanning the perimeter and watching her Spectre light up like it was Christmas Day. “Watch your step, tripwires everywhere.”

A quick shot from her pistol disarmed the traps, but they kept an eye out and checked every doorway before passing. The traps used within training and the simulations hurt enough, Jäger didn’t want to know what kind of damage it could do if it detonated. With the darkness that surrounded them, it was difficult to make out shapes in the darkness.

“Our three o’clock, bomber twenty metres away. The room ahead is rigged with nitro cells, let me clear the way.”

“Would be convenient if Baker was here,” Bandit commented as he aimed his sights to watch their flank, wary of the pitch blackness that was barely pierced by the beams of their flashlights.

“I’m surprised Harry didn’t have the British come, we are hardly equipped for this- the intel must’ve been incorrect,” Blitz said, his voice cracking softly through their earpieces. “Be ready for anything.”

Jäger recognised the structure of this floor from the maps they were given, but being hardly able to make out the walls he passed by, he was more lost than ever. They readied a breach charge onto a door to the supposed cache of weapons. The explosion rippled through the foundations of the building. Blitz charged in and flashed his shield at a group of hostiles, the blinding light like a crack of lightning and his shield whined as it recharged. 

There was a clamour of panicked shouting, then a thunderous explosion.

Flinched and ducked behind cover, Jäger groaned at the ache in his head and tried to shake off the high-pitched squeal. He blinked several times and saw a White Mask. Without hesitating, he aimed down his sites and shot the man down, unknowingly saving his own teammates. 

Blitz’s shield had absorbed most of the impact from the nitro cell, but he was still dazed. As he came back to his senses, his eyes widened. His shield fell with a clatter, he dashed to Bandit’s side and scooped his limp body into his hands. For a second, IQ let her guard down then she turned to watch the doorways, her entire body tensed with fear. She called for a medic down the communications and requested support. 

There was blood pooling from Bandit’s head from a large gash. Jäger’s stomach tightened at the sight of his body so fluid within Blitz’s embrace, then his muscles stiffened and he stirred in his consciousness, groaning and mumbling as he did so. They unpacked the medic kit and tried their best to patch him up, but with all the training they had done, Jäger never expected to face a head injury this severe.

“Can you hear me? Dominic, say something!” He commanded over the noise. He pulled more gauzes from the tiny kit and gave them to Blitz who tried to staunch most of the bleeding, but it was no use. “We need a medic, get him out of here,” he said and looked towards Blitz who steeled his expression, trying to be composed and collected while his hands trembled and his breaths were barely gasps. “Go!”

The Russians arrived in time to provide support, having cleared their sector. Kapkan assisted in evacuating Bandit, so they pushed on. From memory, they were nearing the room where the biohazard container was located. All they needed to do was take out any hostiles, ensure the area was clear and secure then await assistance. They set up breach charges on different walls, ready to storm the room. On count, they detonated them at the same time and made a coordinated rush, overwhelming the enemy with crashing gunfire. 

From flashbangs to smoke grenades, the dark stock room was a treacherous battlefield. It was pitch black. The beam from his flashlight only made him feel more vulnerable as he stepped down an aisle, scoping for anyone lurking. His gloved hands tightened its grip around his carbine and he heaved in a steady breath through his balaclava.

“We’ve got your six, Jäger,” Fuze spoke into the communications. It was odd to hear his callsign, but it didn’t linger on his mind for long. 

There was movement in the darkness. He saw the flutter of cloth between the racks. Any moment now, they could leap out at him. He knew for sure they could see the light from his torch and he did not like the odds of being ambushed, even if he had hefty protective equipment on. The second he reached the end of the row, he heard heavy footfalls. His finger moved to press the trigger but the fist struck him hard, knocking his rifle away and the bullets sprayed onto the shelves, piercing bricks of white powder. 

He had been hit many times in past sparring sessions, it wasn’t hard to recover from the blow. White clouded his vision but he grappled his attacker and threw him down against the shelf which wobbled on its metal feet. The terrorist didn’t put up a fight, the second Jäger managed to sink his blade into his throat, he was dead. It was a quick maneuver which Kapkan taught him a while back, a trick he could never forget. 

Bullets sprayed overhead. Fuze caught someone in his sights and put them down with his AK. He reloaded his gun and the empty magazine fell with a clatter. He reached down to help Jäger to his feet then signalled for them to keep clearing the western sector of the stockroom while Tachanka and IQ held the east with their recruits.

Echoes of explosions rang out. Jäger forced himself not to dwell on it, he had to focus on the task at hand. 

“IQ is injured, minor shrapnel wound. Tangoes spotted on our twelve, we need to fall back.” Tachanka’s voice crackled into his earpiece. “Take caution, they’re everywhere.”

Jäger had fallen several paces ahead without realising. He lifted a foot to step back when the shelf to his left started to lean against him, then its weight was teetering over the edge and he tried his best to push back but it was too heavy. Half his body was trapped under the shelf, pinned down. He gripped the metal frame and tried to push it off him. There was a rattle of gunfire where Fuze was. Several recruits fell wounded while Fuze returned fire and took out the hostiles. 

The terrorists saw the opportunity to overwhelm him when they saw that he was the only one left standing. One moved to tackle him and knocked his AK from his grasp. They scuffled as the terrorist forced him into a chokehold, bodies clashing into the shelves. The glint of his flashlight illuminated the Whitemask in front of him who wielded a blade in his hand. Jäger reached for his pistol holstered at his thigh and aimed for the one with the knife. A well-aimed shot to the middle mass had the knife clattering on the floor, then as Fuze wrestled the other away, he steadied his grip and shot at the last terrorist. Fuze let out a roar in pain and shoved the terrorist away, allowing his limp body to fall to the ground. Jäger’s heart stopped at the thought he had missed and hit him instead.

“Shuhrat, are you okay? What happened?” Jäger called out and continued to struggle under the fallen shelf, managing to free one of his legs. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Fuze choked back, but his hand held firmly at his side. He stumbled over to him, grunting with every heaved step. “I’m bleeding, but it’s nothing too bad- here, get ready to lift. Three, two, one!”

They strained once more, just managing to lift it high enough for Jäger to scramble out. As he let go, Fuze fell backwards, his legs giving out and he looked down at his hand to see his glove glistening with sticky, dark blood. Jäger knelt down at his side and examined the wound where the fabric of his uniform was torn by a blade.

“I’ll patch you up, hold still.” Jäger reached for his medic kit and unfurled it. The contents spilled over the ground and he hastily tore the packaging with his teeth. He tore away the uniform to expose more area then carefully poured the Quikclot powder over the stab wound. Fuze stifled an agonised groan and his entire body tensed, the sensation no different to pushing shards of glass into his skin. He forced a breath through his nose and tried to focus on their surroundings. 

Jäger popped the cap of a morphine auto-injector when he sensed the air around him move. He administered the drug swiftly and tossed away the packaging, snagged his rifle from the ground. He didn’t have to see in order to know that they were being watched. His hairs stood on end and he strained to hear for movement, any kind of information. At the first inch of action, he fired blindly and hoped to hit someone, something to give him the assurance that there wasn’t a terrorist ready to strike. Nothing. He continued to watch the end of the aisle like a hawk as Fuze slowly got to his feet, feeling horribly uneasy. 

For the first time in many missions, Jäger began to fear.

“Fuze is injured, stab wound to the abdomen. We have the bleeding under control,” he spoke into his radio. “Hostiles present in the western sector. What’s your status?”

“Cache located, eastern sector secure. Approaching your position for assistance,” Tachanka responded. While it was relieving to know help would arrive soon, Jäger knew it would take some time for them to traverse the stock room which held billions worth of drugs and paraphernalia. 

The towering shelves began to rock. Fuze shoved him forwards and cried out as the metal frame made impact with his shoulder. Bags of pills popped open and spilled across the concrete ground, white powder rained down on them and in the distance they could hear the sequential crash of the furniture. Disorientated, Jäger rushed back to his feet and felt a body tackle him. He was pressed against the ground, hands clamping over his throat, squeezing out a gasp from him.

Instinctively, his own hands moved to claw at the wrists of the aggressor. His mouth opened to heave in air but to no avail, legs thrashed and he tried to scream. Years of training rang loud in his mind. He reached down for the pistol holstered at his thigh, pressed the barrel against the terrorist’s side then squeezed the trigger. It didn’t stop there. He loaded his entire magazine into him then choked and coughed as he forced himself to get up. He saw a body standing over Fuze, a fist raised and delivering ruthless strikes. Without thinking, Jäger tackled him.

He brought the butt of his pistol hard over the terrorist’s face, enough to tear away the balaclava and reveal a pained expression. All humanity had left him at that point. He slammed his empty pistol against his face until its features were not recognisable, until his gloves were soaked in blood. Adrenaline coursed through his body and he felt feral, ready to fight tooth and nail to get out of this hell. His body screamed for survival, and now he was listening.

“You’re okay, you’re going to be fine, just get up!” Jäger gripped the frame and strained as he lifted it up, the panic in his being giving him a newfound strength. He put an arm around him and lifted him to his feet. “Two hostiles down, we need assistance-“

A spray of bullets exploded the product on the shelves to their left. Jäger dragged Fuze down and they turned a sharp corner. This place was a maze, every hall they walked down looked identical and he could no longer recognise where they came from. He turned their flashlights off and let the darkness cloak them.

In the black, he could feel Fuze’s grip on his arm, hear his shaky breaths. They remained still, too afraid to make a sound. Jäger reloaded his guns and shot towards his right, hit someone then flicked onto a bomber which stomped down the aisle from afar. 

“We need to go. You have to get up,” Jäger spoke in a hushed tone. He hauled Fuze up, his muscles searing with exhaustion at the dead weight against him. “Shuhrat, you need to walk, don’t give up on me.” 

No response came, but Fuze held onto him and his legs wobbled as he took careful steps. They waded around, slipping between shelves until they were too weary to continue on. Jäger slumped him against a wall and crouched down by his side. He wanted to turn on his flashlight and examine the damage, but he couldn’t risk it. He found some more gauze in his medical kit and tore off his gloves. Using his bare hands, he traced along Fuze’s abdomen until he found the sources of bleeding and applied pressure.

“You’re going to be alright,” he whispered and cringed at the sound of Fuze stifling a whimper of pain. “Were you hit anywhere else?” 

“No. A-are you hurt?”

“I’m fine. Stay with me, yeah? Don’t pass out on me.” From how Fuze clasped his own hands firmly over Jäger’s, it was clear he was still conscious but between echoes of gunfire, he could tell his breaths were beginning to slow down. Occasionally he would tighten his grip and take in a deep breath, but his body laid deathly still as not to exasperate himself.

Jäger waited for what felt like years. He held onto him tight and refused to let go, clung onto the only sensation he had of him to know he was still alive. His hands were soaked in sticky blood, beginning to congeal under his fingernails and the metallic scent wafted up his nose as he ducked close to his body, hoping not to be seen by a figure patrolling the aisle with a shotgun. 

At first he thought his vision was tricking him. A speck of white in the distance, which grew larger and larger until he could make out the jostling beams of multiple flashlights. The stomp of boots grew louder, guns rattled and spat out bullets, taking down any terrorists remaining. It appeared that more support had arrived along with trained medics, the sight of their bulky kits breathing in relief to Jäger as he surrendered Fuze’s mangled body to their care. 

When they checked over him, he thought he was without a scratch, but on closer inspection his face was swelling, a bruise beginning to form. He had minor cuts on his arms and to his side, but nothing threatening to his condition. He was able to press on, and he did so. After all, this was his job and he knew they needed all the power they needed to secure the biohazard container. 

The final assault on the laboratory containing the container was bloody. The terrorists were unrelenting as they had nothing to lose, for them, it was either death or imprisonment and many chose to die for their cause. The thought of it always left a bad taste in Jäger’s mouth. During the firefight, IQ sustained more injuries, took a bullet to the thigh but she fought just as valiantly. She had his back, and in turn he looked out for her as well. 

Once the room was secure, further reinforcements were called in to extract the container and safely dismantle it. They were withdrawn when they were no longer needed and tended to by medics who patched them back up. Those with more severe injuries were transferred to a trauma centre but for Jäger, it was nothing the medic bay couldn’t take care of. The anaesthetic numbed his nerves while memory of the carnage prior had his entire mind void of any coherent thought. As a doctor stitched his gashes, he sat in a dream-like state and tried to piece the events together.

The more he thought about it, the more suffocating reality became. He began to realise how flawed the intel was, how they were so ill-equipped and while he was distraught, he couldn’t help but to feel angry. There was no one around to tell him what happened, all he could do was wait and as the hours ticked by, he was tired of pacing the base.

It was probably three o’clock in the morning when Tachanka arrived back in the grounds with IQ. She had a pair of crutches and favoured her left leg, while her right was bandaged. Her expression was weary, dazed as she made her way in with Tachanka holding the door open for her. They halted in front of Jäger and offered him a sympathetic look while he stared back, hands planted on his hips and his lips pressed into a tight, thin line.

“I want answers,” Jäger spoke, his voice wavering ever so slightly and tense. “What the hell happened?”

“I contacted Harry. The informant has gone AWOL, we suspect they might have lied to us. Part of it was truth, but they left out a lot of important details,” Tachanka began and took a seat. He ran his hand through his short-cropped hair, let out a shuddering sigh. “Perhaps they were discovered and the Whitemasks knew everything- we don’t know for sure. All I can say was that this mission was not our best but there is no one here to blame. We lost a good number of men as well.”

His throat tightened at his following thoughts. As much as he wanted to know, the response could break him but he asked anyways. “I don’t care. What about Shuhrat? And Elias, Dominic? Please tell me they’re okay.” His bottom lip wobbled and he bit his tongue, hoping the pain would distract him from his tears. 

IQ slowly made her way to his side and sat down next to him. She put her crutches aside and put an arm around him, her palm rubbing circles onto his back. “Elias will be fine, he has a mild concussion and broke his arm. He’s currently in hospital, he had surgery to have pins put in place. Shuhrat lost a lot of blood. He’s still in surgery to repair the internal bleeding. They were hesitant to operate on him because he was unstable but they had no choice-“

“Will he be okay?” Jäger interrupted, his eyes now glistening. He took in a shaky breath through his nose and the sting of tears in his eyes blinded him. 

There was a look of doubt on her face and she fell silent for a moment to think of how she wanted to word her sentences. “They did not say, Marius. I don’t know,” she spoke the truth and looked him steadily in the eye, her brows furrowing as she watched him crumble into a million pieces of worry and fear. 

Through the sniffling, the tears and a sob he choked on, Jäger steeled his composure. “And Dom?” He asked, praying the reams of bad news would come to an end but he had an inkling it wouldn’t be good.

The pause that followed between them did not bode well. IQ swallowed thickly and looked towards Tachanka. “You saw the wound on his head, you know what it’s like… his skull is fractured. They operated on him as soon as they could and as far as I know, he’s still in theatre. The doctor told us there is a high likelihood of brain injury. W-we don’t know how bad it is.” Her voice broke off into a shaky huff and when Jäger looked back at her, he saw the stream of tears streaking down her cheeks. She quickly wiped away her tears and tried to hold them back just as he did. 

Tachanka cleared his throat. “The both of them are strong men, they will be fine,” he said in a soft tone, trying to reassure them. His pale blue eyes switched between Jäger and IQ as he watched them stare soullessly at their surroundings. “It’s normal to be worried like this but they will pull through. Shuhrat is never known to give up and I know you can’t kill that stubborn bastard Dominic that easily. Listen, it is late. The two of you are tired from today, you’re stressed and it’s best you get some rest. Tomorrow I will contact Harry about extending our stay here.”

Jäger stood up and helped IQ to her feet. “Thank you, Alex,” he murmured.

They returned slowly to their dorms. Jäger had only intended to walk her to her room, but when she lingered at the doorway he decided it wouldn’t hurt to try and talk. It wasn’t as if neither of them were able to sleep soon. She lowered herself onto her bed and winced as she rested her legs. From her hoodie pocket she produced a packet of painkillers which had been prescribed and followed the instructions to take two. As she did so, Jäger looked on and fidgeted with the drawstring of his sweatpants.

She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “They’ll be okay,” she whispered but her words did nothing to quell the storm of emotions that were swirling in his heart. The pressure was building up steadily, a mild pain in his chest and tension in his neck. His lips parted as he drew in a slow breath then swallows and shook his head in doubt- in fear. 

“I don’t want to lose him,” he spoke between his uncontrolled gasps and sniffles. “And I don’t even want to lose Dom. If he pulls through, I don’t know how things will end up for him.”

IQ’s expression flinched as if she had been struck by a sudden pang of pain. At her newfound distress, Jäger fell silent and waited for her to speak. “I can’t stop thinking about it. That nitro cell was pre-placed, it was  _ there _ when we pushed in. I was scanning for electronics and I made the call-”

“It’s not your fault-”

“It was my call that might kill him! I should’ve seen it, I don’t know what went wrong.” Her voice trailed off as her tears overcame her, shoulders trembling. The sight of her falling apart only brought him closer to the edge of shattering too. He clasped his other hand over hers and hoped the contact was comforting. “What if he can’t walk ever again? What if I’ve ruined his entire career and his life because I wasn’t careful enough? And if we lose him, how can I live and look Elias in the eye knowing it’s my fault he’s lost the man he cares about the most?”

The future was looking grim. Now Jäger could only pray for the best outcome. The sounds of her muffled sobs pulled at his heart strings and the more he thought, the more he worried. Even if he tried he could not force his mind to stop thinking about Shuhrat, the darkness of that stockroom as they sat coiled around one another. His wandering gaze caught the dark rust of dried blood under his fingernails where he had missed while washing them and the memory of the slick blood soaking through his gloves weighed in the pit of his stomach. His mind tried to recall Shuhrat’s condition when the medics came, but he was only met with a blankness that tested his composure. He had no idea how he was, only the word that he will survive.

Before he knew it, the sting of tears were quickly clouding his vision and his throat ached. He reached out to IQ and brought her into a tight embrace. Her arms were warm, a comforting sensation. They held each other as they wept, finding solace that they still had one another.


	12. Could Be Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jäger receives closure and finally meets Aziz. After years, Fuze returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda owe you guys an apology for this incredibly delayed update. Basically, I was busy as hell then when I wasn't busy, I lost all ability to write anything and had writer's block for a good while. Currently my objective is to finish this fic as I've never finished one before and I'm determined to. Enjoy :)

They took a taxi to the hospital. It was one of those larger SUVs but it didn’t quite fit them all. IQ sat at the front given her injuries while the men were crammed in the back. Jäger was sandwiched between Tachanka and Kapkan, forced to hunch forward to make room for his shoulders. As he fidgeted and picked at the dry skin around his nails, the dust of dried blood too, he listened to the quiet chatter of the Russians. Their native language will always be a mystery for him, but how quiet Kapkan seemed, they were talking about Glaz who had been injured during the mission. 

Everything was grey. The weather, their moods to the buildings that passed by as the taxi slipped down the city roads. When they arrived in the early morning, the rain was beginning to clear. Tachanka led the way and took them to the ward which the injured operatives were resting at. Those with more severe injuries were given their own private rooms. Blitz was nowhere to be seen, but Glaz was resting in bed, nursing his gunshot wound to his shoulder.

While Jäger was relieved to see they were well, his mind remained elsewhere. For a long while he had been thinking about Fuze, now his mind glazed over Bandit briefly, wondering how he was doing and one part of him didn’t want to know the answer. There were more pressing concerns than a broken arm. Tachanka noticed his aloofness and knew what was wrong. He motioned for them to leave and promptly delivered him to a small private room at the end of a long corridor of doors. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Tachanka said and gave him a reassuring nod, his hand squeezing his shoulder firmly. Then he left to give him some time alone, his beastly figure receding back down that hall.

For a moment Jäger stood and watched as tired nurses walked by. The scent of disinfectant was strong enough to make his mind whirl and he felt so filthy in such a sterile place. Fingers curling around the handle, he opened it carefully and braced himself when he stepped in. Time felt as if it was slowing down while his heart thumped harder and faster in his chest. His emotions swelled and overwhelmed him as he shut the door behind him, so he tore his eyes away from Fuze and tried to focus elsewhere.

Flowers. Likely bought from a grocery store, slowly wilting by the northern window where the cold light flooded the room. A few cards, bidding him a speedy recovery. There were a few scribbles on it from his teammates. Other than that, there wasn’t much. The furniture was flat-pack, assembled efficiently and all following the same scheme of dreary colours. For a hospital, it was as depressing as a cemetery. At this time of year, the sunlight was cold. No longer its warm hues, it simply illuminated the room and reflected off the walls like a ghost watching over them. If it hadn’t been for his own clothes, the world was monochrome. 

It hadn’t occurred to him about the noise until he laid eyes upon the various machines that blinked and beeped softly. All sorts of values were appearing on the screens, constantly changing and fluctuating, the ebb and flow of life in the pixels. His gaze followed the leads that eventually led to Fuze. 

The sight of him was truly affecting. His skin was the palest he’d ever seen it, almost with a grey tinge like a corpse. Part of his face was bruised where he had been struck, luckily he had a helmet on otherwise Jäger wouldn’t have been able to recognise him. The blanket covered the rest of his body and while he didn’t look drastically different, everything about him seemed frail. 

Jäger sat down on the chair next to the bed and didn’t know what to do. He stared and stared until the tears welled up in his eyes and he wept quietly to himself out of worry and the weight of stress straining upon him. After some time he composed himself and wiped his tears away then studied Fuze’s peaceful expression, still sniffling and his shoulders shuddering with each breath. He was devastated by just looking at him, but at the same time, he was overjoyed to know he was still alive. It hurt him to see Fuze in such a condition, he couldn’t help but concern himself with almost everything.

His beard had grown in more, now it was scruffy and unkempt. An oxygen mask perched over his mouth and nose, and he took slow, laboured breaths. The pallid tint to his skin made him appear cold to touch and Jäger clasped his hand over his wrist to find it was true. There was a blocky pulse oximeter over his index finger, obstructing him from holding his hand properly but he held it within his palms, warming it. At the sensation of being touched, Fuze seemed to stir gently, his fingers twitching and flexing ever so slightly and his brows furrowed. Jäger watched with anticipation then told himself not to get his hopes up. 

He hadn’t slept much the night before. Perhaps an hour at most until the echoes of gunfire at the back of his mind had tormented him to the brink of having a mental breakdown. While he languished over knowing Fuze was in such a severe condition, he found comfort in being able to stay by his side. He held firmly onto his hand and scooted his chair closer to the bed, then shifted into a comfortable position and rested his head against the mattress. The bedsheets were scratchy and his hunched-over posture cramped his muscles, but he was too exhausted to care.

Finally able to relax, he realised how badly his head ached. Sleep quickly took hold of him.

The sensation of fingers carding through his hair brought him back home. He imagined those warm mornings during the summer when they would sleep in and by the early hours of the morning, the sun would flood their bedroom through the southern windows. His skin would become peachy from the tingling heat of sunshine while Fuze only ever tanned. Together they laid in until times which would have been unacceptable to Jäger, bodies bare under the sheets and touching. Hands splayed comfortably over the broad lengths of backs, over chests and along thighs. Occasionally Jäger would press his face against Fuze’s chest, cheek brushing against his pectorals where fine hairs grew. Other times, he clung onto his side, snaked his arms around his midriff then slung a leg over his to claim him. 

The gentle scene of his dream was disturbed. He stirred at the blunt tap of an object against his head, then as he returned to reality he awoke with a startling epiphany. His eyes snapped open, first catching the cord of Fuze’s pulse oximeter dangling over his face then he raised his head, slow to ease out the crick in his neck and saw that Fuze was awake. He blinked several times to confirm what he was seeing, then his mind blanked and all he could do was gawk back at him as if he was a mythical creature. 

“Hey,” Fuze managed to croak through the oxygen mask. It was amusing to watch Jäger become overwhelmed and flustered, his chapped lips curved into a gentle curve and he relaxed as Jäger palmed his jaw and moved to embrace him, lips pressing a million kisses onto his forehead. Fuze clawed off the mask and grasped for him, fingers weakly digging into the fabric of his hoodie to pull him closer into a proper kiss. The sensation of Jäger’s body weight pressing against his wounds forced a quiet groan but he ignored the pain and sank deeper into their kiss.

Jäger quickly pulled away, his brows furrowing in concern. “Are you okay? I’m sorry-“

“No, it’s fine,” Fuze murmured back and held onto his hands with all the strength he could muster. “I thought I was gone, I…” he swallowed thickly and looked towards Jäger with glimmering eyes. His breaths were still just as slow and deep, shuddering ever so slightly. “Everything just went black.”

Jäger brought his cool hands to his lips and pressed a kiss against them, giving them a firm squeeze. “You’re here now,” he reminded him. “And you’re alive, you’re well.” His voice grew brittle, he tried to suppress the emotions growing inside him as his throat stiffened, the raw sensation returning ten times worse. “How are you feeling?”

“Hurts like hell,” Fuze answered and strained as he shifted in bed. “Could be worse, I suppose.” His gentle gaze rested on him and he knew things weren’t right with Jäger, not from the bags under his eyes to his anxious fidgeting as his fingers toyed with the edge of the blanket on the bed. “I hope I didn’t scare you too bad,” he said with a careful chuckle, trying not to exasperate himself. In response, Jäger had no words but he managed a wobbly smile that answered Fuze’s thoughts. “And I love you,” he added after a lasting pause, his hand squeezing gently. A smile bloomed across his face and he reached to palm Jäger’s cheek, his thumb catching a hot tear within its path. 

Once it starts, Jäger knew he was impossible to stop. His expression began to crumple and his lips trembled some more, vision became obscured by the hot wave of more tears gathering. He hated crying, especially in front of others but with Fuze, he knew he could be vulnerable without fearing judgement. There wouldn’t be any “hey, don’t cry” or the awkward silences. Fuze pulled him into an embrace and held him close, fingers weaving into his hair and he leaned down to press a kiss onto his head. 

The scent of disinfectant on his skin was overwhelming and his cheek pressed against the thin fabric that covered his body, feeling the warmth radiating. There was nothing else he needed more than this, nothing more calming than hiding in the darkness of his arms, listening to his soft reassurances and his mumbled terms of endearment in his mother tongue, something which Jäger was never able to understand but enjoyed unbelievably so. 

When he had composed himself he pulled away and looked towards Fuze to be met with a gentle smile. He wiped at his own cheeks again and managed a steady breath. 

“I love you too,” he finally said.

Spotting a jug of water situated at the base of the bed where the charter was, Jäger rose to his feet and poured him a glassful. He brought it back and urged him to drink it then he gingerly brushed back his hair from his forehead. These minor affections were natural to him now, no longer motions he had to deliberate. Within the confines of the hospital room they didn’t have to worry about bystanders, they allowed themselves to ease up, especially given what had happened.

By ten o’clock, the nurses checked in then not soon after, Fuze’s doctor had arrived to check on his condition. As they were going to change his dressings, Fuze suggested he should go pick up something to eat, or at least drink a coffee and Jäger took this as his queue to leave, even if he didn’t quite understand what the deal was if he sat in the room and observed. 

The hallways seemed blindingly bright when he stepped out. For a moment he was confused as to where to go, trying to recall where he came from. As he was about to leave, someone approached him. 

A man, perhaps in his early forties with dark hair, a complexion similar to Fuze’s. He began to speak in Russian, proposing a question.

“Sorry, I don’t understand,” Jäger responded in English. 

“Oh, what I was trying to say was that I’m visiting my brother, I was told by one of his colleagues he’s supposed to be in this room but just as I came, the nurses went in,” the stranger explained, his accent heavy. “Are you also one of Shuhrat’s colleagues?”

“Yeah, I’m Marius,” he introduced himself and held his hand out for a handshake.

The stranger’s smile wavered for a moment as if he had come to a sudden realisation, and at that instance, Jäger sensed that he knew who he was now. He shook Jäger’s hand with a firm grip. “My name is Aziz. I guess the nurses will be in there for a while? Say, why don’t we go to the cafeteria for a bit? I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said and motioned down the hall. Jäger felt a shiver come up his spine, he had always feared what kind of impression he had already made without knowing.

The cafeteria was beginning to get busy at this time. They bought coffee and found a seat near the back by the windows where Jäger used the opportunity to watch people pass by. It was awfully uncomfortable to look at Aziz, every time he did he was struck by how many features he shared in common with Fuze. He palmed his hot coffee and focused on the skin around his fingernail. 

The silence carried on for a while longer and Jäger only grew more uncomfortable, but the idea of trying to spark a conversation wasn’t appealing either. He could feel eyes watching him, judging him from his bruises to his fidgeting. Time was only crawling by, he counted down the minutes passing and hoped that they could be spared of this waiting. 

“So, you probably know this but uh… Shuhrat told me,” Aziz spoke finally with an awkward tone but he seemed to try his best to go about it in a cordial manner. Jäger raised a brow to acknowledge him and looked up. “It was surprising at first but at this point, I should’ve seen it coming, hm? He’s what… thirty-four? Never ever spoke of having a girlfriend. Not once! Not even when my brother and I got him drunk and asked about it.” 

Jäger forced a laugh and nodded along as he took a sip from his coffee. 

“I gotta say, you look much younger than I expected,” he went on to comment. There was a passing moment where Jäger found himself blanking at the compliment, then as the instinct came to thank him, he stumbled upon himself and didn’t say anything at all. Heat crawled all over his skin, he knew he wasn’t making a good impression of himself but he couldn’t help it. “You two are alike as well- you’re both quite reserved.”

“I’m not known for being a conversationalist, I’ll say that.”

The talk shifted to their careers, Jäger spoke briefly about himself and of the projects he worked on with Fuze but then opted to ask about Aziz. A teacher who taught English, married to his high-school sweetheart and a father to three children. He was never one for small talk but it was interesting how Fuze turned out to be such a different person compared to his brother. Jäger wondered what the rest of his family was like.

He knew of his other brother who was rather disapproving of what he saw to be a lifestyle. Being traditional people with more conservative views, Jäger also had an inkling that his parents weren’t too overjoyed when they heard the news, but shy inquiry revealed that they were tolerant of it. Regardless of it, he was still anxious to meet them. 

Some time had passed when they decided they would return to check on Fuze. The nurses were gone when they knocked and the look on Fuze’s face to see his brother visiting was a mixture of shock and happiness. A smile grew across Jäger’s face to see him caught in such enthusiastic chat, it seemed almost as if he was completely fine now. He didn’t understand a single word they were saying but he knew for sure they were glad to see one another. 

For a while, he was fixed upon the grime under his nails until he felt gentle contact on his arm. The conversation had come to a halt. He looked between Fuze and Aziz, confused as to why his touch would linger when he least expected it to. 

Fuze’s mouth twitched as if he was about to speak, then he cleared his throat, his brows furrowing. His grip on Jäger’s arm tightened with insecurity. “How do Mum and Dad feel about this?” He asked in English. 

“Well, uh.” Aziz scratched his beard and appeared to be unsure for a second, seeming undecided to look at Jäger or Fuze. He shifted in his seat and mustered a shrug, a smile that was supposed to be comforting. “They’re not happy but they will come around. Don’t worry about it too much!” He gave a chuckle but it didn’t shift Fuze’s concerned expression. “You’re the youngest out of all of us, they’ve always had a soft spot for you.”

It wasn’t exactly what they wanted to hear, in fact, for Fuze he seemed to be filled with dread.

“Hey, listen. No matter what happens, you two have a place in my home,” his brother continued to speak, noting their discomfort. “It doesn’t matter who you love. You’ll always be the Shuhrat I grew up with and I’ll be happy to meet whoever you’re dating.”

 

* * *

 

 

After a couple of days, Fuze was discharged. During that time Jäger learnt how to properly clean out his healing wounds and observed carefully whenever the nurses changed his dressings. Harry had given them some extra time to remain in Russia, acknowledging it would be best to give Fuze some time to rest and visit family before taking the flight back to England. 

A generous layer of snow settled on the pavements when they left the small restaurant they ate lunch at. It was surprising how quickly time passed. Jäger swore yesterday they were wedging the workshop door open with a can of paint because it was too hot, now he was fussing over the zipper on his coat and asking Fuze for the fifth time if he was warm enough. Autumn had settled in well for a while now and the beginnings of Winter were showing, if not already there.

Aziz lived a considerable distance from where they were stationed and where the hospital was situated. A text stating he would arrive in the early afternoon turned into a hopeful call that maybe he’ll make it by five, given that the traffic cleared up. 

As a result, they were left to their own devices. Coffee shops sustained them for a while, they filled themselves with pastries and warm drinks to pass the time and keep the cold at bay. Without internet, there wasn’t much to do but they spent a good amount of time in several bookstores, quietly trifling through the aisle and wondering how long they could stay before it got weird. 

Jäger found himself immersed in a small novel, some ancient-looking thing from the stack of second-hand books. The spine was peeling, pages slowly falling out and the text was faint but he could still make it out. He felt a nudge which knocked him out of his focus and looked up to see Fuze grinning at him.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing special,” Jäger mumbled back and closed the cover. He set it back onto the shelf and hauled up their heavy duffel bags. “Are we going now?”

With a brow raised, Fuze reached for the book. “Yeah, I just got a message that he’s waiting in a car park about five minutes away.” His eyes trailed down the cover, he flipped it over and scanned the blurb. “You like this?”

“It’s alright- why?”

A little smile brightened Fuze’s face and he shrugged. “I’ll get it for you since you’ve been carrying my bags around all day. Never pegged you to like romance,” he said and his hand dipped into his pocket to find some money. 

They paid and left the small shop. A strong gust of wind ushered them faster down the street. At this point the entire streets were dark and a layer of spotless snow settled on the pavements, only to be tarnished with their little, black footsteps. Jäger’s fingers tightened around the straps of their bags and he made sure not to walk too fast, occasionally slowing down and looking towards Fuze to make sure he was alright. 

The small yet affectionate act of gifting the book warmed his heart. For a while he was puzzled because to him the bags weren’t that heavy at all, he didn’t break a sweat lugging them around and it was no challenge. When it finally clicked and he realised it wasn’t a matter of repayment, but an excuse to demonstrate love, that little moment of clarity was euphoric. 

The beam of car headlights cut through the night. They trudged over to a beat-up SUV and Jäger put the bags in the trunk then joined Fuze in the backseat. The radio hummed under their small talk and the warmth from the radiators embraced them as the car rolled down the icy roads. After a while, Fuze reached over to grasp his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. Their eyes met under the alternating flashes of amber lamplight and darkness, lips perked into simpers before they returned their gaze to the winding streets ahead. 

They drove for perhaps an hour or so. Luckily Aziz told them they would make it in time for dinner and Fuze was insistent that his grandmother made the best stews. There was a nice bottle of wine waiting for them, perhaps whiskey if they desired and plenty of beer. Jäger liked the idea of cracking open a nice beer in the late evening, letting his hair down and relaxing. 

After all that happened, it would certainly be nice.

The car began to slow down when they entered a smaller neighbourhood. The houses were in neat rows attached to one another, not too big but enough space for a family. Brakes squealed and the car jolted to a halt, reversed into a space behind a nicer Mercedes. As Fuze’s grasp left his hand, the cold settled back in. He looked to his left towards him, hardly making out his expression but as the rumble of the engine died down he could hear slow and careful breaths. Light glinted off his eyes which were cast and fixed onto the house, studying the orange windows.

“Careful. The pavement gets slippery,” Aziz warned in his usual, jubilant tone. He pulled the keys out and pocketed it. At the quietness, he turned and shot them a puzzled look, glancing back and forth between the two of them. “Smile a little. You’re home!”

Sensing his unease, Jäger nudged him. Aziz opened the door and allowed a great gust of cold air into the car. At the sensation of the biting wind and the lights turning on, Fuze tore his gaze away. He cleared his throat and his brows furrowed. “Yeah,” he mumbled back, voice tense and sharp. “You go ahead, I’ll help Marius with the bags.”

“Sure. Leave them by the stairs when you get in.”

The snow crunched underfoot. Jäger reached around the trunk, fingers feeling along the wet metal until he found the handle. He grabbed the bags, knowing Fuze was loitering a few feet away, his eyes downcast and his thoughts churning so hard Jäger would joke there was steam coming out of his ears.

He closed the trunk and paused, making sure everything was in place. Ready to go, he hoisted the bags up and took a step forward. Fuze followed, although reluctant and full of anxiety. It didn’t feel right to not say anything about it. Jäger turned on his heel and watched him close the front garden gate. 

There wasn’t the same excitement in his expression anymore. For a guy so poised and stone-cold, it was unusual to see him in such a fragile state. Jäger put down their things and brought a hand to his cheek, palm to his stubble. He pressed a gentle kiss onto his lips, held it for a fleeting moment before he pulled away. Despite his expectations, Fuze did not resist his touch but sank into it. His eyes closed and his face contorted with emotional anguish.

“You can do it,” Jäger murmured softly, both his palms cupping his jawline, thumbs caressing soothing circles into his skin. Fuze managed a silent nod, white mist puffing from his parted lips as he gave a shaky exhale. “I’ve got your six, yeah?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there isn't much I can say other than that I had completed this chapter several weeks ago but felt that it was a bit short and lackluster. I still feel that way but I'm posting this because if I spent as much time as I wanted to try to perfect this, I'd never post anything. I won't lie and I'll be honest about it: I feel that there are many minor flaws and problems with how I've chosen to structure this story. To add to that, there were additional lore updates to all vanilla operators which had basically uprooted a lot of established headcanons of mine and as a result it irks me to go back to my older works and read, only to think 'no, this isn't really how the character is supposed to act' or that what I've done contradicts new backstory. Although to avoid negativity, I'll take this as a lesson to learn and an experience. 
> 
> I will continue to work on this story as I feel it would be unfair to not give you guys a conclusion to the story and its journey.

The house smelled of something hearty. They kicked off snow-laden shoes by the door and Aziz disappeared up the stairs with their duffle-bags. Squeals of children echoed from the living room and there was a quiet conversation. Fuze glanced over towards Jäger one last time as he shrugged off his coat then he reached for the door. He drew in a shaky breath then it hit him.

“Uncle!” 

He braced himself and opened his arms to receive his niece who ran at him full speed. The impact made his wounds ache but he embraced her, heart fluttering with all kinds of fuzzy feelings. It was great to be back. He put her down and smiled, listening to her hurried rambles which were an adorable mixture of Uzbek and Russian. Once she ran off, he turned his attention away. 

Waiting and expectant was his mother. His heart thumped hard in his chest and his throat constricted, but he went in for a hug. 

“Oh look at you,” his mother muttered and inspected him, both her hands gripping his arms as she looked him up and down. “What happened to your face?” She moved to touch the bruise on his cheek but he moved away. “Does it hurt?”

“Don’t worry, just work stuff. _He_ had it pretty bad,” Fuze said and nodded towards were Jäger awkwardly stood, hands in his pockets and eyes staring at his feet. His black eye was still a painful shade of dark blue. “Marius, this is my mother.”

Jäger jolted back to the present and mustered a polite smile. “It’s nice to meet you,” he spoke and shook her hand.

At first, she was surprised by the English. “Your friend? Colleague?” She assumed and looked towards her husband who sat closeby and nursed a glass of whiskey. Her tone insinuated some kind of expectation, hoping he would confirm one of her guesses.

It would be easier to say Jäger was a friend, but that would be lying. Fuze didn’t want to hide any longer. They knew and this was probably one giant test of his courage. “Marius is my partner- my boyfriend,” he clarified and held his breath. “We’ve been together just over a year.”

Her smile dwindled into a thin line. A silence settled thick in the air, it was suffocating. There was the sound of someone shouting from the kitchen that queued her to return to reality. As if she was startled by it, she quickly looked away and drew a sharp breath. “Nadia needs my help in the kitchen.”

Without another word, she fled the room. Fuze swallowed thickly and looked over his shoulder towards Jäger before he motioned towards the sofa. They sat down on opposite sides, stiff and rigid. The television continued to drone on in the background, some sort of cartoon which the kids were watching. 

It would be a lie to say Fuze wasn’t filled with the world’s worst gut-wrenching, throat-tightening feeling ever. He drew an uneasy breath and wondered if the stirring pain in his gut was from his wounds or the fear of losing his own parents. The ding of an alarm made him jump and Jäger turned it off then glanced back at him, his hand briefly moving to touch his knee before he got up and left the living room. 

The room was illuminated by gentle strobing lights from the television. Fuze could feel his father’s eyes upon him, perhaps taking in the state of him and questioning if this man who sat six feet away from him was the boy he raised. It would take a long time for them to settle down and realize there was no changing this, Fuze knew he would have to simply bear with it as it was until they came around. The second they made eye contact, Jäger returned with medication and a bottle of water.

“If it’s hurting more than usual, the doctor said you can take two,” he reminded him, voice quiet and low. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine… a bit tired,” Fuze mumbled back then knocked back three for good measure. He earned a look of concern from Jäger but drew his gaze down to the blister packaging of his antibiotics, fumbled with them long enough for him to intervene and help out. “Thanks.”

“Then you should sleep after dinner. We’ve been moving around a lot today, hm?” Jäger said and his hand shifted a mere inch before he anchored it down, fingers fidgeting with the hole on his jeans. Had they been at home, his hand would have moved to gently stroke Fuze’s cheek, to comfort him or coax him to rest his head on his shoulder. It was hard to ignore what had become an instinct.

After some time, the television had captured everyone’s attention. While Jäger stared on, intrigued by the documentary on the television, Fuze couldn’t shake off the feelings of pure panic and something that resembled regret- no, this wasn’t regret. It was just fear. Will there be confrontation? What should he do? What  _would_ he do?

The sound of a woman calling for dinner echoed from the kitchen. The kids who were playing quietly on the carpet reluctantly left their toys and consoles. Soon enough, Fuze’s father left with his empty whiskey glass in hand and they decided to follow after, dreading what could possibly happen at the dinner table.

It was some form of beef stew, similar to something Fuze would cook back home in England. They took their seats, served the wine out and settled down. For a while it was quiet but there was no denying that Fuze’s parents were stealing looks at the two of them, their reactions a mixture of incredulity and disbelief. Nadia, Aziz’s wife, glanced across the table then cleared her throat.

“So, Marius, why don’t you tell us about your job? You work closely with Shuhrat, right?” She spoke up, a friendly smile across her face but her expression was tense. 

After all, the atmosphere at the table was strained like static in the air. There was an elephant in the room, a bomb waiting to explode.

“Erm… well, part of my job is developing technologies and gadgets to facilitate our missions. I specialize in a portable gadget I created which is essentially an active defense system that can intercept projectiles like grenades,” he said and consciously reminded himself not to go on a long, winding tangent. If needed, he could spend the entire duration of dinner explaining what his device does, but he had a good awareness it would only make matters worse. “Shuhrat and I work together a lot since he works with devices that involve projectiles such as grenades. We help each other test and improve our gadgets.”

The last thing he had ever expected was input from Fuze’s father. With a military background, he had many questions regarding his work, especially about his gadget which would be described as revolutionary by many. It was relieving that they could at least participate in the conversation without some dramatic row but at the same time, the act of speaking to him sent Jäger into a panic. 

He’d gone through a number of exams and tests throughout his life, even landing this job was hard enough but nothing could compare to the difficulty of finding the right answers to his future in-laws' questions. It was hard to distinguish between genuine questions and interrogation, but he tried his best to keep up. 

They began to ask more about his life, where he grew up and his own family. While the truth wasn’t the most dazzling reality, Jäger decided it would be best to be completely transparent. He laid it out as it was, from his education to qualifications. 

He hoped to impress. After all, the odds were stacked horribly against him, he needed some way to win them over. It wasn’t as if he was some sketchy guy, he wasn’t a bad influence on Fuze or anything. If he were to be objective about himself, he realized there wasn’t much interesting about himself. There was nothing dazzling about his past nor present. 

He liked to work on and restore vintage cars, had several subscriptions to magazines which often occupied more of his time than it should. His shelves were filled to the brim with books on all sorts of topics and he loved documentaries. Information was his hobby for the most part. For him, there was nothing more satisfying about learning something new, gaining a better understanding of whatever he could get his hands on.

Some may argue that working for a counterterrorism organization was rather interesting, although it wasn’t something he could simply share like it was any other nine-to-five job. So, on the outside, he seemed like a very simple and plain man. 

There was a pause in the conversation. Jäger took a long gulp of his wine and tried to relax a little, slacken his muscles. He was never a huge fan of wine, but there was no choice in this particular moment. 

With no dirt to dig up, Fuze’s parents appeared to be less tied up about the whole issue of their son bringing home a man, however, they still weren’t overjoyed about it. His mother looked at both of them before she opened her mouth to speak. 

“Do you plan to marry?” She asked although it seemed she didn’t even want to hear the answer.

Of course, they had talked about it in the past, mentioned it in passing and briefly spoke of their desires for the future. Jäger nodded in response and allowed for Fuze to respond.

“We plan to, but we’ve been too busy to get around to it,” he explained then as she appeared to question more about it, he added, “there won’t be a wedding. It’ll just be a civil ceremony, nothing big. We don’t have time for anything fancy.”

Nor the want for a big wedding with a celebration and all sorts of attention. The two of them were happy to lay low and carry on as they always did. They did plan a nice dinner perhaps, or a night out to celebrate it but nothing in comparison to a lavish ceremony. The thought of getting stressed over the colors of the flowers or how each table should be laid repelled both of them from anything too tedious to plan. 

Jäger made a mental note that he should definitely get around to looking at rings. It would be a nice surprise, he was sure that Fuze would appreciate the gesture and he had confidence in his own tastes to find something nice.

“And children? I mean, what are you two going to do?”

While it seemed his father wasn’t too approving of the idea of two men raising children, he did not speak but continued to drink. He refilled their glasses, briefly making eye contact with Jäger. 

“Don’t you have enough grandchildren?” Fuze deflected with a gentle smile. Truth was, they just wanted a dog or two. “I already said. We’re busy people. By the time we settle down, it’ll be too late to raise any kids.”

Aziz gave a hearty chuckle. “Nothing is ever enough for mum. Don’t look so sad, Rami already has twins on the way!” He said then reminded her. “Oh, I think he said the ultrasound scans were being done today, it’s why he couldn’t come for dinner. Did he send you the photos?”

 

* * *

 

Jäger was surprised he wasn’t drunk by the time Fuze’s parents left. Tipsy for sure, but he was awake enough to keep his eyes open and wait for him to return to their bedroom. In advanced, he readied a basin of warm water and had a gauze waiting. 

The only light radiated from the small bedside lamp. Thick curtains blanketed over the windows to insulate the small room which was rather cozy. He spent a few minutes reading a couple of chapters of the novel Fuze bought him but quickly found himself too weary to even make sense of the words on the pages. 

Fuze pushed the door closed behind him, smelling of mint toothpaste as he made his way to the bed. He settled down with a soft grunt and laid down, a hand moving to peel off the adhesive of his dressings. He allowed Jäger to help and braced himself for the pain of hairs ripping out. 

While Jäger was never rough-handed with him, he wasn’t too soft on him either. He made sure the dressings were changed properly with the same diligence that came with repairing a helicopter or maintaining its inner workings. With the damp towel, he wiped away any adhesive leftover then focused on cleansing the skin around each stitched wound, examining how it was healing and inspecting each small nook and cranny, albeit slower given his inebriation.

“Your cheeks are so red,” Fuze commented, admiring his man with all the adoration in the world within his gaze. 

“‘M not drunk,” Jäger muttered back, stating it clearly but he wasn’t too convincing. He eased his touch when he heard Fuze’s quiet grunt of discomfort. Despite the surgery being a while ago, he was still tender.

His hand smoothed over Fuze’s skin, feeling its softness before it came to a rest on his waist. He leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on his lips, his other palm caressing his cheek. After such a tense evening, the affections were greatly appreciated. Fuze let out a contented sigh and leaned into his contact. 

“My abs are gone, huh?” He noticed and pinched his skin near his sides. Jäger swatted his hands away in a chiding manner not to dirty his cleaned skin. 

For the first bullet wound on his side, he applied a new adhesive bandage over it. “You haven’t worked out in a while, it’s normal- is this your way of asking if you’re getting fat?” Jäger noticed his growing grin and shook his head in disbelief. “Hardly. It’s just like you’re bulking. You get nice and soft.”

Fuze stifled his laughter. He quoted, “nice and soft? What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you’re much nicer to cuddle in bed,” Jäger assured him and smiled back in response. “I think Mark calls it ‘squish.’ I like a little squish on you. It’s cute- you’re cute...”

With all the dressings applied back on, Fuze took Jäger by his hands to pull him closer. “You _are_ drunk,” he stated in a firm yet playful tone, looking into his half-lidded eyes. “You never compliment me like that when you’re sober.”

They settled down in bed and maneuvered into a comfortable position, a tangle of limbs and carefully placed hands. Over the days, Jäger had learnt the optimal way to sleep together without accidentally pressing against tender wounds. He had one arm comfortably slotted under the pillow, the other draping across Fuze’s chest, palm splayed and rubbing against the light hairs on his skin. 

He moved his hand to touch Fuze’s cheek, to catch his attention. The lights were still on. He could make out the faint scar on his forehead from a shrapnel blast years ago, each individual hair of his unkempt beard. His eyelids were heavy, he was on the precipice of falling into a deep slumber. 

“You are,” he began, his voice soft in the quiet night. “You are so strong, and brave, and I love every single molecule that makes you you.”

Fuze smiled against his palm and only had to lean a few inches forward to peck his lips. “You’re getting sappy,” he mumbled. “I love you too.”


End file.
